A new leaf

I love someone so much that I would give them access to this very blog and have that person know me in real life.

I feel like I'm giving the URL link to my soul.


<3

Patience can make mountains move.

God, has anything happened the past week? Has anything not happened in the past week? I hosted a party, nice big party with cake and everything I invited like a dozen people, who said they would all come, then only three showed up. Four more came in later, but I was still rather pissy about that. Need to punch babies. But hey, whatever, chilled out eventually.

At the end of the night, everyone grabbed a couch or a chair, and then proceeded to pass out. Save for me, which the only place left was a rather uncomfortable chair that only leaned halfway back. So what I did was go back to my room since it was my house, then pass out. I was woken by my ex who decided to come in like two hours before anyone else woke up and demand snuggles from tired old me. I grudgingly obliged. The he started rubbing his ass against my morning wood wanting some wake up anal. I grudgingly obliged. But when do you ever get to fuck someone for a birthday treat?

So fast forward through the pleasantries of going out into the world and enjoying the rest of the party. After everyone went home, it was just me and my ex alone. Sleeping together. Not like that, like sharing a bed to get a bit of the sleep we missed out on going to an overnight party. Then we got a wonderful idea to go and see Inception, he didn't like it because it was an inaccurate representation of dreams. But it wasn't really a date or anything, just a movie between two close, ass-fucking friends. With a romantic dinner afterward, at Taco Bell.

I don't really know if I want to get back together. I mean, if things keep going the way they are, that's probably going to end up how it's going to be. I think what I should do is move on with my sex life and find some other pretty young thing to fuck up the ass. Mostly because what use to go on between me and him was awesome 19-hour sex romps, and now his idea of sex is to come up to me and go "I'm horny" then we fuck, then he almost pukes at the idea of sex for a week and a half. Which I'm slowly learning.

Since right now, we're not anything more than fuck buddies, I really should be putting myself out there more, which will probably start with college. But the only real thing I have going with my life is him, which I will probably stay with. And if I want to stay with my ex and get, not necessarily the most sex, but the best sex, I will need to learn one basic skill.

Patience.

The night I knew I was loved.

I fucked someone in the ass. No where near what I had planned for that day.

Normal pool gathering for a tuesday. Party a little bit. Then my Ex came over. Talked and waited for everyone else to leave, then walked back to his place. We talked. Reminisced. Snuggled. Maked out. Groped each other. Mostly his ass. Then stuck a finger up his ass. Then got lubed up and stuck my cock up his ass. He was glad that I didn't try to go for any front bits.

But anyways, we're like halfway through ass fucking and his dad comes home. Ever since the "J" incident, which he heard about, my ex's dad hasn't been too keen on seeing me again. So it was that if he came home, I was to sneak out a door. But my ex wasn't too keen on interupting our great ass fucking session. So the door to the bedroom was shut, locked and the key tossed behing the mattress. After the assfucking, about halfway through the fisting, the phone rang. One of our mutual friends. Apparently she was wandering around the second biggest city in the county, drunk off her ass, depressed about what was only explained as "My parents are assholes."

This very quickly went from a bad situation, to worse. As I wasn't suppose to be on the property of the man that was one hallway away playing New Super Mario Brothers Wii. A game which he's had for like four months and looked like he got maybe to the seventh world. I had that game for a weekend and beat it. But still a situation of if I walked passed, I could very well be spotted by a turned head. So my ex wanted me to go out the window. Fun. Dangerous. Just my type of night. Eventually he figured that I would probably get spotted anyways cuz the next room has a nice big window. So we did something ten times more daring. Walk straight out there and hope he doesn't see us. Which surprisingly worked. I had to duck behind a window for ten minuets while my ex got everything together, but it still worked out great. A quick ride and a peck on the cheek later, and I'm probably doing the same next week.

I would have gone along with her to see said mutual friend for support and whatnot, but he advised against it. I think it's because said mutual friend is almost best friends with another mutual friend for the remainder of this post I shall call M. M was there when the miscarriage happened. M held his hand when he was screaming on the bathroom floor, bleeding out so much that nothing could soak up everything. M was there listening when for three months straight, all he could complain about is me. And now my ex is back to me after so much pain and so much complaining. If there was any more of a hint that we were back together, in a more sexual sense, I'm not sure if he would ever hear the end of it.

good old childhood

About a week ago, I got a sudden urge to play Sonic Adventure. Now, since this is on a system that no longer is in production, and finding a dreamcast would be a feat in itself, I decided to do the next best thing. I got an emulator. That, and I'm to cheap to spend twenty bucks on what would probably be a system and probably twenty games. I know emulators and roms tend to have a reputation of being more diseased than twelve dollar hookers. But I tend to trust people and what they do. Which is something that will probably get me in some big shit someday, but what ever, I'll go down with a smile.

So, about twelve diffrent versions of emulators later, I finally got one that works. And I played a couple stages of Sonic Adventures. Then Sonic Adventures 2. I couldn't really get the emulator to play at any speed but 300%, or 70%. Both are annoying as fuck, but 300% doens't seem like your waiting for twelve hours to play one level and can get you through a level rather quick. And 70% is usefull for when you want to do something with presision.

But going through the list of games on the rom site, I saw other games that I remember playing. Things like Toy Racer, Rayman 2, and Evolution: The World of the Sacred Device. Now, for thoes of you who don't know about Evolution: The World of the Sacred Device, it was one of the first full RPG's on the dreamcast. It featured rich gameplay in it's unique dungon-crawling world, multiple exchangable charcters each with there unique wepons or abilities. If you don't have it, I suggest you go out and buy it. Or just get a digital copy of it and play it on a computer. And since there are no more "New copies" for you to buy and game makers to get roalities from, I'm pretty sure sega doesn't care either.

Diffrencencs between Girls and Boys

Girls:
"Hey, you look like you're a little down. Anything wrong?"
"I didn't know I looked down at all, nothing's wrong."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea, I'm sure."
"Ok..."
Whole thing dripping with passive-aggressive-ness.

Boys:
"Hey, you look like you're a little down. Anything wrong?"
"I haven't had any cocaine in like 24 hours. Give me a break."
Round of guys busts out in laughter.

I try to leave, but they just keep pulling me back.

Fuck man, I was going to become a monk or something.

Today was... interesting. I don't really think I could call it a good day though. I went to a pool party with a few friends. Went to taco bell after. Had tons of fun. On the way home, I was at peace. I felt good about myself. About my situation. I thought that I could live well like this. Not without sexual touch. I'm not all to sure if that makes sense, it makes more inside my head, believe me. The basic thing is that on the ride home, I was pretty sure that I could start to do a buddhist thing and live without disire. Without want. Without love.

Also had my first time with a horse today. It wasn't really my first time ever seeing a horse, but it was my first time seeing a horse that wasn't either at least twenty feet away, or with twenty other kids around it. I pet it a little bit, and it smelled my hand a lot, then it walked away. Horses are weird.

