Two things first. I originally wrote this for /r9k/, so I took a few liberties with things. Second, this majorly comes out of an oral fixation I have. I feel like I could do nothing but make out for hours with the right person. Which is rather sad because my fuck buddy right now tends to dislike using his mouth for much. Thirdly, I was doing NaNoWriMo? Fuck, that totally slipped my mind somewhere down the line.
A lot of my male/lez friends talk about whenever a hot girl walks by, they start fantasizing about they'd fuck her, maybe take her from behind or shove her head in their crotch. Don't get me wrong, I do have fantasies about them too, it's just that mine are always a bit more... Cannibalistic.
I imagine myself maybe in a passionate make out session with the subject that just crossed my eyes. The type of intense kissing that tends to say "Tonight, we're going to go all the way, and when we get there, we're never coming back." The kissing is always a little rough too. Sometimes a bit to much force then necessary getting a part of one another's body from here to there, holding down of one subject by the other, sometimes nails digging into various body parts.
I always like to pay special attention to the neck. I find it one of the better parts of the human body. It's sensitive, just the right size to seek you teeth into, and unlike other bite-able parts like arms or legs, it's always close to where you wanna be. This is weird typing it out, but I'm going to try my best.
I do imagine biting into them. Typically neck first, not really because I want the meat from there, not to much into blood for it's edible qualities, but there's typically enough blood pouring out of them at that point that they don't stay conscious for long. I hear a few veins in the thighs are good for that too. Might try that next time. I tend to imagine myself tearing off strips with my bear teeth. Often starting at limbs and working my way inward. I don't always hit them neck first though. Sometimes I like talking off a chunk of skin and muscle just to see how they react. Holding them down as they panic and scream in pain. Finishing up is always a bit messy.
Sometimes I wonder if I could pull of that gothic 'vamp' look and get some canine extenders. Then I think, nah that'd be retarded.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I am officially insane
I'm going to do NaNoWriMo again.
The notion didn't really cross my mind until a few days ago. Before that point, whenever I thought about it, or someone brought it up, I thought, "Yea, I did it once, that was kinda fun, that was enough for me." But on Friday or Saturday I saw something and that made me think. Damn me to hell, twice, once for watching this show to begin with, and second off for drawing such inspiration from it to make one month of my life a lot more trouble than it needs to be, but I saw an episode of Family Guy. The scene is one of Stewie making fun of Brian in a roundabout way for when Brian either casually mentioned, or seriously considered writing a novel. "So you've been working on that novel. Three years? All this time you've been working on this novel. Do you have a plot, beginning, middle, end? You got a compelling protagonist?" This goes on for about a minuet and a half all the while Stewie's voice is getting higher and higher in a classic 'Family guy taking a joke that could be told in half a second and spending a full ten seconds on it'.
But that got me thinking, 'Yea, that sounds like fun. Crafting my own little world and spending so much time and effort filling it with characters people might want to read about. Devising plots and sub-plots and derivatives of those plots and mixing them all together in a interesting way. It's almost like a puzzle, trying to figure out how this story is going to happen, how it's going to end, how it's going to start, what the fuck is going on between here and there. Who is everyone, what makes them unique, what makes them tic and what pisses them off. How do they interact with each other. What's the major plot line, the details of how and why this is all happening. Where is all this happening, settings times places props background. How do I make this interesting?'
And so now, apparently, I'm working on a novel, when I'm not playing minecraft that is.
The notion didn't really cross my mind until a few days ago. Before that point, whenever I thought about it, or someone brought it up, I thought, "Yea, I did it once, that was kinda fun, that was enough for me." But on Friday or Saturday I saw something and that made me think. Damn me to hell, twice, once for watching this show to begin with, and second off for drawing such inspiration from it to make one month of my life a lot more trouble than it needs to be, but I saw an episode of Family Guy. The scene is one of Stewie making fun of Brian in a roundabout way for when Brian either casually mentioned, or seriously considered writing a novel. "So you've been working on that novel. Three years? All this time you've been working on this novel. Do you have a plot, beginning, middle, end? You got a compelling protagonist?" This goes on for about a minuet and a half all the while Stewie's voice is getting higher and higher in a classic 'Family guy taking a joke that could be told in half a second and spending a full ten seconds on it'.
But that got me thinking, 'Yea, that sounds like fun. Crafting my own little world and spending so much time and effort filling it with characters people might want to read about. Devising plots and sub-plots and derivatives of those plots and mixing them all together in a interesting way. It's almost like a puzzle, trying to figure out how this story is going to happen, how it's going to end, how it's going to start, what the fuck is going on between here and there. Who is everyone, what makes them unique, what makes them tic and what pisses them off. How do they interact with each other. What's the major plot line, the details of how and why this is all happening. Where is all this happening, settings times places props background. How do I make this interesting?'
