The Crazy God's Blog

Bite

2011-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

Two things first. I originally wrote this for /r9k/, so I took a few liberties with things. Second, this majorly comes out of an oral fixation I have. I feel like I could do nothing but make out for hours with the right person. Which is rather sad because my fuck buddy right now tends to dislike using his mouth for much. Thirdly, I was doing NaNoWriMo? Fuck, that totally slipped my mind somewhere down the line.

A lot of my male/lez friends talk about whenever a hot girl walks by, they start fantasizing about they'd fuck her, maybe take her from behind or shove her head in their crotch. Don't get me wrong, I do have fantasies about them too, it's just that mine are always a bit more... Cannibalistic.

I imagine myself maybe in a passionate make out session with the subject that just crossed my eyes. The type of intense kissing that tends to say "Tonight, we're going to go all the way, and when we get there, we're never coming back." The kissing is always a little rough too. Sometimes a bit to much force then necessary getting a part of one another's body from here to there, holding down of one subject by the other, sometimes nails digging into various body parts.

I always like to pay special attention to the neck. I find it one of the better parts of the human body. It's sensitive, just the right size to seek you teeth into, and unlike other bite-able parts like arms or legs, it's always close to where you wanna be. This is weird typing it out, but I'm going to try my best.

I do imagine biting into them. Typically neck first, not really because I want the meat from there, not to much into blood for it's edible qualities, but there's typically enough blood pouring out of them at that point that they don't stay conscious for long. I hear a few veins in the thighs are good for that too. Might try that next time. I tend to imagine myself tearing off strips with my bear teeth. Often starting at limbs and working my way inward. I don't always hit them neck first though. Sometimes I like talking off a chunk of skin and muscle just to see how they react. Holding them down as they panic and scream in pain. Finishing up is always a bit messy.

Sometimes I wonder if I could pull of that gothic 'vamp' look and get some canine extenders. Then I think, nah that'd be retarded.

I am officially insane

2011-11-01T03:27:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do NaNoWriMo again.

The notion didn't really cross my mind until a few days ago. Before that point, whenever I thought about it, or someone brought it up, I thought, "Yea, I did it once, that was kinda fun, that was enough for me." But on Friday or Saturday I saw something and that made me think. Damn me to hell, twice, once for watching this show to begin with, and second off for drawing such inspiration from it to make one month of my life a lot more trouble than it needs to be, but I saw an episode of Family Guy. The scene is one of Stewie making fun of Brian in a roundabout way for when Brian either casually mentioned, or seriously considered writing a novel. "So you've been working on that novel. Three years? All this time you've been working on this novel. Do you have a plot, beginning, middle, end? You got a compelling protagonist?" This goes on for about a minuet and a half all the while Stewie's voice is getting higher and higher in a classic 'Family guy taking a joke that could be told in half a second and spending a full ten seconds on it'.

But that got me thinking, 'Yea, that sounds like fun. Crafting my own little world and spending so much time and effort filling it with characters people might want to read about. Devising plots and sub-plots and derivatives of those plots and mixing them all together in a interesting way. It's almost like a puzzle, trying to figure out how this story is going to happen, how it's going to end, how it's going to start, what the fuck is going on between here and there. Who is everyone, what makes them unique, what makes them tic and what pisses them off. How do they interact with each other. What's the major plot line, the details of how and why this is all happening. Where is all this happening, settings times places props background. How do I make this interesting?'

And so now, apparently, I'm working on a novel, when I'm not playing minecraft that is.

It's like that Recurring Nightmare that you've only had once

2011-10-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

I don't think I dream like normal people. I'm not really sure if that sentence made sense. I don't really know what a normal dream is to be honest. But lately, I've been having this series of dreams that have been full of various repeated things that I've never really heard other people talk about in their dreams.

First is this restart thing that happens occasionally. It probably has to do with how much I play video games. If I fail at something, or if something goes horribly wrong or sometimes for no reason, I'll be back where I was five minuets ago to try again. A week ago, I had a dream where this little village I lived in was being bombed my air raids. It was my job to take down the zeppelins that were bombing us and take out their leader. The first time around, after the bombed most of the village, they landed, I boarded and found myself woefully under prepared for a fight with a girl with a mace before she finally shot me. The second time around, I found an airplane, landed on and sabotaged the zeppelin before it bombed anything and found the leader girl and easily took her down and took her gun from her and shot her in the chest. It was awesome.