But, I got out of my friends ranch, and he dropped me off by the pool and went back to his house. My ex was at the pool, and since I'm trying to be closer to him and maybe repair some bridges that got broken, I thought I should stop and say hello. That hello turned into me helping pull the leather cover off their jeep, which turned into just hanging out till they left.

There were six people there. Me, my ex, his good friend, her boyfriend, and two other guys I don't really know. I did get the impression that it got a lot more awquard when I got there, which I was trying to avoid. We didn't really talk about the issue at hand, not really good company for that. Instead we talked about how Adrien Brody got hot in Predators. I kept thinking about how it would be nice to have friends. And how I could probably never live without people.

Fucking hell man.

I'm only writing this because utorrent is taking all the bandwidth

I'm about to get two kittens. I don't really have to much more to say about that. Maybe I should have just twitter'd that. Whatever.

Some times I want to run away from this life. All this expectations, all this responsibility, all this pressure. Go ahead and become a wanderer. Go from place to place and live off the kindness of others, and give back to them what I can. Become a holy man, telling people how to live their life better. Become a tramp, picking up what little work I can to meet end's meet. Become a bard, tell people of more exciting days or more exciting lives.

The point of is all is that I want to live more free of what I do now. I want a existence that isn't tied down to anything. I want a life that isn't status quo.

I'm not all to sure of the logistics of it though. I can't really go more than a day or two without a shower before I start to feel like a grease trap. I don't really do to much with my time besides mess around on the computer. I'm not in shape at all, walking around or being in the heat for too long wouldn't really fit me. And I can't say I'm the prettist boy on the block either, free stuff wouldn't come eaisy.

Maybe I should get in shape and get a bit of plastic done before I go out into the world. Kinda weird for a hobo to have just come out of surgery. Whatever.

Most intresting weight lost system.

Features no exercise! Eat whatever you want! No need for any dangerous pills! Have more hours in your day!

All you have to do is try your absolute best to never sleep. I've been trying to do this for a few weeks, and I have already lost like five pounds. I think that's a mix of still trying to eat three square meals even though it's more of a 20-22 hour day, working out to try to stay awake, and being sick to my stomach a lot, so whenever I do eat, I can only eat half what I use to. Also, when ever I do sleep, I noramally sleep so hard, that I'll wake up in six hours, and my muscles will be too sore to lie back down.

There's also a lot more dreaming going on. Probably just because I can sleep in and wake when ever I want. But last night I had an intresting dream. It started out as a 2d view of just a couple of 8-bit pixles. I had one of the pixles that got to shoot at little crosses. I finally damaged one of them enough, that a win screen popped up, an 8-bit girl offered to give my ship a blow-job. I turned my ship around and fired at the "restart" block. Again, there were a few crosses that I shot at. And again, I finally damaged one enough to open something else. However this one opened something not 8-bit, or any bit.

It was a living room with a girl in pretty much in the same position as last time, but she looked much better. This girl had long brown hair over her naked body going over her smooth perfect tits and the rest of her tan body. I walk up to her and feel her tits, taking time with her softly pointing nipples with two percings a peice. She offers me a blow-job I move my hand down to her shaven crotch, I mention how I would like something else more. I put a finger in her and I almost melted. She was tight, very tight, the thought of my cock being in her made me want to melt. At that point, I would do anything to put my cock in her. She says that she's a virgin, I still want her. We make out a little bit and I wake up.

As soon as I wake up, I try to go back to sleep. I've been trying to practive lucid dreaming more, as soon as I wake up, I try to do WILD. Which is pretty much You lying so still and ignoring any awake checks from your body so it thinks your mind is asleep. Then you can open your eyes and start seeing shit. Takes a while though, like thirty minuets, and as a I've said before, my body gets so tired that it gets sore to keep sleeping.

Stuff like that has been happening to me a lot recently, I wake up from such a nice dream, I don't want to do anything else but go back to sleep. Maybe I have nothing better to do these days but dream the days away.

The Expectations I cannot live without and their exceptions

I have completely different expectations for my porn stars and my women.

Now, when I like to settle down for a little bit of 'Gentleman's Time', I generally go online to look at videos. Sometimes I'll go to places like /d/ and read a futa manga or something, but most of the time, I just go to redtube. I tend to have decently specific tastes when it comes to porn videos. Not like the girl has to be blond or Asian and the guy has to be generally my build, for the most part. The girl has to be shaved and not fat enough to rolls, I generally go for white girls mostly because black girls are weird and Asian girls are almost never shaved. My interest in guys are so specific that almost no one gets it right, just shut up and fuck the girl is all I say.

That's another thing, most porn videos start off ten minuets of them just talking. No offense, I like you being pieces of meat that get pounded. If I ever think I have a chance to date you I'll probably do all I can to find out more about you, otherwise, shut your trap before I put my cock in it. Then again, I don't really like blowjob scenes, which is the next ten minuets. So about ninety percent of the time, I just skip to the middle of the movie where she's already getting pounded. Hard. And moaning like she is. I don't really like dirty talk too much either. First off, I don't think that's very lady like. And yes I know she is having unprotected sex with someone she barely knows for cold hard cash, but I want her to keep some decency. And secondly almost no one does it right, most of it is "Oh god, I love your cock in my pussy!" Some times it even gets advance as "Oh god, I love your rock hard cock it my tight wet pussy!" Neither of which would get very far in the field of literary studies if written into a book. Good dirty talk could very well be written by Hemingway, or some other high class author that could write well and write porn.

Some other good things to shout during sex include "Yes/God yes/fuck me/harder/fuck me harder/Don't stop/*high pitched screams of pleasure*/*general moaning*." Also calling out names is good. The first time I've ever had a name called out during sex was when I was fingering a girl really intensely and she let the word "Light" slip from her mouth. For those who don't know, Light is the Americanized name of a character from the popular Manga/Anime series "Death Note". It's more his personality that makes him attractive. He's a serial killer. But a name was said that wasn't mine and I wasn't really sure how to react. Then again, I probably wouldn't know what to do if she said my name. Proven true by the first time a girl did shout out my name during sex. Part of me wanted to return the favor, part of me wanted to shout out "Oh, Jessica!", and part of me want to just keep doing what I was doing, like the last time a name was shouted out. And that was probably a good thing too, because I later found out wasn't Jessica. I think that would probably be an awquard moment to top them all. "Oh Wylv!" "Oh Jessica!" "Wait, who's Jessica?" "Aren't you Jessica?" "No!" "Then who the hell am I fucking?"

Lookie there, I've made a decently clean transition from porn to real life, now if only that could happen more often. The girls that I date tend to be not the girls that I would accept to star in porn I watch. They can be bigger girls, they can be hairy down there, they can have not such a nice complection. They can even have a bit of a mustache or sideburns and I wouldn't really care, mostly because dating an FTM has made me a lot more open to the possibility of reverse traps.