And so now, apparently, I'm working on a novel, when I'm not playing minecraft that is.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
It's like that Recurring Nightmare that you've only had once
I don't think I dream like normal people. I'm not really sure if that sentence made sense. I don't really know what a normal dream is to be honest. But lately, I've been having this series of dreams that have been full of various repeated things that I've never really heard other people talk about in their dreams.
First is this restart thing that happens occasionally. It probably has to do with how much I play video games. If I fail at something, or if something goes horribly wrong or sometimes for no reason, I'll be back where I was five minuets ago to try again. A week ago, I had a dream where this little village I lived in was being bombed my air raids. It was my job to take down the zeppelins that were bombing us and take out their leader. The first time around, after the bombed most of the village, they landed, I boarded and found myself woefully under prepared for a fight with a girl with a mace before she finally shot me. The second time around, I found an airplane, landed on and sabotaged the zeppelin before it bombed anything and found the leader girl and easily took her down and took her gun from her and shot her in the chest. It was awesome.
Another thing I never hear anyone else talking about and something that annoys the fuck out of me is that I never get to have sex in my dreams. Anytime I get to hot and bothered in my dreams, I'll wake up as if my mind is pushing me out for being to naughty. When I come out of those, I feel like I always wake up really easy, that just makes me infinitely more frustrated because I can't fall asleep back into that dream. And 99% of the time, I absolutely hate it and it just want me to bang stuff harder. But last night, I found that 1% for the first time. The other person in my dream was my 6th grade teacher who was trying to seduce me. And if you don't know my 6th grade teacher, which you better not since this is an anonymous blog, she is a mix of the Mother/Witch character from Tangled and a boot camp instructor. If you do know my 6th grade teacher, get out of here stalker.
BLARG
First is this restart thing that happens occasionally. It probably has to do with how much I play video games. If I fail at something, or if something goes horribly wrong or sometimes for no reason, I'll be back where I was five minuets ago to try again. A week ago, I had a dream where this little village I lived in was being bombed my air raids. It was my job to take down the zeppelins that were bombing us and take out their leader. The first time around, after the bombed most of the village, they landed, I boarded and found myself woefully under prepared for a fight with a girl with a mace before she finally shot me. The second time around, I found an airplane, landed on and sabotaged the zeppelin before it bombed anything and found the leader girl and easily took her down and took her gun from her and shot her in the chest. It was awesome.
Another thing I never hear anyone else talking about and something that annoys the fuck out of me is that I never get to have sex in my dreams. Anytime I get to hot and bothered in my dreams, I'll wake up as if my mind is pushing me out for being to naughty. When I come out of those, I feel like I always wake up really easy, that just makes me infinitely more frustrated because I can't fall asleep back into that dream. And 99% of the time, I absolutely hate it and it just want me to bang stuff harder. But last night, I found that 1% for the first time. The other person in my dream was my 6th grade teacher who was trying to seduce me. And if you don't know my 6th grade teacher, which you better not since this is an anonymous blog, she is a mix of the Mother/Witch character from Tangled and a boot camp instructor. If you do know my 6th grade teacher, get out of here stalker.
BLARG
Friday, September 23, 2011
Body changes, Pt. 1
Note: Since this is a notice of changes over long periods of time, Parts 2 and 3 will probably come out when I am 40 and 60 respectably.
I've been noticing things. I don't really want to talk to long and why I don't want to be sitting at this computer for more than a few minuets should be obvious soon. I know little things that we once liked and did changes places with things we loath and ignore all the time. For as long as I can remember I've liked chocolate, in any form. This is very normal. However, I've had friends tell me that they very clearly remember me not like Hershey's. I do not remember this at all. I would almost buy it too because it sounds like some sort of anti-corporation thing kick that I was on that I've been known to do. I don't believe it because chocolate is chocolate is chocolate is chocolate is good.
I've been noticing things that I've haven't liked before that I currently like. I always remember as a little kid instantly hating all vegetable like things for almost the soul fact that they are vegetables. Eventually learned to enjoy(or at least tolerate) things like carrots, broccoli, asparagus, and corn. I still don't like Brussels sprouts and my mom tends to buy these 'steam in the microwave' corn carrots broccoli packs that are disturbing how disgusting they are, they are the only events in recent memory of someone telling me to eat my veggies and me flat out saying "No". All those are rather understandable for a small child to not like, however, I also remember not liking olives, mushrooms and onions. I remember looking back to the small child I once was and thinking "Was I fucking retarded? That shits delicious." Pizzas are much better now. Still not crazy about peppers.
Tonight, I had homemade fried chicken, nothing new, but this was made with Sriracha, better known as Red Rooster hot sauce that hails from Vietnam. Now, there wasn't enough of this stuff to provide much more of a small kick under the skin. But, I'm testing how the chicken tastes and notice the bottle of sriracha on the counter. I pour a dab just as a taste test. Taste good. Bigger dab, still taste good. One fried chicken thigh later, I felt like I got kicked in the mouth. But in a good loving way, just like my ex used to do. I never use to like hot sauce before, but now I do. Growing up is weird.