Another thing I never hear anyone else talking about and something that annoys the fuck out of me is that I never get to have sex in my dreams. Anytime I get to hot and bothered in my dreams, I'll wake up as if my mind is pushing me out for being to naughty. When I come out of those, I feel like I always wake up really easy, that just makes me infinitely more frustrated because I can't fall asleep back into that dream. And 99% of the time, I absolutely hate it and it just want me to bang stuff harder. But last night, I found that 1% for the first time. The other person in my dream was my 6th grade teacher who was trying to seduce me. And if you don't know my 6th grade teacher, which you better not since this is an anonymous blog, she is a mix of the Mother/Witch character from Tangled and a boot camp instructor. If you do know my 6th grade teacher, get out of here stalker.

BLARG

Body changes, Pt. 1

2011-09-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Note: Since this is a notice of changes over long periods of time, Parts 2 and 3 will probably come out when I am 40 and 60 respectably.

I've been noticing things. I don't really want to talk to long and why I don't want to be sitting at this computer for more than a few minuets should be obvious soon. I know little things that we once liked and did changes places with things we loath and ignore all the time. For as long as I can remember I've liked chocolate, in any form. This is very normal. However, I've had friends tell me that they very clearly remember me not like Hershey's. I do not remember this at all. I would almost buy it too because it sounds like some sort of anti-corporation thing kick that I was on that I've been known to do. I don't believe it because chocolate is chocolate is chocolate is chocolate is good.

I've been noticing things that I've haven't liked before that I currently like. I always remember as a little kid instantly hating all vegetable like things for almost the soul fact that they are vegetables. Eventually learned to enjoy(or at least tolerate) things like carrots, broccoli, asparagus, and corn. I still don't like Brussels sprouts and my mom tends to buy these 'steam in the microwave' corn carrots broccoli packs that are disturbing how disgusting they are, they are the only events in recent memory of someone telling me to eat my veggies and me flat out saying "No". All those are rather understandable for a small child to not like, however, I also remember not liking olives, mushrooms and onions. I remember looking back to the small child I once was and thinking "Was I fucking retarded? That shits delicious." Pizzas are much better now. Still not crazy about peppers.

Tonight, I had homemade fried chicken, nothing new, but this was made with Sriracha, better known as Red Rooster hot sauce that hails from Vietnam. Now, there wasn't enough of this stuff to provide much more of a small kick under the skin. But, I'm testing how the chicken tastes and notice the bottle of sriracha on the counter. I pour a dab just as a taste test. Taste good. Bigger dab, still taste good. One fried chicken thigh later, I felt like I got kicked in the mouth. But in a good loving way, just like my ex used to do. I never use to like hot sauce before, but now I do. Growing up is weird.

Fun fact, that was about four hours ago, and as of right now, my innards are doing this dance that feels like what I would imagine a person to react to someone being locked in a 6'by6' room for four hours having the ceiling and walls slowly leek lava. FUN.

Frieng Scientist Discovers Immortality - 9/7/2054

2011-09-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

Editor's note: I am not a time traveler and this is not actually news from the future. This was an assignment that my English teacher made a few years ago. The overall project was "Your Entire Life" and the excerpt I'm about to share is supposes to be the newspaper clipping of our death. I thought I would be original and talk about how I discovered immortality because, well, that's my plan. After talking to the teacher, this idea got turned down. I went with something like I died freak-crazy-awesome fireworks accident and left behind "Four wives, seventeen children, thirty grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, one great-great-granddaughter, and a pack of wolves." After finding my original draft, I realized that that was probably a good thing that my idea got turned down.

CALIFORNIA, USA - Yesterday, Wylv of SBL.Inc, made a statement declaring that he had figured out the gene that makes people age and how to turn it off. This gene theapary may be placed in expecting women's children and may be introduced into living adults through various procedures.

Wylv has been working on the gene responsible for aging for over twenty years, he explains "About seven years ago, we did identify the gene and a way for putting the fix into zygotes. But we still needed a way to transfer the fix into living adults, and we needed to find out if there were any side effects to the thepary. Fifteen women voulnteered to have their babies become part of the experiment."

Wylv explains how he came to the conclusion that he fixed aging "After the babies were born, 8 girls and 7 boys, we preformed biopsies of various tissues, then subgugated thoes tissues to a number of tests that that would simulate 50 years of growth, splitting into new cells, followed by growth. In the normal human, a strand of DNA degrades each time it splits, only a little bit, but after about fourty to fifty times, it becomes noticable. The DNA and tissues of these test subjects however did not decay at all, leading to the assumsion that after these children were fully grown, they were never age."