There's also a few more thing's I need in order to have a really good porn video. One is being a creampie. About 98% of all porn videos out there end with the guy pulling out and cumming onto the girls face. I don't like to do this in real life, so I don't like it in porn as well. I know that it feels probably ten times better to not have a condom on, but if it's a choice between using a condom, or pulling out, I'll get a condom because even though it feels ten times better to not have a condom on, it feels ten times better than that not to have to do something completely different at the end of it. I don't really think I could be a porn star just for that reason.

Lastly, it has to have color. I mean bold color. Bright blues or reds. I say this mostly because most porn look like they are shot in a hotel room with some off white lighting. By off white, I mean very much red or yellow. It looks like the white balance is off and is not a turn on at all. Hey, with all the videos out there, I can afford to be a little picky.

Merry July

There's too much fucking emotion in the world.

For pretty much this entire day, I've been looking at webcomics. Some of the more drama filled hotspots of the internet that I actually read. Teens and adults and wolves fight each other with words of not so much hate, but words that have the same feeling behind them. Kissing and death and weird action shots of volcanoes follow all these emotions. I feel for them. I feel for these two dementional characters that are made up by some guy trying to kill time. Deep sorrow can be felt when some guy types in that one betrayed/fucked/kissed/killed/made fun of someone they should not have. The best writers make you feel like you could know the characters yourself, no?

Then I went and chatted on Omegel for a while, kill some time. I got bounced over to a site called Six Billion Secrets. It's a new fad I'm seeing pop up around the internet. People being able to share real life stories anonymously about how good, bad, or hilarious their day, life, or situation is. Then hundred of thousands of other people just like them can read and sympathize on how much their life sucks, rocks, or would make a good sitcom.

The more I read these sites, the more I realize that most people are self-centered bastards that couldn't see an emotion in someone else if it fell on their head like a brick.

I'm starting to think that most people just want to be looked at. And most of the time, they have no reason for anyone to look at them. Most of the sceans out there, like goth, skater, hipster, don't really reflect what they are about. They're just filling up space in their empty lives. I think I've finally made a revelation. Instead of trying to look cool, actually be interesting. Have stuff going on in your life that people would like to join in on. In the time it took me to right this blog, I learned how to play "A Horse With No Name" by America. Not really anything worth praise, but a start. Maybe I can keep with it this time. Maybe I can become... Post-Hipster.

Scratch that, just looked it up. Practically means hipster. Maybe I can just be an interesting guy. Maybe not Dos Equis interesting, but it's something to aim for. Let's start off with a guitar and work my way up to sharks having a week dedicated to me.

Spiritual Oblivion

Sometimes the only reason I think I'm here is because I don't know any better.

What could have I been? I'm not talking doctor or fireman, I'm thinking bigger. I could have been a wolf for all I know. Why that popped into my head as the first thing is probably because I just got a copy of Ōkami for the Wii. Fucking amazing game. And I beat the whole thing without looking at any type of walkthrough for me. Not really a first but it has been a while. Especially for a largely puzzle game. I finally broke down and looked at IGN when I accidently stumbled apon the hardest challenge in the game. Ready to die at the fifth round of I didn't know how many, turns out there's ten.

I got on a tangent there. I'm just kinda wondering the nature of souls. Do they exist? Where do they go after we die? Where are they before we are born? Does everything have a soul? Can parts of things have their own soul? Can a group have a soul? Can souls have effects on the physical world, or visa-versa? Most importantly, why did my soul go into this body?

A thousand questions that living man might not ever answer. If we listen to science, they would tell us that our life is that and only that. There is no soul, no place that we go after we die and no place we were before we were born. That life as it is now is the only thing that matters. Why bother with church if the only place we go out of existence is into a grave?

I like to think a bit better than that. I've seen women trash on the floor when something dark inside of her was being pushed out. I've seen a man that hasn't has his lungs work right for ten years finally be able to take a deep breath after the touch of a holy man. I've heard things that no scientist would explain as a natural occurrence, felt chills in a room without wind, and seen things that could never have been there. More importantly I've heard men tell stories of walking the fine line of death and their experiences of coming back from the other side.

I'd like to think that after we die, that there isn't just some little place of dirt to call our own. That there is something more. Heck, if even all there was after we died was eternal punishment in a lake of fire, I would want to know. Probably so I can try to extend my life a bit more than I'm doing now. And maybe try to get use to heat more. If there is a hell, I hope it isn't just a lake of fire, I want it to be a bit more interesting. I want it to be my family reunion​ when I just got a smoking hot nymphomaniac girlfriend, that has issues about any PDA. I want it to be an urgent message courier for New York City during rush hour. I want it to be a nine to five job as an office bitch working for a company that sells paper. I want it to be my sixth grade class. I want it to be trying to teach the plot of a single episode of Lost to someone who's never seen it.

That being said, I don't really want there to be a hell. I'd like a heaven. But I think given enough time, heaven would be hellish. Getting to do whatever you want any time you want would be dull as hell after a year or two. Seems like getting a dream job that gets dull quicker than you can see your first paycheck.

If there is an afterlife, I hope it's a lot like earth here. Not everything is easy, not much comes free, and you have to give your time to get something good. And if there is an after life, I hope one day you can leave it, and I hope they have as much idea of where you go after that as we do now.

The Epic Struggle of Man

I want to run an immoral science experiment.

There has been a total of five people I've fucked. Two were girls, two were guys, and then there's my transsexual friend. Three have been virgins, two have fucked other people before me. Two were younger than me, one was about my age, and the other two were older than me.

This is about the two girls that I've fucked. This is about two of the virgins. This is about two of the people that were younger than me. This is about the two fourteen year old virgins that I've fucked.

With in a few days after I fucked the first fourteen year old girl, I noticed my dick seemed to get a bit bigger. Even my transsexual friend noticed and liked that it got a bit bigger. Then, after I took the cherry of the second fourteen year old girl, I noticed my dick got a bit bigger again. Not by much, but noticeable.

Now part of me wants to think that this is a coincidence, just a fluke of nature that just some growth spurts happened at that time. Then there's other part of me that wants to think that, yes, for some reason my dick happens to get bigger when ever I fuck a new girl. That I have and will have for the rest of my life, a way to make my dick bigger, not nessicarly anytime I want, but I don't really want to think that I have to fuck a virgin in order to have this effect though. Or a fourteen year old. Then again, if I have to fuck fourteen year olds, it probably wouldn't be to hard to get virgins as well.

Need actually scientific data about the size of my cock, the girls I'm with, and change over time. Maybe I can make a connection. If I do find out if there is a connection between fucking and dick size, I want to know. Not only for my own sake, but for the sake of all the other girls I will ever fuck. If I ever publish my findings, I will probably be called a pedophile.

