No one can make me feel more like shit than that girl.

Alright, let me get a breakdown over what's happened over the last few weeks.

1. My girlfriend broke up with me, citing that things like I want way to much sex and I still see her as a girl even though she is trying to transition. I was devastated, broken and I would do anything to get her back.

2. In a few days, I became ok with it. She was just another lost one that didn't know what she was missing. We talked, agreed to be friends, and that seemed to be that.

3. About a week later, we had sex. That nasty little thing that broke us up, was the same thing that we did that night. At the time, she was horny as fuck and too horny for her own good.

4. We talked online. I don't want to go into too much detail. When she woke up the next morning, she was pissed. I took advantage of her, I wasn't a good friend, I was this, I was that. She was not happy. Then I said one thing that made me seem like a complete douche.

Fuck man, she said it made me seem like I just pulled a Zapp Brannigan on her. I like her a lot and I got to the point where I want to keep being a friend. But I think I might have fuck that up. And I don't like it at all. I was ok with not being in a relationship, I was ok with no sex, I don't think I'm ok with loseing a friend though. Sex is complicated, and fucks shit up.

I wanna go cry now, or at least slit my wrists.

This is bad.

This is bad this is bad this is bad...

I think my girl/boyfriend might have just broken up with me. That's probably what just happened. Herrrrrrrrr fuck.

Over text she started saying that the last few times we've been together, "I leave you feeling worse than when I come to you more and more lately."

And it goes down hill from there, "I don't think being in a relationship of any kind is going to help that right now."

After that it was just kinda "Can we still be friends?" and then she accused me of being a peice of shit of something that she took totally the wrong way. I reply "I didn't mean it like that" and she kinda goes "well whatever talk to you later".

I might be able to still date her, cuz she said she would talk to me on saturday. Right up some romantic crap, hopefully we could still be friends at least. Hopefully I can get her back.

Ups and Downs

My GF/BF just came and went through a cycle of high/low, and I wish I took more advantage of it.

At that little ren faire she was helping with, there were a few guys hanging around a campfire and having beer, she joined in and explained that she wanted to be a he. All these drunk guys went "You're a dude in our books", and that made her happy. Ecstatically happy. Happy enough that I got to fuck her in her vagina. I know the concept of "feeling manly makes the thought of putting a penis in my cooch easier" doesn't make too much sense. But whatever I rolled with it. I tried to make her feel manly, and loved all the sex I got for it. Life was good and I didn't feel the need to blog my issues.

Then last Thursday, we got this crazy idea to dress her up like a girl and do a photo shoot. Even though she looks a heck of a lot like a boy most of the time, when she flaunts off her figure, she's got something fierce. Which may have led to her downfall. I got turned on by this hot chick in front of me, and she got reminded that her body isn't what she wants it to be at all. So there was a night of good sex. Then there was a morning of O.K. sex. Then there was the last few days of feeling no where near what she was a week ago.

When she's not happy, I'm not happy. Partly because my crotch soldier can't get happy. And I want to help, I do, it's just that my damn hormones keep getting in the way of being a loving individual instead of just a horny fuck.

Also I have another issue. She is 8 days late on her period. I keep bringing that up in my mind and thinking "Oh Fuck, she preggers, mother is going to kill me." Then again she has also told me that she hasn't really been keeping track of her periods until last January. Now I don't know Vaginas too well, but I think that I don't think I could tell how long my cycle is in just two months, so I'm feeling a little better. But still there is that thought in my head of "I'm going to have a little baby boy. Then my mother is going to nail her baby boy to the wall."

Notes of a True Scotsman

I had a weird thought cross my mind this morning. "Why do I need underwear today?" Its something I've been thinking about for a while, in the modern society, we do not need undergarments as much as those who live before toilet paper. Heck, I'm seeing my GF today, one more layer between me and her cooch might be a bad thing.

So, I woke up early, took a shower, got together some shit, and went down to see my girlfriend. Where was my girlfriend was and has been for the past few days is this local yearly renn fair. I had a few blankets for her so I got in thirty minuets early holding just one load saying "Deliveries" to the guy at the front gate. Other than that, I bummed around for a while, looking at all the shit that people brought to sell. Everything from smocks to swords, and some more. After she got off her shift that pretty much earned her a free ticket in, we went around looking at all the clothes.

She convinced me to buy a kilt. I admit, its cool. By that I mean, the breeze that goes up there. After I buy it, we both go into this single stall, mens bathroom. She had convincing enought facial hair, that was once mine. yay latex glue Anyway, I put the kilt on and take my pants off underneath. Then I remember that I didn't have any underwhere that day. And my girlfriend has my pants and are not agreeing to give them back. What a bitch.

The rest of the day I was nervous, just that one little breeze that would send my thin kilt up enough to show my ass off to a little girl that has a father that will beat my ass and mother that will get me permantly on a Sex Offender list. I have normal worries. But it was late in the day, and soon enough, we went back to her tent. And fucked hard. In kilts. Awesome.

Manty trouble

I like little social experiments, changing little things about yourself to see if anyone notices. No one has however. Shave one arm, nothing. Dye beard purple, no one notices until halfway through the day. Mostly because, as it turns out, hair dye doesn't always make your hair the color you want it to. It just turned it a little red. kinda makes me look Irish.

Anyways, I mostly came up here to tell you about my new experiment, mantyhose. We got this weird thing in our school where you dress up to show school spirit on the indicated days. Monday is Jean Jacket day, Tuesday is Camo day Wednesday is Ugly Sweater day and there's some more days in the week but whatever. The important bit is Camo day, I have a pair of camoflauge pantyhose. And women, are your ankles the same size as your thighs, because apparently who ever makes the camo tights I have thinks that women are built like that. One size fits all my ass.

I always just blog about my problems, I need to explain how good I have it some time.

My girlfriend is probably off fucking some other guy right now. By fucking I mean that she's the one with the strap on and he's bent over.

I don't quite know how much this bothers me. I know, I know, I don't know what I know actually. I want to say I'm fine with it, in some respects I am. I'm decently sure that she's not going to run off with him. But its this thing that she can't get everything she needs from me anymore. She needs to feel like a he, she needs to feel manly. She wants to be my bottom, she wants to be my thing to fuck, but she can't, not without turning into a useless pile of emotionally unstable mush.

She also convinced that whenever she fucks me, that I get emotionally torn up as she does inside. Which isn't true, I kinda like it. Actually, I like it a lot.

Between a choice of nothing at all or getting fucked, I would defiantly choose the latter, if nothing else but to be with her/him/whatever that thing I love is.

Whryyyyyyyyyyyy

Fucking hate my life right now.

Not that's its been a particularly bad day, it's just has ended in a way that I do not want happening. Lately my girlfriend, and I say girlfriend here just because I'm use to her being my girlfriend, has been hanging out with her best friend a lot. Not that that's bad, she should have a life. But her best friend use to have a boyfriend and use to be going to home school. Which is just doing homework a lot. But there is an important bit there of "use to". Now she doesn't, now they can hang out all the freaking time. Which is kinda digging into my sex life. Which really pissing me off.

And me and her and everyone we know is kinda joining in of No Fap Feburary, this has not been as fun as a month as I thought it would be. and it's only a week into it.