Fun fact, that was about four hours ago, and as of right now, my innards are doing this dance that feels like what I would imagine a person to react to someone being locked in a 6'by6' room for four hours having the ceiling and walls slowly leek lava. FUN.
I've been noticing things. I don't really want to talk to long and why I don't want to be sitting at this computer for more than a few minuets should be obvious soon. I know little things that we once liked and did changes places with things we loath and ignore all the time. For as long as I can remember I've liked chocolate, in any form. This is very normal. However, I've had friends tell me that they very clearly remember me not like Hershey's. I do not remember this at all. I would almost buy it too because it sounds like some sort of anti-corporation thing kick that I was on that I've been known to do. I don't believe it because chocolate is chocolate is chocolate is chocolate is good.
I've been noticing things that I've haven't liked before that I currently like. I always remember as a little kid instantly hating all vegetable like things for almost the soul fact that they are vegetables. Eventually learned to enjoy(or at least tolerate) things like carrots, broccoli, asparagus, and corn. I still don't like Brussels sprouts and my mom tends to buy these 'steam in the microwave' corn carrots broccoli packs that are disturbing how disgusting they are, they are the only events in recent memory of someone telling me to eat my veggies and me flat out saying "No". All those are rather understandable for a small child to not like, however, I also remember not liking olives, mushrooms and onions. I remember looking back to the small child I once was and thinking "Was I fucking retarded? That shits delicious." Pizzas are much better now. Still not crazy about peppers.
Tonight, I had homemade fried chicken, nothing new, but this was made with Sriracha, better known as Red Rooster hot sauce that hails from Vietnam. Now, there wasn't enough of this stuff to provide much more of a small kick under the skin. But, I'm testing how the chicken tastes and notice the bottle of sriracha on the counter. I pour a dab just as a taste test. Taste good. Bigger dab, still taste good. One fried chicken thigh later, I felt like I got kicked in the mouth. But in a good loving way, just like my ex used to do. I never use to like hot sauce before, but now I do. Growing up is weird.
Fun fact, that was about four hours ago, and as of right now, my innards are doing this dance that feels like what I would imagine a person to react to someone being locked in a 6'by6' room for four hours having the ceiling and walls slowly leek lava. FUN.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Frieng Scientist Discovers Immortality - 9/7/2054
Editor's note: I am not a time traveler and this is not actually news from the future. This was an assignment that my English teacher made a few years ago. The overall project was "Your Entire Life" and the excerpt I'm about to share is supposes to be the newspaper clipping of our death. I thought I would be original and talk about how I discovered immortality because, well, that's my plan. After talking to the teacher, this idea got turned down. I went with something like I died freak-crazy-awesome fireworks accident and left behind "Four wives, seventeen children, thirty grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, one great-great-granddaughter, and a pack of wolves." After finding my original draft, I realized that that was probably a good thing that my idea got turned down.
CALIFORNIA, USA - Yesterday, Wylv of SBL.Inc, made a statement declaring that he had figured out the gene that makes people age and how to turn it off. This gene theapary may be placed in expecting women's children and may be introduced into living adults through various procedures.
Wylv has been working on the gene responsible for aging for over twenty years, he explains "About seven years ago, we did identify the gene and a way for putting the fix into zygotes. But we still needed a way to transfer the fix into living adults, and we needed to find out if there were any side effects to the thepary. Fifteen women voulnteered to have their babies become part of the experiment."
Wylv explains how he came to the conclusion that he fixed aging "After the babies were born, 8 girls and 7 boys, we preformed biopsies of various tissues, then subgugated thoes tissues to a number of tests that that would simulate 50 years of growth, splitting into new cells, followed by growth. In the normal human, a strand of DNA degrades each time it splits, only a little bit, but after about fourty to fifty times, it becomes noticable. The DNA and tissues of these test subjects however did not decay at all, leading to the assumsion that after these children were fully grown, they were never age."
Then Wylv explains how he found the method in which adults can fight aging from this therapey. "After doing a series of completly ligimate experiments with the young girls, I realized that the genes can be passed from one person to another through the use of the one place in the body where more partial copies of genes can be made than any other, the genitalia. Each little girl can carry one 'dose' of the thepary inside of her that is passible to a man. Any attempt to get a dose from a used girl would be futitle. Each dose can make a man look five years younger."
Wylv explains this when, even that he is over 60 years old, he looks about 20. "I found out that I can also pass doses to my wife through oral ingestion of my seminal fluids for about four days after each dose I take. When taken this way, the doeses are themselves less potent, but there can be multiple doeses taken. Fasting seems increase the effictiveness of this."
Wylv explains that little boys can also be effecive in transfuring the gene thepary. "My coulgies have studied on the male subjects and found that the rectums can be just as effective as female genetalia. They even get the bonus of being able to transfur it to others through their semen for about four days afterwards."
When asked what he will do now that he will most likely never die, Wylv replied "I'm going to fuck tight virgin pussy till the end of time."