Isn't what most men do an attempt to make their dick seem bigger? I'm just a little more direct.

I am safe.

Met with parents of J today, said that they kinda understand and would probably do the same thing if they were in that position, at least the step-dad did. More importantly, not pressing charges. They talked about how she's not exactly innocent, and how they need to keep a better leash on her. The mother just broke some major part of her leg, so she can't go back to work for three months, so in that time, she's going to keep a mighty close eye on her. They kept saying teens will be teens and didn't really blame me cuz they know their daughter is a slut. They also kept saying that they would use this time to "Instill the fear of god in her." Which I didn't really understand, and made me think more and more about kidnapping J, not so that I could have a sex slave, but for her own good. The church the mother goes to is the big flashy type of Christianity that asks you to give to the rich church so they can build a bigger, flashier church. Makes sunday seem like a three ring circus.

The step dad didn't quite talk so much. The t first comment was about how he would do what I did, then a grunt followed by the words "You know, hormones," when it matched what his wife was talking about. The next words out of his mouth is that how I am rather lucky, and that I didn't sleep with anyone's daughter that would have a grudge against the pervert and go after him with a shotgun. He also casualled mentioned that he does have a shotgun, and that two people that would be the type he just discribed would be J's older brother and biological father. Thankfully for me, they are both more than three hundred miles away. He also said he'll let it slide now, but next time, he will call the sheriff. If not one of the men eariler mentioned. He also mentioned about how there are plenty of guys in this county, that if I went and fucked their daughters, they would never find the body. He's a nice guy, I think.

So I'm probably going to stay away from that girl for a while. Till she's eighteen at least.

A thousand ways my day could have gone better.

Something so horrible has happened, that the thought of what might come next has made me wash my sheets.

Did I mention that J is only 14 years old? I think I did, did I mentioned that I fucked her multiple times? I think I did too. However, I don't believe that I ever wanted this mentioned to her parents, which from what I heard, just happened.

I woke up and texted J that we should meet up today. No response. Five minuets later, I text her again asking if she exists. Still no response. Then I'm about to text her that either she got her phone taken away, or I am going to be angry as hell at her, and no that will not be good for angry sex, before I get a call from my friend that he overheard a phone conversation that his parent had a talk with the parent of J, that said she confiscated her phone and looked at all the messages saying that we've fucked. Not to suprized that she didn't text me back now. But I am now frantically going through the house, picking up any condoms, throwing any used sheets into the washer because my friend also said that they were going to be coming over soon. I hid the condoms in a very secret place because I didn't quite thought I had time to burn them. But then I got everything done, and settled down at the computer and waited for them. That was about 2PM, and it is now past 3AM.

Worry is not your friend. Not knowing where someone is because they aren't on time and might be dead in a ditch, not bad. Getting a test back that may make or break your grade, not bad. Seeing your friend again after a particulary bad fight, not bad. Getting up your courage to go talk to a hot girl, ok that's kinda bad, but... Waiting for the cops to come pick you up and throw you in jail. Bad.

I am not a pedophile. At least I don't think of myself as a pedophile. She has a D-cup, so if I am a pedophile, I'm not the bad of one. She's drunk more alchol, smoke more ciggaretts, and has done more drugs than I probably ever will, yet these laws are in place to help protect young girls, like her, and their innocence. If she had any innocence to begin with, I didn't take it. If nothing else, I only gave her something else to be addicted too. Quick question, would you rather have your 14 year-old daughter have a very dedicated boyfriend that always uses proper birth control with her, or have a daughter with a very didicated crack dealer that always sells her good clean shit?

Lol, accidental 30 day challenge

Lets see what happened to me today.

J, new girl, was up texting till about 1:30 at night. Then I fell asleep and got a text at 8:30. Now that I think about it, it was 7 hours so I really should be complaining, but still. She sent me a text saying that she was home alone. I don't think any self respecting man could get a text that says "Hey, I've got plenty of time for you to come and fuck me this morning. I want your ass over here." And still go back to sleep. So I got up, I threw together a bag with condoms, snacks, and some underwear for her, and went up to her place. Never been there before so it took like a hour to find it. But once I got there, I relaxed a little bit. She danced around in her new underwear. Then we fucked, I thought it was a relaxing fuck.

She was slapping me a lot, not playful slapping, full on slapping. Like, almost wanted to punch her slapping. Then we went back to my place, half making out on my bed, half snuggling. And she was still slapping me a lot. I'm normally a laid back guy, not really one to look for a fight or yell at people and do any sort of catharsis. But it got to a point were I flipped her off of me and I got all her limbs of held down. And she was smiling. That's when I realized that angry sex is what she wanted. That all that slapping and making fun of me was her trying to make me angry, so she could get off properly. She could have done a lot better way to get me angry than just slapping me till I fucked her nice and hard. But that was effective, and I'm not all to sure what I would do if she said that she wanted me to get angry. So what did I do once she finally got me angry? Fucked her hard, of course. She claims that I'm so more passionate angry.

So now I looking for ways to get myself angry. Looking at pictures of stupid concepts, reading creationist theories, screaming and punching things. I even tried doing Guitar Hero on expert mode. But one thing has seemed to work particularly well...

Music.

The starting riffs, they empty me, they make me a shell to fill myself of what comes next. The singers reach me on a level that talking could never claw it's way down to. Solo's touch places that seem like they haven't been touched since the universe was made. The chorus, the repeated notes, drilling their way into my mind passing any emotional barriers that were ever created. The ending finally brings it to an close, where ninety percent of the weather the song is good or bad can rest on weather or not it has a good ending. The very beats coursing through my veins making it seem like emotion itself is prepackaged and sold in 1's and 0's.

The only problem is that I tend to not really have any heavy music. I think Porcupine Tree is my most heavy band, mostly listen to shit like Vampire Weekend.

And J is giving me a beat around

Man, today has been the weirdest day for me.

My ex called me. My ex called me and said that he(FTM transition, I think I can go with he here) wanted to meet up. I said yes. Maybe I could get a chance to apologize. I don't really know what I was thinking, but I know it wasn't what it turned out to be. He came over to my place. We talked, we had emotions spill out, we snuggled a little bit. We made out, we fucked each other. We had pizza. Basically he's hated me so much for what he calls rape, making him pregnate, then acting like a jerk. Three months of him being so emotionally fucked over from getting used, and dumped. Then the whole thing of what could have happened if the zygot that lived for a short time inside him lived to full term. A few months before the break-up, he had a dream. We were getting married, and we had a baby, named Ive. Or something like that, I can't really remember. But there was one bit where he and a friend were at a store, the passed by the little section for babies, and he just stood there, crying his eye's out. I can tell that he was very much broken up and I havn't even scratched the surface.