Then Wylv explains how he found the method in which adults can fight aging from this therapey. "After doing a series of completly ligimate experiments with the young girls, I realized that the genes can be passed from one person to another through the use of the one place in the body where more partial copies of genes can be made than any other, the genitalia. Each little girl can carry one 'dose' of the thepary inside of her that is passible to a man. Any attempt to get a dose from a used girl would be futitle. Each dose can make a man look five years younger."

Wylv explains this when, even that he is over 60 years old, he looks about 20. "I found out that I can also pass doses to my wife through oral ingestion of my seminal fluids for about four days after each dose I take. When taken this way, the doeses are themselves less potent, but there can be multiple doeses taken. Fasting seems increase the effictiveness of this."

Wylv explains that little boys can also be effecive in transfuring the gene thepary. "My coulgies have studied on the male subjects and found that the rectums can be just as effective as female genetalia. They even get the bonus of being able to transfur it to others through their semen for about four days afterwards."

When asked what he will do now that he will most likely never die, Wylv replied "I'm going to fuck tight virgin pussy till the end of time."

This is an exercise in will power.

2011-05-31T00:19:00.000-07:00

I want to change myself. I know that there are things about me that I need to fix, I need to correct. I want to be a better person. I want to be a productive member of society. I want to earn my own way in the world and I want to live independent of others.

However, there are problems with this. Notable, the job market is made of shit sandwiches that have frosting provided by oil executives. But politics is not my problem. In fact, I'm petty sure I don't believe in democracy anymore, but that's another issue. As I said, my focus should not be on politics. My focus in life needs to be getting and keeping a job. Right now I almost have a job. I almost have an income. I would have all of those things if I had a boss. However, I have my cousin, who I'm pretty sure has ADD or ADHD or whatever they call it because he tends to not be able to focus worth shit. It probably has to do with the fact that he smokes a lot of pot. He also grows a lot of pot. That's kind of my job right now. Pot farmer. More official title would be farm hand. Would work because theres about thirty chickens that I help take care of everyday and I'm helping make a vegetable garden. I'm also making 12 bucks an hour to shovel around ten foot mounds of dirt for fututre pot plants. Point is that this isn't something that I can right down as a transfurable job skill to well. I need actual job experience that I can get actual jobs with.

Side note. I don't smoke pot. Or drink. Or do any amount of drugs that I've had plenty of contact with. I've never really seen the appeal in it. Although I am consideing taking up smoking just because.

I don't really know why I'm writing most of this. I want to say I can change. I want to get up on some high place and shout to the world, "See me now, remember me and remember my flaws. For next month, I shall come back to this place on high and thoes flaws will be here no more. By next months time, I shall have a steady income, and a place to call my own even if I'm just renting it. I'll have a steady relationship, and I'll surround myself with friends. I'll be won't be a recluse and I'll be happy and somewhat normal. Just you see."

But then I'm afraid I'll come back next month and what will be there is the same lonely, jobless boy that was once prowd. If I ever go back at all.

I'll see you in July.

Fucking Homicidal Maniacs

2011-05-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

My body aches, there's a bruise on my chest and I wouldn't be surprise if I can't get hard for a week.

I've been reluctant to blog anything because my feeling have been really flipping around between hating the situation, to finding all the good parts about it. I fucked up. I've been told that there's other reasons for this break-up, but it got a kick start that way. I'm kinda ok with all that right now. Actually not really, I just don't want to write all that down right now.

But anyways, back to about two nights ago. My IM program came up with the text "I had a dream about you." At first I was confused as fuck because I thought it was a friend of mine named Alex and he doens't seem like the type to talk about his dreams. T finally IM'd me after a month and a half of no contact. Told me how much better his life was doing since he was able to focus on himself instead of a relationship. Which didn't really make me feel to good. We talked about our lives and how their doing. He offly mentioned that someone new was popping up. As in, new personalities coming in and trying to do what needs to be done. Of course, being the moldable little things that upcoming personalities are, this one took the name Johnny. Shortened to Nny. I'm not going to comment on that. But anyways, he's someone who's a little bit violent, and doesn't smoke, so he should be good for the system. At first he wasn't really into the sex thing, but a bit of personal time later, it turns out he's the systems new outlet for sexual energy. I can tell I'm going to like him.