CALIFORNIA, USA - Yesterday, Wylv of SBL.Inc, made a statement declaring that he had figured out the gene that makes people age and how to turn it off. This gene theapary may be placed in expecting women's children and may be introduced into living adults through various procedures.
Wylv has been working on the gene responsible for aging for over twenty years, he explains "About seven years ago, we did identify the gene and a way for putting the fix into zygotes. But we still needed a way to transfer the fix into living adults, and we needed to find out if there were any side effects to the thepary. Fifteen women voulnteered to have their babies become part of the experiment."
Wylv explains how he came to the conclusion that he fixed aging "After the babies were born, 8 girls and 7 boys, we preformed biopsies of various tissues, then subgugated thoes tissues to a number of tests that that would simulate 50 years of growth, splitting into new cells, followed by growth. In the normal human, a strand of DNA degrades each time it splits, only a little bit, but after about fourty to fifty times, it becomes noticable. The DNA and tissues of these test subjects however did not decay at all, leading to the assumsion that after these children were fully grown, they were never age."
Then Wylv explains how he found the method in which adults can fight aging from this therapey. "After doing a series of completly ligimate experiments with the young girls, I realized that the genes can be passed from one person to another through the use of the one place in the body where more partial copies of genes can be made than any other, the genitalia. Each little girl can carry one 'dose' of the thepary inside of her that is passible to a man. Any attempt to get a dose from a used girl would be futitle. Each dose can make a man look five years younger."
Wylv explains this when, even that he is over 60 years old, he looks about 20. "I found out that I can also pass doses to my wife through oral ingestion of my seminal fluids for about four days after each dose I take. When taken this way, the doeses are themselves less potent, but there can be multiple doeses taken. Fasting seems increase the effictiveness of this."
Wylv explains that little boys can also be effecive in transfuring the gene thepary. "My coulgies have studied on the male subjects and found that the rectums can be just as effective as female genetalia. They even get the bonus of being able to transfur it to others through their semen for about four days afterwards."
When asked what he will do now that he will most likely never die, Wylv replied "I'm going to fuck tight virgin pussy till the end of time."
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
This is an exercise in will power.
I want to change myself. I know that there are things about me that I need to fix, I need to correct. I want to be a better person. I want to be a productive member of society. I want to earn my own way in the world and I want to live independent of others.
However, there are problems with this. Notable, the job market is made of shit sandwiches that have frosting provided by oil executives. But politics is not my problem. In fact, I'm petty sure I don't believe in democracy anymore, but that's another issue. As I said, my focus should not be on politics. My focus in life needs to be getting and keeping a job. Right now I almost have a job. I almost have an income. I would have all of those things if I had a boss. However, I have my cousin, who I'm pretty sure has ADD or ADHD or whatever they call it because he tends to not be able to focus worth shit. It probably has to do with the fact that he smokes a lot of pot. He also grows a lot of pot. That's kind of my job right now. Pot farmer. More official title would be farm hand. Would work because theres about thirty chickens that I help take care of everyday and I'm helping make a vegetable garden. I'm also making 12 bucks an hour to shovel around ten foot mounds of dirt for fututre pot plants. Point is that this isn't something that I can right down as a transfurable job skill to well. I need actual job experience that I can get actual jobs with.
Side note. I don't smoke pot. Or drink. Or do any amount of drugs that I've had plenty of contact with. I've never really seen the appeal in it. Although I am consideing taking up smoking just because.
I don't really know why I'm writing most of this. I want to say I can change. I want to get up on some high place and shout to the world, "See me now, remember me and remember my flaws. For next month, I shall come back to this place on high and thoes flaws will be here no more. By next months time, I shall have a steady income, and a place to call my own even if I'm just renting it. I'll have a steady relationship, and I'll surround myself with friends. I'll be won't be a recluse and I'll be happy and somewhat normal. Just you see."
But then I'm afraid I'll come back next month and what will be there is the same lonely, jobless boy that was once prowd. If I ever go back at all.
I'll see you in July.
However, there are problems with this. Notable, the job market is made of shit sandwiches that have frosting provided by oil executives. But politics is not my problem. In fact, I'm petty sure I don't believe in democracy anymore, but that's another issue. As I said, my focus should not be on politics. My focus in life needs to be getting and keeping a job. Right now I almost have a job. I almost have an income. I would have all of those things if I had a boss. However, I have my cousin, who I'm pretty sure has ADD or ADHD or whatever they call it because he tends to not be able to focus worth shit. It probably has to do with the fact that he smokes a lot of pot. He also grows a lot of pot. That's kind of my job right now. Pot farmer. More official title would be farm hand. Would work because theres about thirty chickens that I help take care of everyday and I'm helping make a vegetable garden. I'm also making 12 bucks an hour to shovel around ten foot mounds of dirt for fututre pot plants. Point is that this isn't something that I can right down as a transfurable job skill to well. I need actual job experience that I can get actual jobs with.
Side note. I don't smoke pot. Or drink. Or do any amount of drugs that I've had plenty of contact with. I've never really seen the appeal in it. Although I am consideing taking up smoking just because.