But we fucked and snuggled and did all these things just like it was old times again. And I loved it. One of the other major emotions he was feeling was, not so much hornyness, but just wanting someone to snuggle, someone to kiss and feel skin to skin. None of his other friends are really people for touching. Suck their dicks, maybe, no snuggling. And he was really missing that feeling of being close to someone. I was always the person to provide that, his snuggle crack dealer. So he came over to my place, and we made a bit of a move towards each other. And so we had one long ass sex session full of ass.

About the baby. I know that he at one small point in time carried something inside him that could have very easily become a full grown human being. While this is techinally true, I don't really think life begins at conception. While yea, everything is there and left alone, it would become a baby. If you took it out right then, it couldn't sustain itself. But then again, with that logic, you could say that one isn't a legal human being till you get out of collage and have your own job with a wage you can live on.

That tells me something that I think I've know for a long time. I'm not human.

I has a girl.

Remember J? I talked about her a while back, and how she is insanely hot for me. Well, I wrote a little something for all you guys.

She took her shirt off, she flung it to the floor and it made a wet smack. Still rather moist from swimming earlier, but the water only made her skin glisten more. She pressed her body against me and pressed her lips deep against mine. The moisture still contained in her bikini top made my chest cold, but then warm as she pressed her body against mine harder and harder. I started to unbutton her jean shorts, with a matching green bikini bottom showing through, both through holes rubbed off, and the strings being higher on her waist than the top of the shorts. I have to slide it off, bringing my hands down her ass and thighs.

She stops to say, "No fucking me today, ok?" She waits for a second for me to nod yes. But only for a moment before she grabs my head and continues her ravaging of my tongue with her's. She holds me tight, not wanting to let go, never wanting to let go. But I want something else. I grab hold of her neck, firmly, yet gently. No where near enough to cut of circulation or airflow, but enough to make it seem like I could. She brings her hands to mine, in some attempt to maybe escape. The look in her eyes proves to me that she is mine. Submissive to me and always will be. A cold sneer crosses my lips. I throw her onto my bed. She lands gently and looks up to see me climbing on top of her. Still that sneer on my face.

I took her legs and spread them, laying half on her with our crotches pushed together. We kiss again. I hold her head up and pull at the strings holding the bikini up then pull them down to reveal the soft mounds of her breasts. How much she's worked on her tan is obvious now. Gently, I squeeze and rub her white breasts, watching her as she enjoys her tits being molested. My mouth keeps her occupied, while my hands travel farther south. Rubbing her bikini and finding the top of her slit, she moans when I start off with her clitoris. Moving up and down and making her eyes go into far off places. Another hand makes a move towards her hip, finding the knots of her string bikini then gently pull. Full contact is possible now. Her breath is heavy and small moans become more and more common.

I take off my shirt and start to take off my pants, but she takes this time when I'm distracted to her advantage. She flips me over and climbs on top of me. Her crotch hovers above mine, and she bends over to kiss me more. Her legs are open just enough for me to reach my hand through, which I do so. I start masturbating under her, sometimes hitting up against her crotch. "That better be your fingers," she says. I reply, "I'm defiantly using my hands down here." Using my own cock I rub against her, not putting anything in, but teasing both of us quite nicely. This goes on for a while, with her pecking at my lips, and me rubbing against her lips. I can tell she likes my hand down there doing what it does. "How much do you want to fuck me?" she says, leaning back and onto my cock a little more. She really wants it, but she doesn't want to admit it. "I have half a mind to turn you over and take you right now." She looks down and moans a little before saying "Do it." I grab her right leg and swing it off of me, I climb on top of her and swing her legs back. I look her straight in the eye as I aim my cock and take the first plunge.

A deep intake of breath means that she has a new rush of feeling down there, I'm not all to sure if it's good or bad. I can tell she wants more, but she's in pain as well. I start moving in slowly in and out, she both pulls her body up and pushes towards me. I'm not all to sure if she wants more, or wants me out. I start moving faster and she decides. "It hurts," she pulls away and I fall out. "You got to stick with this, it's going to hurt your first time." I say to her. She nods, I take a finger and stick it in her, teasing her with it. It defiantly makes her more accepting when I stick it back in her. Now her moans are only of pleasure. I'm still going rather slow. Taking my time going in and out of her body. I'm still not all to sure if she is loosened up enough.

I go slightly faster, and then I hear the sigh that I know that she's enjoying it. "Harder." I let myself loose. I start to pound on her with my crotch. I start to feel the full depth of her wet moist cunt. It's all she can do to hold back from screaming in absolute pleasure. Her head rolls backwards and she lets her body do the work of giving her pleasure. She moves with me, making me hit her spot so much easier. With every stoke, she and I both get closer to ultimate pleasure. So close, our bodies pounding in time. The bed shakes and short sweet moans come out of her. My own mouth and my own body begin to betray me as I go over the edge. Deep grunts and unrelenting pounding happen as I get oh so close to the edge. I cum. And she isn't doing anything but looking at the ceiling with a smile on her face.

New computer troubles...

I got a new computer, a brand new right out of the fucking box took the protective film off of it myself new computer.

It's got a lot of problems. Most of which, I fixed right off the bat. To name a few, it came with both MacCaffe and Norton Antivirus software. Now, these are good programs that do their jobs with excellence, but they are not for me. I remember one of the last times I dealt with Norton, it advised that you buy the professional version insted of keep the free one. They even had a little table of the diffrenced between the two. One of the more notable things on this table was that both free and paid versions detect viruses, but only the pay for version had the little checkmark that says "Removes virus". I had to deal with a program that I forget the name of, but it's probably good that I have, but I remeber the type of program it was. Ransomware. Basically, it locked you out of your computer till you paid fifty bucks. It kept you from opening any program except for internet explorer, and it had a proxy rediret there that made it only go to there site. Where you had to pay to get the full version of the program where it would remove all these viruses it was finding and let you have your computer back. I looked it up, and they made the viruses up. It wasn't good for shit, and because Norton reminded me a lot of that program, I now think Norton is shit. So I uninstalled Norton and installed Avast before even connecting it to the internet.

Then a whole merryaid of programs came next since I was connected to the internet. CCleaner VLC, foobar2000, uTorrent, Rainmeter, WinRAR, YoWindow, Trillian, and VirtuaWin. Skype was already on here and was one of the few programs I deceded to keep. Also got Irfanview as pretty much a copy of the basic file viewer of XP, which I'm upgrading from, since the standard Windows 7 one sucks. Have to press three buttons to get the actual size and can't even play gifs. I don't care that you can play video files, that why you come with windows media player, which also sucks so I replaced it with foobar2000.

