Laptop Makeouts

I made out with my laptop today. Only a little bit, and kinda on accident.

For the past few days, I've been feeling down. I haven't quiet left my girlfriend yet, but she seems to know that we can't last either. Mostly because she wants more dominate sex than I would let her have. But we are going to go on a trip soon enough, and since there is already about 250 dollars going into it, it is beyond the "Cancel for any reason" stage.

Emotions are like trains, they never stop, or at least they don't stop to easy. I have been feeling all this extra love that is in my system, but I don't have anywhere to let it go. No one to snuggle, no one to kiss softly, no one to climb on top of and make scream like I am so use to doing. When this love doesn't get let out properly, it keeps inside and rots. It rots into hate for the world, it rots into self-loathing. Until you finally get tired of it and start to give yourself flesh wounds. I think I just need to lose some bodily fluid to keep sane. Weather it be cum, sweat, tears or blood.

Anyways, I was playing The Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, on an emulator I have for my computer. I was about halfway through a day when it popped up with an error and shut down on me. It has done this several times when I was playing Orcrania of Time, but this was the first time with Majora's Mask. Looking at the clock and seeing that it was about 2:49 am, I decided to call it a day. I shut down my computer and fold it shut. I lean my tired head against it for a while and start to speak to it softly. "I know that you're getting old, I know that you're not doing to well so much. I admit, I have been looking at other laptops and others things to replace you, but you'll always be my first, and I will always love you for that." I kiss it softly on its cover, it has such a soft cover, I kiss it again, I open my lips and kiss it a bit harder...

Then I slap myself awake a little bit. I mean I love my laptop yea, but not like that. That is almost exactly what I would say to my girlfriend if I wanted to break up with her. One part of my mind is going, "dude, break it off now, you'll be better off, you don't need her, you don't need this shit." and the other part is going "I WANT SNUGGLES!!!!". Silly as it is, that part generally makes more sence.

Guy crush

I have to wonder what the line is. Who you can date, who you can love. Heck, I'm not even to sure if guys are on my "O.K. to date" list.

I had a family get together this weekend. Everyone went up to a cabin my aunt rented and we had pizza, salad, and some huge muffins. Also this is the first time that Jason, my cousin, has been up in a while. I don't know why, but I almost fell in love. He tall and slighly works out and has long hair that he tied behind his back and he has this little gottee and mustach combo and he talks about all these awesome things and I think he said he was an aquatic body massauger and I have no idea what that is but its awesome and he had this jacket that had bellbottom arms that looked awesome and he had this fly pair of pants and I looked them up online and they were two hundred and twenty dollers so I don't think I'm going to get them anytime soon but they looked really awesome and I want his children, I just looked up what aquatic body massuage is and it is freaking awesome, Jason works in a pool half naked all day long making people feel good, oh god I want him to touch meeeeeee!!!

But he is my cousin, so that's kinda weird. I don't know actually. I've never really been attracted to a family member before. Save for thoes weird dreams about my mother having a horse cock and forcing me to dress up in french maid clothes and clean a redicuacly huge house that I've never seen before. Lets not talk about that. I have had a dream where I made out with a sister that I don't have, but I think that is a little diffrent. As long as their they same age, I think incest could be ok, like brother sister stuff. Or kissing cousins, which I kinda want to be right now. I think if I had a sister, and she was rather hot and my age, that I would make a pass at her. But I don't have a sister, so I don't really know.

Family is weird, I don't need to be adding weird relationships to the center of it. It be a bit like having two close friends of yours start to go out, it would be a little weird to see them make out on the couch. And if they ever broke up, you would have to choose a side. In family its worse, because if you did break up, they're blood, so you can't choose a side. And if you don't break up, you mother would want grandchildren, even if they come out with horrible diseases. She would still think they're cute.

Transhuman Necrophille

I feel like an immortal, I feel like nothing can dent me forever. Why? I got a new shirt, kinda looks like the shirt Brad Pitt wore in "Interview with a Vampire". And I look damn sexy in it. But it made me realize that I am an immortal. Think of it like furries knowing that they are really a wolf. I don't think I have to drink blood, and I don't think that I have to ever die.

I think it is more of a realization. I've always been interested in living longer than your average human, always been a transhumanist. And I never really thought I was an average human. I think now I really will change my life for the better. Live healthier and exercise and stop eating crap and just be good to myself. How else am I going to live forever?

In other news I finally figured out my feelings about my girlfriend. I figured out that I can still love her, but only when I think of her as a girl. If she ever found my blog and saw that I'm using the wrong pronoun, she would be pissed. After she came out, I denied that to myself. It took me three months to realize that she will eventually become completely male, or die trying. I'm am not sure if I can ever have a serious relationship with a guy. The only reason that I'm with her now is that I consider Tommy a girl in my head. I've been loving a dead girl, I think it is time to move on.