Lets go to the mall!

I just got a new dildo, and I don't think I've ever been in love with something this inanimate before.

It was a gift for Jack, more or less. Something that he can strap-on and fuck me with. Not quiet exactally what he wanted, it's bright pink. But still, something to strap on and just hump away with. And since I won't really see him until Monday, I got it for the weekend. I already want to be fucked with it.

But the much more interesting part of the story is how we got it. We took, a day trip to Modesto, me and my girlfriend, my brother and her boyfriend. In case that last sentence confused you, I have this long running joke with one of my female friends that we call each other "Brother". Kinda started out when she said I was like a brother to her, this pissed me off because I do not like to be told I am unfuckable. So I called he brother back, she pick up on it, this pissed me off more. But anyways, me, my GF, my female friend, and her BF went on a day trip to Modesto, which was pretty much the closest place to get a dildo. All hail the mall. We we get into Modesto, we have a little accident, my GF, driving, didn't quite realize we were in the right turn lane. Results, a little paint damage to their car, and our left-side mirror is totally fucked up. And we have to wait an hour for the cops to show up and take a report while we are, and I'm not lying, half a block away from the mall.

The mall was normal, we walked past Hot Topic, we turned our heads towards the door, we see a life size picture of Edward, we keep on walking. We go to International Imports, we pick out a sweet dildo we think we have cash for, we count all out cash up, we're two bucks short. We remember a gift card, and then the machine says it's perfectly OK to buy a $30 item on a $25 non-reloadable gift card. After failing to convince the clerk that it's not her fault and it's ok to let us go because it said that the transaction went through, she checks it out and finds out we have seventy cents left. We pick out another, cheaper, dildo. We go to Cinabon and enjoy a snack. All is well.

Right before we are about to leave, we go to the bathroom, down this long hall. Now right next to the bathroom was a bunch of vending machines, and a photo booth. One of those old ones you use on vacations but they don't have any backgrounds, you know the type. But anyways, it's something to do while everyone I'm there with goes piss. I step inside and it moves, just a little, but enough to notice. I move my foot a bit and I can rock it back and forth. Interesting enough. So, one of my friends pop out of the bathroom and I show him, slightly interested. I mess around with it a bit more and this six-and-a-half-foot tall black mall cop say "Hey, knock that off," in a menacing black voice. I go, ok, ok, I'll be a good little boy. I watch the cop walk down the hall and turn away, completely out of site. Then I show the rest of my friends. The cop appears out of no where and goes, "You need to come with me." The cop won't even let me walk across the mall to get to the car, and he escorts my driver while me and the rest of my friends are waiting outside. At this point, I convince myself that my friend is pregnant. Because, first, she just got done puking in the bathroom, and second she told me off in the most serious tone, right in between bouts of laughter. "HAHAHAHA, God, what were you thinking, shaking a photo booth?!?! I mean he told you not to shake the photo booth and what did you do, you shook the photo booth, HAHAHA."

After my GF picks us all up, there all ganging up on me for getting us kicked out. "Did anybody else want something from the mall? Anybody? Anything? That's what I thought."