So fast forward to about 6 P.M. yesterday, Johnny comes up in T's van and picks me up. We go to a local abandoned lake, or at least abandoned at this time of year. Johnny explains a bit more about himself, how he feels in this body, that he feels like a robot programed with functions to do or not do certain things, how he can see through the very much fakeness of his existence, unlike the other alters where they tried with all their might to have their own individuality. And how that in turn caused problems when they did things they wern't built for and tried to stay longer and that he's not to likely to do that.

In our conversation the night before, he mentioned how one of the things he is probably around for is "Carnal desires" A.k.a. Sexual needs. But in person, he was rather shy about anything to do with sex and the like. Kept saying things like that he wasn't capable of it. I just put my moves on him and he warmed right up. Also figured out that fun dip can be more fun with someone you like and without the powder. Could probably have fun with the powder, but we were having fun with just the stick. So a bit of makeouts later, we go back to my place and fuck for about two hours. One of the things he firsts finds out is that sex is fun. Really fucking fun. This is why my body hurts in various places right now. Then about an hour of snuggling mixed with looking at some funny pictures.

It was a neat little turn-around to watch. Someone going "Nah," to "BONING THINGS IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!" But there was another little turn around with his personality. At first he thought he wasn't going to stay around long. He didn't really see a reason that he should be here, or even exist. But there he was snuggling me under my arm saying, "I think I get those guys now, why they stayed around. They liked it here. I like it here."

Emergency Blog post: Vicious Camel Cycles

2011-03-12T06:15:00.000-08:00

Ever feel stuck in a rut? Ever feel like you're doing this one situation over and over again even though its' totally preventable? Ever feel like you're just drifting in life? My life could be better right now.

I do this a lot and a fuck ton more than I should. One of the more easy ways to show this is that I procrastinate a lot. Putting things off constantly till the last second, and at that last second typically make one of two choices, either that it's too tough to finish in such a short time, or that I might be able to get it done and I have nothing better to do so I might as well do a hail mary. I don't watch football that often, I'm not sure if I'm using that term correctly. It's not really to procrastination part I'm talking about here though, it's the part where I keep doing it. It's the part of me that says, "Yea man, you still have time if you don't start right now. You totally have time to go through that MTG forum again."

Similarly, I need a job. While I have a simi-loving mother, I don't need a job too badly, I really ought to get one to be called a somewhat productive member of society. And there are a lot of days where I'm like "Yea! Jobs! Woooo! I'm totally going to go online soon and go find a job." Then I go home, warm up my laptop and directly procede to playing Captain Forever. Typically job searching sites tend to be a little less exciting that say, blowing up ships in outer space and looting their parts.

Then their's the part I really need to fix, the part that I really should fix, the part that I actually want to fix in myself compared to the first two. Not letting my dick get ahead of myself. As I might have said before, I do have myself a loving, cute, cuntboy-boyfriend. Cuntboyfriend? Doesn't have a good ring to it. But anyways, lately, his sex drive has been mostly defined as highs and lows between "You know what, I don't even want to bother with that aera down there," to "I'm going to get this nice hard rod attached to my crotch somehow, and you're going to bend over," to "I'm a decent city boy that stuck in the middle of nowhere, but while I'm here, I wanna have some fun." I could probably put most days on a chart that ranged from horny to libarian on the X axis and Male to sub on the Y axis. And there tends to be this cycle of days where for a week or two or three or a month or two or three, where most days tend to fall under one catagory. Months that tend to look like, "You're not going near my crotch unless it's to suck my dick," sometimes follow months that look like, "Good morning, I'm going to ride your dick."

And for the most part I can sense and try to follow these general feelings about his crotch. During the months where nothing is going on, I try to not bring anything up, and the months were something might happen, I typically bring something up. But then there's that inbetween time of where one month slowly turns into another. Where I think that nothing is going to happen and then the next morning he's there lying next to my messing with my dick. I always kind of feel like a deer in the headlight then. Except for a deer, I'm just me on the side of the road, and instead of headlight, it's just a car with the word "SEX!!!" written on it. I'm trying to figure out what that is and when I do, it's already way down the road and my boyfriend is asleep next to me. It makes sense if you're tired as fuck.

