Frieng Scientist Discovers Immortality - 9/7/2054

Editor's note: I am not a time traveler and this is not actually news from the future. This was an assignment that my English teacher made a few years ago. The overall project was "Your Entire Life" and the excerpt I'm about to share is supposes to be the newspaper clipping of our death. I thought I would be original and talk about how I discovered immortality because, well, that's my plan. After talking to the teacher, this idea got turned down. I went with something like I died freak-crazy-awesome fireworks accident and left behind "Four wives, seventeen children, thirty grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, one great-great-granddaughter, and a pack of wolves." After finding my original draft, I realized that that was probably a good thing that my idea got turned down.

CALIFORNIA, USA - Yesterday, Wylv of SBL.Inc, made a statement declaring that he had figured out the gene that makes people age and how to turn it off. This gene theapary may be placed in expecting women's children and may be introduced into living adults through various procedures.

Wylv has been working on the gene responsible for aging for over twenty years, he explains "About seven years ago, we did identify the gene and a way for putting the fix into zygotes. But we still needed a way to transfer the fix into living adults, and we needed to find out if there were any side effects to the thepary. Fifteen women voulnteered to have their babies become part of the experiment."

Wylv explains how he came to the conclusion that he fixed aging "After the babies were born, 8 girls and 7 boys, we preformed biopsies of various tissues, then subgugated thoes tissues to a number of tests that that would simulate 50 years of growth, splitting into new cells, followed by growth. In the normal human, a strand of DNA degrades each time it splits, only a little bit, but after about fourty to fifty times, it becomes noticable. The DNA and tissues of these test subjects however did not decay at all, leading to the assumsion that after these children were fully grown, they were never age."

Then Wylv explains how he found the method in which adults can fight aging from this therapey. "After doing a series of completly ligimate experiments with the young girls, I realized that the genes can be passed from one person to another through the use of the one place in the body where more partial copies of genes can be made than any other, the genitalia. Each little girl can carry one 'dose' of the thepary inside of her that is passible to a man. Any attempt to get a dose from a used girl would be futitle. Each dose can make a man look five years younger."

Wylv explains this when, even that he is over 60 years old, he looks about 20. "I found out that I can also pass doses to my wife through oral ingestion of my seminal fluids for about four days after each dose I take. When taken this way, the doeses are themselves less potent, but there can be multiple doeses taken. Fasting seems increase the effictiveness of this."

Wylv explains that little boys can also be effecive in transfuring the gene thepary. "My coulgies have studied on the male subjects and found that the rectums can be just as effective as female genetalia. They even get the bonus of being able to transfur it to others through their semen for about four days afterwards."

When asked what he will do now that he will most likely never die, Wylv replied "I'm going to fuck tight virgin pussy till the end of time."