I don't really know why I'm writing most of this. I want to say I can change. I want to get up on some high place and shout to the world, "See me now, remember me and remember my flaws. For next month, I shall come back to this place on high and thoes flaws will be here no more. By next months time, I shall have a steady income, and a place to call my own even if I'm just renting it. I'll have a steady relationship, and I'll surround myself with friends. I'll be won't be a recluse and I'll be happy and somewhat normal. Just you see."
But then I'm afraid I'll come back next month and what will be there is the same lonely, jobless boy that was once prowd. If I ever go back at all.
I'll see you in July.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Fucking Homicidal Maniacs
My body aches, there's a bruise on my chest and I wouldn't be surprise if I can't get hard for a week.
I've been reluctant to blog anything because my feeling have been really flipping around between hating the situation, to finding all the good parts about it. I fucked up. I've been told that there's other reasons for this break-up, but it got a kick start that way. I'm kinda ok with all that right now. Actually not really, I just don't want to write all that down right now.
But anyways, back to about two nights ago. My IM program came up with the text "I had a dream about you." At first I was confused as fuck because I thought it was a friend of mine named Alex and he doens't seem like the type to talk about his dreams. T finally IM'd me after a month and a half of no contact. Told me how much better his life was doing since he was able to focus on himself instead of a relationship. Which didn't really make me feel to good. We talked about our lives and how their doing. He offly mentioned that someone new was popping up. As in, new personalities coming in and trying to do what needs to be done. Of course, being the moldable little things that upcoming personalities are, this one took the name Johnny. Shortened to Nny. I'm not going to comment on that. But anyways, he's someone who's a little bit violent, and doesn't smoke, so he should be good for the system. At first he wasn't really into the sex thing, but a bit of personal time later, it turns out he's the systems new outlet for sexual energy. I can tell I'm going to like him.
So fast forward to about 6 P.M. yesterday, Johnny comes up in T's van and picks me up. We go to a local abandoned lake, or at least abandoned at this time of year. Johnny explains a bit more about himself, how he feels in this body, that he feels like a robot programed with functions to do or not do certain things, how he can see through the very much fakeness of his existence, unlike the other alters where they tried with all their might to have their own individuality. And how that in turn caused problems when they did things they wern't built for and tried to stay longer and that he's not to likely to do that.
In our conversation the night before, he mentioned how one of the things he is probably around for is "Carnal desires" A.k.a. Sexual needs. But in person, he was rather shy about anything to do with sex and the like. Kept saying things like that he wasn't capable of it. I just put my moves on him and he warmed right up. Also figured out that fun dip can be more fun with someone you like and without the powder. Could probably have fun with the powder, but we were having fun with just the stick. So a bit of makeouts later, we go back to my place and fuck for about two hours. One of the things he firsts finds out is that sex is fun. Really fucking fun. This is why my body hurts in various places right now. Then about an hour of snuggling mixed with looking at some funny pictures.
It was a neat little turn-around to watch. Someone going "Nah," to "BONING THINGS IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!" But there was another little turn around with his personality. At first he thought he wasn't going to stay around long. He didn't really see a reason that he should be here, or even exist. But there he was snuggling me under my arm saying, "I think I get those guys now, why they stayed around. They liked it here. I like it here."
I've been reluctant to blog anything because my feeling have been really flipping around between hating the situation, to finding all the good parts about it. I fucked up. I've been told that there's other reasons for this break-up, but it got a kick start that way. I'm kinda ok with all that right now. Actually not really, I just don't want to write all that down right now.
But anyways, back to about two nights ago. My IM program came up with the text "I had a dream about you." At first I was confused as fuck because I thought it was a friend of mine named Alex and he doens't seem like the type to talk about his dreams. T finally IM'd me after a month and a half of no contact. Told me how much better his life was doing since he was able to focus on himself instead of a relationship. Which didn't really make me feel to good. We talked about our lives and how their doing. He offly mentioned that someone new was popping up. As in, new personalities coming in and trying to do what needs to be done. Of course, being the moldable little things that upcoming personalities are, this one took the name Johnny. Shortened to Nny. I'm not going to comment on that. But anyways, he's someone who's a little bit violent, and doesn't smoke, so he should be good for the system. At first he wasn't really into the sex thing, but a bit of personal time later, it turns out he's the systems new outlet for sexual energy. I can tell I'm going to like him.
So fast forward to about 6 P.M. yesterday, Johnny comes up in T's van and picks me up. We go to a local abandoned lake, or at least abandoned at this time of year. Johnny explains a bit more about himself, how he feels in this body, that he feels like a robot programed with functions to do or not do certain things, how he can see through the very much fakeness of his existence, unlike the other alters where they tried with all their might to have their own individuality. And how that in turn caused problems when they did things they wern't built for and tried to stay longer and that he's not to likely to do that.
