Fin

I just finished nanowrimo. And when I say finish, I mean all 50,000 words finished.

But I don't know if it was really worth it. In my mind, I had this awesome story, quick fight scenes, and sexy girls. But on paper, it is nothing near what I had in my mind. The very act of trying to transfer it from my brain to a word document made it watered down to a point that I don't know weather or not that it is the same thing. I know that at this point that I am not a very good writer, and that I need to practice just like my guitar and my drawings and my not having my knees give out when I try to pick up a girl. All things that could be worked on and improved rather than play Zelda on a computer emulation of a Nintendo 64.

There is a lot better things I could be doing with my life and I want to change that.


On another note. I recently came out to my girl/boyfriend that I am not really digging the transition as much as she thought. Even now I want to call "Tommy" a girl. She is turning into a guy and some of the stuff that she talks about with such great love, like growing a mustache or chopping off her hair, just frighten me. I know that she is changing from once she once was and that it scares me that she might turn into something that I have trouble loving. I want her to stay the way they are because I like i that way.

As much as the though of her transition scares me, I realized that the thought of me being without her is much more scary.

Clean Streak

Ding dong.

"Oh hello, you must be the cleaner." The little old lady opened the door slowly, looking at the strange man in his dark jumpsuit.

"Hello mam, you called about the mess?" says the cleaner, he tips his cap to the old broad.

"Why yes, its just down the stairs." She motions he to come in and starts to go towards the basement. "Normally I keep this place so clean, but lately I just don't know what happened."

"Don't worry mam, we get a lot of cases like this." The cleaner starts off, "Can you tell me what happened when it started?"

"Why yes, one day I came home with this little electronic device that my grandson bought for me. It does all these neat little beeps and whistles, and it even tells you the time! But oh lordy me, I just didn't know what to do with it. So I just set it on the counter there. I guess I put something else on the counter right next to it and it just started to pile up and up." The old lady tries to sound as innocent as she can.

"That's perfectly normal, we can take all this stuff and put it right back where it belongs, ok?" The man takes the little old lady down the stairs to clean that huge pile of crap.


This is kind of the scene that was playing out through my head when I was cleaning my room. I had to clean my room because my parents were kicked out of their place. I had to go through all the old stuff I had and decide what of it was good. What of it was crap. And what of it I could donate to some needy charity. Lots of old memories flying by. Lots of old memories flying into the trash too. Life sucks.

A response to yesterdays post.

FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!

K and T didn't do anything!!!!
I don't have to feel like a douch!!!!
Until next time they start hanging out again!!
fuck...

But nothing happened now!!!!

Woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Nano and Moral

Fuckity fuck bitch cunt niggers.

I just found out why NaNoWriMo is an awesomely bad idea. Four days in and I can't get past 2,500 words. I just don't really know what to write. I tried to practice writing 1666 words a day and I did it quite well, I know the problem now, I just came up with one little senctence and ran with it till the end of the story. When I try to follow something, it feels to short, it feels to much like there should be more. Even if I can't figure out anything more to put in there.

Maybe I'm just not to good of a writer. I'll work on short stories first.

In other news, I'm having a major moral delimma. My girlfriend, I don't quite remember what I've called her here before but lets just say T. T has a friend named, for the purpose of I don't want anyone I know finding this shit, K. Now, K was the one I mentioned that was really annoying, and he's gay.

I kind of had a fling with him a few months back, one of thoes "Lets go camping, it will be away from anyone caring about us fucking." It was mostly for T and me. I did have a good time. And since there wasn't too much else to do, I hung out with K a lot. I eventually made a game called "Noes time, ass time." He's one of thoes people that are comfortable getting touched. So I touched his nose saying "Nose time!" then he would jump/fall back. We were on a inflatable mattress. Then since it was out there, I said "Ass time!" and grab his ass. Then he would jump up and sit up to protect his ass. "Nose time, ass time, nose time, ass time, lather, rinse, repeat." Eventually he got tired of jumping around and let me fondle his ass. It went from that to eventually me fucking him in the ass.

T got really pissed at this. She's been his friend for years and has always had a little bit of a crush on him. I come in and in a few hours I turn him into a fucking machine. I could almost instantly understand it as she not really being assertive enough. She thinks she's a nice guy. I'm the one that gets laid. I also had to explain this to her in such a way that didn't sound like "you suck".

Foward back to about three hours ago. I know they've been hanging out a lot together, I'm kinda cool with that. Mostly because I know he's gay and wouldn't really want to do something with a physical girl. Turns out I'm wrong. Today they are going to go out and shop for a strap on that K would be willing to take. He bottoms. I can't join because she wants to make head way with him before I get in the picture. Just like the tents, but backwards. And the problem is that I don't really want this to happen. We have an open relationship, I've been with several others. But this is the first time she has gone and found someone else and I don't like it. I should be going "Yea go ahead, you turn to go get some!" But I really don't want it to happen. Especially without me. I want to think I'm not selfish but just protective of my prize when I'm free to get more. But either way I'm either a selfish douch, or a sexist douch.

I hate when things bite you in the ass.

Daylight Savings Time

A time where the clocks get set back an hour for a couple months, why? Helps with electricity bills. Makes the day last later, nobody wants to wake up with the sun at 4:11 on July 22. 5:11, little more reasonable.

It just shows us how much we time take for granted that we would change twice a year for something as small as monetary reasons.

Angry not friend rant

Why am I the bad guy? Honestly, sorry about your precious gas. Sorry you had to come pick me up so I could leave you be. The truth is that I DO NOT hang out with people I do not like and your little friend there, the one with ADD and the superiority complex, I DO NOT like. I seriously do not understand why you hang out with him, he is annoying, loud, and never makes a lick of sence. More than that he promotes stupid internet videos that he thinks is cool. That's another one of my pet peeves. And you even agree with me that he is most of the time an annoying prick that is a total cocktease. And you still hang out with him.

That's one of the diffrences between us. You will put yourself in these situations that get you angry, get you pumped up with feelings that you got to bottle down. Then when we're alone, you let these feeling out in this stream of conciousness that I've heard a million times before. If you really like M and don't like her boyfriend that she hangs out with constantly, then don't hang out with M. It's as simple as that. If you do not like someone do not hang out with them. Sometimes the reward of their friendship and company is not worth the cost of dealing with that other person. If I were you, I would have dumped M a long time ago. You put up with people that you do need to for useless reasons and that's one of your weaker points.

You know B, that kid that I really hated and, thankfully, he moved away a year ago. He occationaly comes to some of the bigger parties and whenever I hear that he is coming to one, I seriously consider not going to that party. Whenever I do go to a party when he's there, I have to sourround myself with anyone else to protect myself from not punching him in the face.

So I'm sorry that I wasted your gas when you came and pick me up, only to go right back to my home, but I didn't think he would be with us. You are one of the most lovely and wonderful things in my life, but he's a douch. I am not the bad guy.

Now if you excuse me, I have to start my Nanowrimo and my first chaper is probably going to be pretty fucking angry.