Also got the new version of firefox. 3.6.something. Big leap since my old computer only had 3.0.3. So I get the new firefox, try installing all my old add-ons and we start running into problems. I had to go into the comments of one of the add-ons to find a version that works since it's creator apparently just forgot about it. Another thing is that I couldn't get the SaveSession add-on to work. I tried two diffrent add-on and reinstalling them half a dozen times, but it wouldn't work. I eventually looked up why this is, and apparently it was because I didn't have the history being saved. At all. So when ever I closed it, it was lost to the sands of time. I went over to my old computer and looked at my old version of firefox, and found that the history was never saved and the SaveSession add on worked very well. Even though I love mozilla and everything they do, I wanted to punch them in the face. So I quickly downgraded to version 3.0.10 to keep my SaveSession, and not keep my history. It's kinda funny how big they can advertize how much they want you to have the newest version of Firefox. Even with all it's features, I still don't want it.

Oh yea, and I'm fucking a fourteen year old girl. Just thought you ought to know. I'll probably make a post about that tommorow.

Poolside Fun

Just got done making out with a girl for at least half an hour. It was awesome.

Today we had a pool party, nothing special really. We have one every Tuesday and I always get my group of friends to come over to the community pool for a few hours and party it up. It was actually rather good this time, I brought a bunch of cans of soda that were left over from my last party, some other kid brought two Rockstars, and another emptied out his cupboard of snack food to us.

Then all but me and one other kid left. I live about a fifth of a mile away from the pool, so I didn't need to go anywhere fast. There was also two other girls there, one I've met by my ex's parents were friends with her parents, and the other was her cousin. Let's call the one I already know J, now I'm pretty sure J has always had a crush on me, we tend to poke fun at each other a lot.

We were talking and poking fun at each other, then she asks me "Hey, why isn't your girlfriend here?"

I say, "She's not my girlfriend anymore."

"Oh, so you're single now?"

"Yea, what are you going to do about it?"

Then she's under me and gets right up to my mouth with her mouth. We start making out. Then she steals a plastic inflatable whale from me. We're half making out, half chasing each other for the whale. Then we start to not care about the whale so much and just start making out. I feel lucky that all the people there were there, my friend that stayed there a little longer than she was suppose to talked to J's cousin and they kept each other entertained. For half an hour while me and J were making out. Then we went behind a shed and made out some more and I felt her tits. It ended with her cousin begging them to leave because she might not be allowed to stay the night.

But I got her phone number and we're going to meet up Thursday. Probably for sex.

Gothic Candy

I have a date in about an hour. Kinda scared.

About a week ago, a girl sent a picture to me on facebook. It was a close up of her tits. She was in a bra and an open jacket, but still an obvious picture of the goods. This was a new experience. I've never had a girl so obviously come on to me. I can't really remember the last time a girl did come on to me, so that was kinda new too.

I wouldn't say the girl is a slut, but she is the type to cycle through boyfriends like millionaires go through cars. And from what she says, she hasn't fucked to many guys. But I'm still going to keep my emotional distance.

Mostly going for her because I want some. We're seeing Splice, should be interesting.

I am not a crook

I just started making my own magic card. I am into that sort of thing, but all the cards I have now seem to be a bit underpowered. I want my own cards. My own creatures and enchantments. None of this pay 4 dollars and you'll get one good card that you may or may not be able to use.

There isn't any guide to this though. So I had to make it myself.

First off, I created the card I want. I tried not to make it overtly powerful, so it seems more believable, but still would be a killer addition to any deck.

Steal the Sky 5U

Enchantment, Rare

If Steal the Sky has any charge counters on it, you cannot win the game and your opponents cannot lose the game.

Put a charge counter on Steal the Sky, add one of any mana to your mana pool. You may play this ability as an instant and as many times as needed to.

1: Remove a charge counter from Steal the Sky

You can borrow from the gods, but be prepared to pay them back.

So with this card here, we have a practically unlimited mana pool and an exchanging system to instantly get any color mana. The draw backs are obvious, you don't want to get to far in the hole because you could never dig yourself out in time to have your opponent in the hole but you still be in the positive. Even still, it should cost more than six mana. I actually got this idea in one of my government classes. Yay deficit spending.

So on to the actual chea- making part. First, I took a dremel bit to one of my mountains that I have five copies of the exact same mountain of. I made it nice and clean, a white canvas to paint on. Then I took a while and made about ten different prints onto a peice of photo paper trying to get the size and positioning right. I finally figured it out by pasting the JPEG into Microsoft word and making the sideways deminiton exactly 2.5 inches, the size of a regulation magic card. Then I just taped the card directly onto the paper, exactly over the other one. It took me a bit of thinking to come up with that. If you don't have a crappy printer, you should have trouble with it jamming. And I pressed print, and Walla!

Honestly, its not to good. My printer is a peice of crap and the card looks like shit. It bleed freaking everywhere and the thing some how managed to smear it up. The card is noticably lighter and lets a lot more light through it. And the texture the dremel tool left is nothing near the glossy paper feel of every other card.

It's shit, but its a start and I'm proud.

De-Friend

My Ex defriended me on facebook.

I don't really know why I am making a big deal about this, or why it's important at all, but I'm still going to rant on about it. I mean, all I did to her is made her feel worthless every time we met, then I impregnated her, and she found out she was pregnant by, in her own words, having a body of a dead child pushed out of her. I'm not such a bad guy, I'm just a little unlucky.

I should have seen this coming, right now for all I care, she could just go jack off with her invisible cock.

Opposite Gender Day

My Emotions are a fucking roller coaster.

That felt good.

Holy shit P90X is a fucking killer, first day seems fun!

I am trying to be healthier in my life, exercise more, do more for my body and for my life.

But right now I feel like shit again. Why? My fucking ex.

This text was sent to me at about 8 pm.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU. I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY YOU COULD LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO EXPEL THE REMAINS OF A DEAD CHILD FROM YOUR BODY. I HOPE THIS HAUNTS YOU TILL THE DAY YOU DIE."

Ain't she just lovely? The main mental part of me is going "So, what the fuck do I care? I'm done with that whore and I don't need her love or attention at all." Then there's that other little emotional part of me that kinda goes "You really hurt her, you aren't nice at all." I fucking hate emotions sometime. I know that it wouldn't work out, I know that she's changed so much from what she was the only way I could hold on to her is if I tied her down and did a bit of reprogramming.

I finally realized this the other day when she called my that she miscarried. She didn't even know she was pregnant so it doesn't make to much sence that she was any bit attached to it, but you know, Women. I finally realized that I probably shouldn't be with her at all. I finally realized that being with her was a bad thing to do and would probably lead to my feelings getting crushed more and more. I realized that I was free of her. Free of her repressive control of my own mental crushing of thinking about her constantly of wanting to be with her all the time of being such a goddamn dependent pussy.

But then she sends that, and I'm back in that mood of thinking about her, what I could to to make ammends. At the way she sounded, probably time would be the best thing. Like ten or twenty years, maybe more. And I am starting to rebound a little bit, starting to get thoes loose feelings that I got back when I was single and had no friends or people to be around with for days on end. I yearn for a loving touch or good fuck. If I was certain that was all she wanted, I might even take some from my ex. Probably not 'cuz she a bitch.