In our conversation the night before, he mentioned how one of the things he is probably around for is "Carnal desires" A.k.a. Sexual needs. But in person, he was rather shy about anything to do with sex and the like. Kept saying things like that he wasn't capable of it. I just put my moves on him and he warmed right up. Also figured out that fun dip can be more fun with someone you like and without the powder. Could probably have fun with the powder, but we were having fun with just the stick. So a bit of makeouts later, we go back to my place and fuck for about two hours. One of the things he firsts finds out is that sex is fun. Really fucking fun. This is why my body hurts in various places right now. Then about an hour of snuggling mixed with looking at some funny pictures.
It was a neat little turn-around to watch. Someone going "Nah," to "BONING THINGS IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!" But there was another little turn around with his personality. At first he thought he wasn't going to stay around long. He didn't really see a reason that he should be here, or even exist. But there he was snuggling me under my arm saying, "I think I get those guys now, why they stayed around. They liked it here. I like it here."
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Emergency Blog post: Vicious Camel Cycles
Ever feel stuck in a rut? Ever feel like you're doing this one situation over and over again even though its' totally preventable? Ever feel like you're just drifting in life? My life could be better right now.
I do this a lot and a fuck ton more than I should. One of the more easy ways to show this is that I procrastinate a lot. Putting things off constantly till the last second, and at that last second typically make one of two choices, either that it's too tough to finish in such a short time, or that I might be able to get it done and I have nothing better to do so I might as well do a hail mary. I don't watch football that often, I'm not sure if I'm using that term correctly. It's not really to procrastination part I'm talking about here though, it's the part where I keep doing it. It's the part of me that says, "Yea man, you still have time if you don't start right now. You totally have time to go through that MTG forum again."
Similarly, I need a job. While I have a simi-loving mother, I don't need a job too badly, I really ought to get one to be called a somewhat productive member of society. And there are a lot of days where I'm like "Yea! Jobs! Woooo! I'm totally going to go online soon and go find a job." Then I go home, warm up my laptop and directly procede to playing Captain Forever. Typically job searching sites tend to be a little less exciting that say, blowing up ships in outer space and looting their parts.
Then their's the part I really need to fix, the part that I really should fix, the part that I actually want to fix in myself compared to the first two. Not letting my dick get ahead of myself. As I might have said before, I do have myself a loving, cute, cuntboy-boyfriend. Cuntboyfriend? Doesn't have a good ring to it. But anyways, lately, his sex drive has been mostly defined as highs and lows between "You know what, I don't even want to bother with that aera down there," to "I'm going to get this nice hard rod attached to my crotch somehow, and you're going to bend over," to "I'm a decent city boy that stuck in the middle of nowhere, but while I'm here, I wanna have some fun." I could probably put most days on a chart that ranged from horny to libarian on the X axis and Male to sub on the Y axis. And there tends to be this cycle of days where for a week or two or three or a month or two or three, where most days tend to fall under one catagory. Months that tend to look like, "You're not going near my crotch unless it's to suck my dick," sometimes follow months that look like, "Good morning, I'm going to ride your dick."
And for the most part I can sense and try to follow these general feelings about his crotch. During the months where nothing is going on, I try to not bring anything up, and the months were something might happen, I typically bring something up. But then there's that inbetween time of where one month slowly turns into another. Where I think that nothing is going to happen and then the next morning he's there lying next to my messing with my dick. I always kind of feel like a deer in the headlight then. Except for a deer, I'm just me on the side of the road, and instead of headlight, it's just a car with the word "SEX!!!" written on it. I'm trying to figure out what that is and when I do, it's already way down the road and my boyfriend is asleep next to me. It makes sense if you're tired as fuck.
But then there's the other week, where month of sexy time slowly changes into month of "Let's do me a favor and pretend my crotch doesn't exist time." Time of where I think it's ok to do something, and it's not. I really think I've gotten better at this, but I do need some work. And it doesn't really help that sometimes I'm already horny as fuck before my somewhat logical part of gray matter says, "don't do that"(I like putting summaries of pages long situations into quotes, don't ask why). I should know that snuggling in the morning sometimes is just trying to snuggle, and that bending over does not give me free reign to hump. And after so many years, you'd think I'd learn that just because there isn't a "no", it doesn't mean "yes". And just like trying to find a job or trying to get an english paper done, I keep telling myself that I'm not going to let that happen, but I could tell you that my morning could have gone better.
*explanation of title* First, look at the time this got posted. Seven o'clock in the morning on a fucking Saturday, you know that's some fucked up shit. Vicious Cycles, it keeps happening, even thought it's not very nice. Camel, I was going to talk about how I try to be like a camel about sex, where I get all I need in a short little time while it's avaible, so I can survive the time where it's not. And that telling my body, "ok, time to stop drinking, time to not drink" can be sometimes difficult. Didn't really fit that in there. That and smoking is bad, m'kay kids.
