Emergency Blog post: Vicious Camel Cycles

Ever feel stuck in a rut? Ever feel like you're doing this one situation over and over again even though its' totally preventable? Ever feel like you're just drifting in life? My life could be better right now.

I do this a lot and a fuck ton more than I should. One of the more easy ways to show this is that I procrastinate a lot. Putting things off constantly till the last second, and at that last second typically make one of two choices, either that it's too tough to finish in such a short time, or that I might be able to get it done and I have nothing better to do so I might as well do a hail mary. I don't watch football that often, I'm not sure if I'm using that term correctly. It's not really to procrastination part I'm talking about here though, it's the part where I keep doing it. It's the part of me that says, "Yea man, you still have time if you don't start right now. You totally have time to go through that MTG forum again."

Similarly, I need a job. While I have a simi-loving mother, I don't need a job too badly, I really ought to get one to be called a somewhat productive member of society. And there are a lot of days where I'm like "Yea! Jobs! Woooo! I'm totally going to go online soon and go find a job." Then I go home, warm up my laptop and directly procede to playing Captain Forever. Typically job searching sites tend to be a little less exciting that say, blowing up ships in outer space and looting their parts.

Then their's the part I really need to fix, the part that I really should fix, the part that I actually want to fix in myself compared to the first two. Not letting my dick get ahead of myself. As I might have said before, I do have myself a loving, cute, cuntboy-boyfriend. Cuntboyfriend? Doesn't have a good ring to it. But anyways, lately, his sex drive has been mostly defined as highs and lows between "You know what, I don't even want to bother with that aera down there," to "I'm going to get this nice hard rod attached to my crotch somehow, and you're going to bend over," to "I'm a decent city boy that stuck in the middle of nowhere, but while I'm here, I wanna have some fun." I could probably put most days on a chart that ranged from horny to libarian on the X axis and Male to sub on the Y axis. And there tends to be this cycle of days where for a week or two or three or a month or two or three, where most days tend to fall under one catagory. Months that tend to look like, "You're not going near my crotch unless it's to suck my dick," sometimes follow months that look like, "Good morning, I'm going to ride your dick."

And for the most part I can sense and try to follow these general feelings about his crotch. During the months where nothing is going on, I try to not bring anything up, and the months were something might happen, I typically bring something up. But then there's that inbetween time of where one month slowly turns into another. Where I think that nothing is going to happen and then the next morning he's there lying next to my messing with my dick. I always kind of feel like a deer in the headlight then. Except for a deer, I'm just me on the side of the road, and instead of headlight, it's just a car with the word "SEX!!!" written on it. I'm trying to figure out what that is and when I do, it's already way down the road and my boyfriend is asleep next to me. It makes sense if you're tired as fuck.

But then there's the other week, where month of sexy time slowly changes into month of "Let's do me a favor and pretend my crotch doesn't exist time." Time of where I think it's ok to do something, and it's not. I really think I've gotten better at this, but I do need some work. And it doesn't really help that sometimes I'm already horny as fuck before my somewhat logical part of gray matter says, "don't do that"(I like putting summaries of pages long situations into quotes, don't ask why). I should know that snuggling in the morning sometimes is just trying to snuggle, and that bending over does not give me free reign to hump. And after so many years, you'd think I'd learn that just because there isn't a "no", it doesn't mean "yes". And just like trying to find a job or trying to get an english paper done, I keep telling myself that I'm not going to let that happen, but I could tell you that my morning could have gone better.

*explanation of title* First, look at the time this got posted. Seven o'clock in the morning on a fucking Saturday, you know that's some fucked up shit. Vicious Cycles, it keeps happening, even thought it's not very nice. Camel, I was going to talk about how I try to be like a camel about sex, where I get all I need in a short little time while it's avaible, so I can survive the time where it's not. And that telling my body, "ok, time to stop drinking, time to not drink" can be sometimes difficult. Didn't really fit that in there. That and smoking is bad, m'kay kids.