No one can make me feel more like shit than that girl.

Alright, let me get a breakdown over what's happened over the last few weeks.

1. My girlfriend broke up with me, citing that things like I want way to much sex and I still see her as a girl even though she is trying to transition. I was devastated, broken and I would do anything to get her back.

2. In a few days, I became ok with it. She was just another lost one that didn't know what she was missing. We talked, agreed to be friends, and that seemed to be that.

3. About a week later, we had sex. That nasty little thing that broke us up, was the same thing that we did that night. At the time, she was horny as fuck and too horny for her own good.

4. We talked online. I don't want to go into too much detail. When she woke up the next morning, she was pissed. I took advantage of her, I wasn't a good friend, I was this, I was that. She was not happy. Then I said one thing that made me seem like a complete douche.

Fuck man, she said it made me seem like I just pulled a Zapp Brannigan on her. I like her a lot and I got to the point where I want to keep being a friend. But I think I might have fuck that up. And I don't like it at all. I was ok with not being in a relationship, I was ok with no sex, I don't think I'm ok with loseing a friend though. Sex is complicated, and fucks shit up.

I wanna go cry now, or at least slit my wrists.

This is bad.

This is bad this is bad this is bad...

I think my girl/boyfriend might have just broken up with me. That's probably what just happened. Herrrrrrrrr fuck.

Over text she started saying that the last few times we've been together, "I leave you feeling worse than when I come to you more and more lately."

And it goes down hill from there, "I don't think being in a relationship of any kind is going to help that right now."

After that it was just kinda "Can we still be friends?" and then she accused me of being a peice of shit of something that she took totally the wrong way. I reply "I didn't mean it like that" and she kinda goes "well whatever talk to you later".

I might be able to still date her, cuz she said she would talk to me on saturday. Right up some romantic crap, hopefully we could still be friends at least. Hopefully I can get her back.

Ups and Downs

My GF/BF just came and went through a cycle of high/low, and I wish I took more advantage of it.

At that little ren faire she was helping with, there were a few guys hanging around a campfire and having beer, she joined in and explained that she wanted to be a he. All these drunk guys went "You're a dude in our books", and that made her happy. Ecstatically happy. Happy enough that I got to fuck her in her vagina. I know the concept of "feeling manly makes the thought of putting a penis in my cooch easier" doesn't make too much sense. But whatever I rolled with it. I tried to make her feel manly, and loved all the sex I got for it. Life was good and I didn't feel the need to blog my issues.

Then last Thursday, we got this crazy idea to dress her up like a girl and do a photo shoot. Even though she looks a heck of a lot like a boy most of the time, when she flaunts off her figure, she's got something fierce. Which may have led to her downfall. I got turned on by this hot chick in front of me, and she got reminded that her body isn't what she wants it to be at all. So there was a night of good sex. Then there was a morning of O.K. sex. Then there was the last few days of feeling no where near what she was a week ago.

When she's not happy, I'm not happy. Partly because my crotch soldier can't get happy. And I want to help, I do, it's just that my damn hormones keep getting in the way of being a loving individual instead of just a horny fuck.

Also I have another issue. She is 8 days late on her period. I keep bringing that up in my mind and thinking "Oh Fuck, she preggers, mother is going to kill me." Then again she has also told me that she hasn't really been keeping track of her periods until last January. Now I don't know Vaginas too well, but I think that I don't think I could tell how long my cycle is in just two months, so I'm feeling a little better. But still there is that thought in my head of "I'm going to have a little baby boy. Then my mother is going to nail her baby boy to the wall."

Notes of a True Scotsman

I had a weird thought cross my mind this morning. "Why do I need underwear today?" Its something I've been thinking about for a while, in the modern society, we do not need undergarments as much as those who live before toilet paper. Heck, I'm seeing my GF today, one more layer between me and her cooch might be a bad thing.

So, I woke up early, took a shower, got together some shit, and went down to see my girlfriend. Where was my girlfriend was and has been for the past few days is this local yearly renn fair. I had a few blankets for her so I got in thirty minuets early holding just one load saying "Deliveries" to the guy at the front gate. Other than that, I bummed around for a while, looking at all the shit that people brought to sell. Everything from smocks to swords, and some more. After she got off her shift that pretty much earned her a free ticket in, we went around looking at all the clothes.

She convinced me to buy a kilt. I admit, its cool. By that I mean, the breeze that goes up there. After I buy it, we both go into this single stall, mens bathroom. She had convincing enought facial hair, that was once mine. yay latex glue Anyway, I put the kilt on and take my pants off underneath. Then I remember that I didn't have any underwhere that day. And my girlfriend has my pants and are not agreeing to give them back. What a bitch.

The rest of the day I was nervous, just that one little breeze that would send my thin kilt up enough to show my ass off to a little girl that has a father that will beat my ass and mother that will get me permantly on a Sex Offender list. I have normal worries. But it was late in the day, and soon enough, we went back to her tent. And fucked hard. In kilts. Awesome.

Manty trouble

I like little social experiments, changing little things about yourself to see if anyone notices. No one has however. Shave one arm, nothing. Dye beard purple, no one notices until halfway through the day. Mostly because, as it turns out, hair dye doesn't always make your hair the color you want it to. It just turned it a little red. kinda makes me look Irish.

Anyways, I mostly came up here to tell you about my new experiment, mantyhose. We got this weird thing in our school where you dress up to show school spirit on the indicated days. Monday is Jean Jacket day, Tuesday is Camo day Wednesday is Ugly Sweater day and there's some more days in the week but whatever. The important bit is Camo day, I have a pair of camoflauge pantyhose. And women, are your ankles the same size as your thighs, because apparently who ever makes the camo tights I have thinks that women are built like that. One size fits all my ass.

I always just blog about my problems, I need to explain how good I have it some time.

My girlfriend is probably off fucking some other guy right now. By fucking I mean that she's the one with the strap on and he's bent over.

I don't quite know how much this bothers me. I know, I know, I don't know what I know actually. I want to say I'm fine with it, in some respects I am. I'm decently sure that she's not going to run off with him. But its this thing that she can't get everything she needs from me anymore. She needs to feel like a he, she needs to feel manly. She wants to be my bottom, she wants to be my thing to fuck, but she can't, not without turning into a useless pile of emotionally unstable mush.

She also convinced that whenever she fucks me, that I get emotionally torn up as she does inside. Which isn't true, I kinda like it. Actually, I like it a lot.

Between a choice of nothing at all or getting fucked, I would defiantly choose the latter, if nothing else but to be with her/him/whatever that thing I love is.

Whryyyyyyyyyyyy

Fucking hate my life right now.