I do this a lot and a fuck ton more than I should. One of the more easy ways to show this is that I procrastinate a lot. Putting things off constantly till the last second, and at that last second typically make one of two choices, either that it's too tough to finish in such a short time, or that I might be able to get it done and I have nothing better to do so I might as well do a hail mary. I don't watch football that often, I'm not sure if I'm using that term correctly. It's not really to procrastination part I'm talking about here though, it's the part where I keep doing it. It's the part of me that says, "Yea man, you still have time if you don't start right now. You totally have time to go through that MTG forum again."
Similarly, I need a job. While I have a simi-loving mother, I don't need a job too badly, I really ought to get one to be called a somewhat productive member of society. And there are a lot of days where I'm like "Yea! Jobs! Woooo! I'm totally going to go online soon and go find a job." Then I go home, warm up my laptop and directly procede to playing Captain Forever. Typically job searching sites tend to be a little less exciting that say, blowing up ships in outer space and looting their parts.
Then their's the part I really need to fix, the part that I really should fix, the part that I actually want to fix in myself compared to the first two. Not letting my dick get ahead of myself. As I might have said before, I do have myself a loving, cute, cuntboy-boyfriend. Cuntboyfriend? Doesn't have a good ring to it. But anyways, lately, his sex drive has been mostly defined as highs and lows between "You know what, I don't even want to bother with that aera down there," to "I'm going to get this nice hard rod attached to my crotch somehow, and you're going to bend over," to "I'm a decent city boy that stuck in the middle of nowhere, but while I'm here, I wanna have some fun." I could probably put most days on a chart that ranged from horny to libarian on the X axis and Male to sub on the Y axis. And there tends to be this cycle of days where for a week or two or three or a month or two or three, where most days tend to fall under one catagory. Months that tend to look like, "You're not going near my crotch unless it's to suck my dick," sometimes follow months that look like, "Good morning, I'm going to ride your dick."
And for the most part I can sense and try to follow these general feelings about his crotch. During the months where nothing is going on, I try to not bring anything up, and the months were something might happen, I typically bring something up. But then there's that inbetween time of where one month slowly turns into another. Where I think that nothing is going to happen and then the next morning he's there lying next to my messing with my dick. I always kind of feel like a deer in the headlight then. Except for a deer, I'm just me on the side of the road, and instead of headlight, it's just a car with the word "SEX!!!" written on it. I'm trying to figure out what that is and when I do, it's already way down the road and my boyfriend is asleep next to me. It makes sense if you're tired as fuck.
But then there's the other week, where month of sexy time slowly changes into month of "Let's do me a favor and pretend my crotch doesn't exist time." Time of where I think it's ok to do something, and it's not. I really think I've gotten better at this, but I do need some work. And it doesn't really help that sometimes I'm already horny as fuck before my somewhat logical part of gray matter says, "don't do that"(I like putting summaries of pages long situations into quotes, don't ask why). I should know that snuggling in the morning sometimes is just trying to snuggle, and that bending over does not give me free reign to hump. And after so many years, you'd think I'd learn that just because there isn't a "no", it doesn't mean "yes". And just like trying to find a job or trying to get an english paper done, I keep telling myself that I'm not going to let that happen, but I could tell you that my morning could have gone better.
*explanation of title* First, look at the time this got posted. Seven o'clock in the morning on a fucking Saturday, you know that's some fucked up shit. Vicious Cycles, it keeps happening, even thought it's not very nice. Camel, I was going to talk about how I try to be like a camel about sex, where I get all I need in a short little time while it's avaible, so I can survive the time where it's not. And that telling my body, "ok, time to stop drinking, time to not drink" can be sometimes difficult. Didn't really fit that in there. That and smoking is bad, m'kay kids.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Intresting weekend
Went to my bf's house. Everyone got a little drunk, even me which is weird. Played minecraft badly, got (as my BF put's it) "fresh" with everyone, held my boyfriends head as he puked. Had an hour long sex session. Got a little wound on my dick from fucking so long. Slept till noon, didn't really do anything more meaningful than a couple games of magic. Slept, woke up around 7-8 to comfort my bf who poked his eye. About three, we went to a prompt care and found out he scratched his cornea. Ouch. More comfort, including fucking, then home.
I want to expand a little bit. Especially the bit where everyone was drunk. Me and my bf are his room. He says he's not really feeling well. He says he's not really feeling alone in his head. If you don't remember, this was the guy with multiple personalitites. So not "feeling alone" is code for "I think one of the personalities that hasn't been around in like a year is about two feet away from raping your ass." About an hour or two later that pretty much happened. Was worried about it smelling like shit, which it did. So I went to take a shower, he used the same bathroom to puke. Watching him puke was one of the moments I could definatly say I wanted to be as far away from my boyfriend as possible.
Then we went back to his room and he cried. For the first twenty minuets, he cried because a year ago, he passed up a blowjob by some guy drunk enough that he wouldn't care what junk he was sucking. And yea, I would probably be bummed that I passed up a blowjob from a cute guy and/or girl, but the way he cried about it was just, and yes it was probably increased tenfold with the booze, and I really do hate using this word describing someone I care about so much, but the best to describe his reaction is pathatic.
