That felt good.

Holy shit P90X is a fucking killer, first day seems fun!

I am trying to be healthier in my life, exercise more, do more for my body and for my life.

But right now I feel like shit again. Why? My fucking ex.

This text was sent to me at about 8 pm.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU. I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY YOU COULD LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO EXPEL THE REMAINS OF A DEAD CHILD FROM YOUR BODY. I HOPE THIS HAUNTS YOU TILL THE DAY YOU DIE."

Ain't she just lovely? The main mental part of me is going "So, what the fuck do I care? I'm done with that whore and I don't need her love or attention at all." Then there's that other little emotional part of me that kinda goes "You really hurt her, you aren't nice at all." I fucking hate emotions sometime. I know that it wouldn't work out, I know that she's changed so much from what she was the only way I could hold on to her is if I tied her down and did a bit of reprogramming.

I finally realized this the other day when she called my that she miscarried. She didn't even know she was pregnant so it doesn't make to much sence that she was any bit attached to it, but you know, Women. I finally realized that I probably shouldn't be with her at all. I finally realized that being with her was a bad thing to do and would probably lead to my feelings getting crushed more and more. I realized that I was free of her. Free of her repressive control of my own mental crushing of thinking about her constantly of wanting to be with her all the time of being such a goddamn dependent pussy.

But then she sends that, and I'm back in that mood of thinking about her, what I could to to make ammends. At the way she sounded, probably time would be the best thing. Like ten or twenty years, maybe more. And I am starting to rebound a little bit, starting to get thoes loose feelings that I got back when I was single and had no friends or people to be around with for days on end. I yearn for a loving touch or good fuck. If I was certain that was all she wanted, I might even take some from my ex. Probably not 'cuz she a bitch.