Not that's its been a particularly bad day, it's just has ended in a way that I do not want happening. Lately my girlfriend, and I say girlfriend here just because I'm use to her being my girlfriend, has been hanging out with her best friend a lot. Not that that's bad, she should have a life. But her best friend use to have a boyfriend and use to be going to home school. Which is just doing homework a lot. But there is an important bit there of "use to". Now she doesn't, now they can hang out all the freaking time. Which is kinda digging into my sex life. Which really pissing me off.

And me and her and everyone we know is kinda joining in of No Fap Feburary, this has not been as fun as a month as I thought it would be. and it's only a week into it.

Clods explain relationships.

You know what my relationship is right now, to explain it to you best, I got to use a metaphor.

Relationships in general is like being a young guy working at an up-scale restaurant, OK? You generally have two choices, working as a waiter, or working valet. They're not really that different of jobs, you can both run into crappy customers, you get about the same pay and you can get good tips if you are nice. Then there are some other people who want to go higher and be a chef, but let's not talk about them.

Most guys would say, "I wanna be a waiter", for one or more of a variety of reasons. They would want just the pleasure of working with the food all the time. The might not ever want to be a valet guy, they like cars, don't get them wrong, but for something serious, they wanna serve food. It's just what their parents and the rest of society would prefer them to do.

Some guys would say, "Yea, bring on the cars," cuz they're just like that. They might tell about how serving food to people can be a pain and not fun at all, just not worth the time. That cars can more easily speak their language then a bitchy customer that expects you to know what they want. Sometimes, they might want to stay with a car and be recognized as being together for the rest of their life, but that's not legally possible in most states just yet.

Then you get some guys who wouldn't mind either one that came their way, they are just cool like that. The situation I'm in now is when I was in some job waiting tables, I liked my job, nice benefits, easy hours. Then one day, my boss, who is apparently the creator of all of us who I'm getting more and more sure each day is myself, came up and said to me, "You, you're going to go valet now. Got it?" Most men at this point would say, "No way, fuck that, fuck you, I'm outta here." But I'm not most guys, what I said was "What's the worst that can happen."

Lighting, fuck yea!

I hate going green.

I mean, some bits, I like the idea of saving the earth and all that, but the small earth saving tips seem really bad. Mostly the light bulbs, I do not like floresent lightbulbs, they take forever to warm up. When I turn on a lightbulb, I want light, not to wait for a while, then be able to see whatever it is I'm doing.

Then I thought I would go one step further, LED bulbs. They hurt my eyes. I don't know what it is about them, but the wavelength of light does not agree with my eyes at all, so they're fucking useless.

Looks like I'm going to go with the incandescent lighting for now. Oh well, fuck the planet. And Al Gore.

A beginners guide to psychic shielding.

First day with my energy vamp girl/boyfriend was a good one. I manage to keep my shield up most of the time and didn't feel tired at all when she left. That's not too interesting. What is interesting is how much I've learned about psychic shielding in such a short time. God, I love the internet.

Basically, what I've learned is that energy vamps take energy, life force or prana pretty naturally. They don't mean to do it, well most of them, they just survive better with it. Kinda like if you don't eat anything for a week, you survive, yes, but you're not feeling to hot. They take it from whoever they can, sometimes more active people that can handle the downtime, sometimes from crowds, sometimes from lovers in the heat of the act. But that's where you come in. You are food. Not the type that you fry up, but more like if you took steak from a cow strand by strand.

If you aren't properly shielded and you meet up with a psy vamp that's licking their lips, you can often walk away feeling tired, grumpy and ready to turn in for the night even thought it's ten in the morning. "What is this magical shielding technique, oh wise and powerful master?" you ask? Well, its quite simple and you can probably just google it, so I'm not going to waste my time with it here. But I will tell you what I've done with it.

One of the first things I did is add incantations for the basic techniques. Imagining a bright light pushing out the bad things in my body comes following the words, "Penitus lux lucis." Roughly translated into Latin it means, "inner light." Now none of the websites I visited mentioned a need for incantations, or any incantations at all. I find them useful as a kind of break between when I'm dozing off with my shield and when I put it up or reamp it. A point between here and there. I got a little shitty online latin translator to do the trick, it probably isn't what it really means in latin, but it's the thought that counts. I also have similar things for other types of shields, like fire.

Also a thing I've done with fire, I was kinda fucking with my shield, kinda fucking with psyballs. I made a shield out of fire, basic bright red spiritual fire. Then I added another layer of the shield, a red glass egg surrounding me. Then I did that inner light trick. For some reason, the Fire was still going strong without having a base or anyway to escape. This was actually causing a lot of pressure. I thought I would just go with it and see if I could do something with it, I pull it all off my body and make it float in front of me. A shield with a strong fire inside and white pure light inside that. I tried to squeeze it down. I tried to squeeze it down as far as I can, I don't really know what I was trying to do, maybe make a diamond. That would be interesting, not something to try on the first day though. It gave me a headache, a massive headache, but hey, I now I know that there maybe is something more to this besides just visualization, maybe it's something more physical.

I'm tired of these motherfucking energy vampires!

I just kinda figured out something. My Boy/girlfriend is an energy vampire.

Well I kinda already knew, because she told me way back when. Then again that was also a time where she still had the whole multiple personalities going on and she has gotten a lot more normal since then. I thought that was kind of just a phase. Apparently not.

Recently, I've always been tired after messing with her for a while. At first, I attributed this to the long amounts of full-force fucking that went on with her. Then there were times when I got tired before anything naughty began. I thought that maybe that my body was tired because it knew if it became tired, I would go to bed, bringing her with me. Then sex was sure to follow.

Then I got on to an otherkin site, never a good idea. I read some things about vampires and for a second I thought I was one, that was mostly because I like to bite things, but I seem to be much closer to a fairy. I know I'm something immortal and I've never really seen things about old fairies. Or male fairies for that matter, but anyway. There were some things on physic vampires, how they made you feel tired. I kind of went "Oh shit, that's it, isn't it?"

I need to practice my shielding techniques.

Avatar in 3-D wasn't as good as just 2-D

Action movies suck. I mean they really suck. They have no originality any more. I just saw avatar, and admittedly, that was the first in maybe a new type of sci-fi, but there were half a dozen trailers before it, and I had a bit of trouble telling one from another.

Here is three movies coming out soon.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Yes an original story, with all the gods and monsters of ancient Greece to back them up.
Sherlock Homes: Not only is Robert Downy Jr. an action version of the famed character, he is also crazy.
Clash of the Titans: A remake, I could not tell anything about the plot except that there's a god-damm Kracken in it.
Honorable mentions: Jurassic Park 4, Iron Man 2, Harry Potter 7

It seems like nothing anymore has an ounce of imagination. And it seems like it is all about high-octane, quick paced action. Not about any whim of plot. Our society has become this mass of ADD children looking at the next thing that will blow up.