Seeing anyone cry for half an hour doesn't really help a positive image about that person in your mind. That reasoning doesn't warrant that responce in my mind. But what he cried about next was more receptive of crying. He asked me weather or not I would be happy if Jack and Lex and the gang came back. I said I'd be ok with it. He cried that no one was ever happy about them, he wanted someone to be happy about them. The only responce I'd ever given is that I'd be ok with them.
Honestly, I'd be happy to see them, estacatic to hang out with them again after so long. Jack being this rude crude passionate fellow with almost no restrictions. And Lex, the man that strives for infinate chivalry, but in all the times I've seen him, he's infinatly failed making him infinatly awkward and cute. I would love to see thoes guys again, but then again something comes along with them. Instability. It's not really their fault, but I know that passing out becomes more common, memory of whole days doesn't always go into the record books, bouts of crying come out without any reasoning. I like them, I also like having a stable boyfriend, or at least somewhat stable. Which I might not have anyways, after crying about this, right before passing out on the bed. In fact I think he feinted and someone else caught the body before it fell. Someone was in there, looked me in the eye and said with a voice that isn't my boyfriends, "How do feel knowing you are one of the hundreds that's been lied to in the past seven months?" I think I've thought about that one sentence more than anything else this weekend.
...
Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says OOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOO...
The second whale says "Frank, you're fucking drunk."
I want to expand a little bit. Especially the bit where everyone was drunk. Me and my bf are his room. He says he's not really feeling well. He says he's not really feeling alone in his head. If you don't remember, this was the guy with multiple personalitites. So not "feeling alone" is code for "I think one of the personalities that hasn't been around in like a year is about two feet away from raping your ass." About an hour or two later that pretty much happened. Was worried about it smelling like shit, which it did. So I went to take a shower, he used the same bathroom to puke. Watching him puke was one of the moments I could definatly say I wanted to be as far away from my boyfriend as possible.
Then we went back to his room and he cried. For the first twenty minuets, he cried because a year ago, he passed up a blowjob by some guy drunk enough that he wouldn't care what junk he was sucking. And yea, I would probably be bummed that I passed up a blowjob from a cute guy and/or girl, but the way he cried about it was just, and yes it was probably increased tenfold with the booze, and I really do hate using this word describing someone I care about so much, but the best to describe his reaction is pathatic.
Seeing anyone cry for half an hour doesn't really help a positive image about that person in your mind. That reasoning doesn't warrant that responce in my mind. But what he cried about next was more receptive of crying. He asked me weather or not I would be happy if Jack and Lex and the gang came back. I said I'd be ok with it. He cried that no one was ever happy about them, he wanted someone to be happy about them. The only responce I'd ever given is that I'd be ok with them.
Honestly, I'd be happy to see them, estacatic to hang out with them again after so long. Jack being this rude crude passionate fellow with almost no restrictions. And Lex, the man that strives for infinate chivalry, but in all the times I've seen him, he's infinatly failed making him infinatly awkward and cute. I would love to see thoes guys again, but then again something comes along with them. Instability. It's not really their fault, but I know that passing out becomes more common, memory of whole days doesn't always go into the record books, bouts of crying come out without any reasoning. I like them, I also like having a stable boyfriend, or at least somewhat stable. Which I might not have anyways, after crying about this, right before passing out on the bed. In fact I think he feinted and someone else caught the body before it fell. Someone was in there, looked me in the eye and said with a voice that isn't my boyfriends, "How do feel knowing you are one of the hundreds that's been lied to in the past seven months?" I think I've thought about that one sentence more than anything else this weekend.
...
Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says OOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOO...
The second whale says "Frank, you're fucking drunk."
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I'm not dead.
I'm proud of that, mostly because I've used that site twelve times and that's the first time I've got an author back that I've heard of before.
Where have I been? That's a good question that I need to ask myself. My ex has turned into my boyfriend, I'm going on two semesters of college, and I have a new obsession.
My love life? For the past couple of months, it's been pretty good. We romance each other with Taco Bell. Spend hours snuggling. And we have a mix between sweet and sensual lovemaking sessions to bondage and half-rape fuckfests.
My college days are filled with phasing out then trying to remember what the teacher said. And Ultimate Frisbee. There's actually a really cute guy in my Bio and PE class that I'm pretty sure is gay, and I'm trying to make good friends with him. If he's not gay, I have no idea why he has a light blond dye job that he typically makes into a faux-hawk and has one of the bigger pair of rhinestone encrusted sunglasses I've seen. He's really cute.
One of my new hobbies is a game called Magic: the Gathering, I think I've talked about it on here before. But I've met a couple of new people at college that are really fucking into the game, so I got a lot more into it than I was. So now every tuesday I go to a party where we cube, or play with the best 500 cards out of the 10,000 that's ever been printed. It's some of the most fun I've had outside of bed.
That's life. Might blog here more, don't know.
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