But then there's the other week, where month of sexy time slowly changes into month of "Let's do me a favor and pretend my crotch doesn't exist time." Time of where I think it's ok to do something, and it's not. I really think I've gotten better at this, but I do need some work. And it doesn't really help that sometimes I'm already horny as fuck before my somewhat logical part of gray matter says, "don't do that"(I like putting summaries of pages long situations into quotes, don't ask why). I should know that snuggling in the morning sometimes is just trying to snuggle, and that bending over does not give me free reign to hump. And after so many years, you'd think I'd learn that just because there isn't a "no", it doesn't mean "yes". And just like trying to find a job or trying to get an english paper done, I keep telling myself that I'm not going to let that happen, but I could tell you that my morning could have gone better.

*explanation of title* First, look at the time this got posted. Seven o'clock in the morning on a fucking Saturday, you know that's some fucked up shit. Vicious Cycles, it keeps happening, even thought it's not very nice. Camel, I was going to talk about how I try to be like a camel about sex, where I get all I need in a short little time while it's avaible, so I can survive the time where it's not. And that telling my body, "ok, time to stop drinking, time to not drink" can be sometimes difficult. Didn't really fit that in there. That and smoking is bad, m'kay kids.

Intresting weekend

2011-02-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

Went to my bf's house. Everyone got a little drunk, even me which is weird. Played minecraft badly, got (as my BF put's it) "fresh" with everyone, held my boyfriends head as he puked. Had an hour long sex session. Got a little wound on my dick from fucking so long. Slept till noon, didn't really do anything more meaningful than a couple games of magic. Slept, woke up around 7-8 to comfort my bf who poked his eye. About three, we went to a prompt care and found out he scratched his cornea. Ouch. More comfort, including fucking, then home.

I want to expand a little bit. Especially the bit where everyone was drunk. Me and my bf are his room. He says he's not really feeling well. He says he's not really feeling alone in his head. If you don't remember, this was the guy with multiple personalitites. So not "feeling alone" is code for "I think one of the personalities that hasn't been around in like a year is about two feet away from raping your ass." About an hour or two later that pretty much happened. Was worried about it smelling like shit, which it did. So I went to take a shower, he used the same bathroom to puke. Watching him puke was one of the moments I could definatly say I wanted to be as far away from my boyfriend as possible.

Then we went back to his room and he cried. For the first twenty minuets, he cried because a year ago, he passed up a blowjob by some guy drunk enough that he wouldn't care what junk he was sucking. And yea, I would probably be bummed that I passed up a blowjob from a cute guy and/or girl, but the way he cried about it was just, and yes it was probably increased tenfold with the booze, and I really do hate using this word describing someone I care about so much, but the best to describe his reaction is pathatic.

Seeing anyone cry for half an hour doesn't really help a positive image about that person in your mind. That reasoning doesn't warrant that responce in my mind. But what he cried about next was more receptive of crying. He asked me weather or not I would be happy if Jack and Lex and the gang came back. I said I'd be ok with it. He cried that no one was ever happy about them, he wanted someone to be happy about them. The only responce I'd ever given is that I'd be ok with them.

Honestly, I'd be happy to see them, estacatic to hang out with them again after so long. Jack being this rude crude passionate fellow with almost no restrictions. And Lex, the man that strives for infinate chivalry, but in all the times I've seen him, he's infinatly failed making him infinatly awkward and cute. I would love to see thoes guys again, but then again something comes along with them. Instability. It's not really their fault, but I know that passing out becomes more common, memory of whole days doesn't always go into the record books, bouts of crying come out without any reasoning. I like them, I also like having a stable boyfriend, or at least somewhat stable. Which I might not have anyways, after crying about this, right before passing out on the bed. In fact I think he feinted and someone else caught the body before it fell. Someone was in there, looked me in the eye and said with a voice that isn't my boyfriends, "How do feel knowing you are one of the hundreds that's been lied to in the past seven months?" I think I've thought about that one sentence more than anything else this weekend.

...

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says OOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOO...
The second whale says "Frank, you're fucking drunk."

I'm not dead.

2011-01-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

I'm proud of that, mostly because I've used that site twelve times and that's the first time I've got an author back that I've heard of before.

Where have I been? That's a good question that I need to ask myself. My ex has turned into my boyfriend, I'm going on two semesters of college, and I have a new obsession.

My love life? For the past couple of months, it's been pretty good. We romance each other with Taco Bell. Spend hours snuggling. And we have a mix between sweet and sensual lovemaking sessions to bondage and half-rape fuckfests.

My college days are filled with phasing out then trying to remember what the teacher said. And Ultimate Frisbee. There's actually a really cute guy in my Bio and PE class that I'm pretty sure is gay, and I'm trying to make good friends with him. If he's not gay, I have no idea why he has a light blond dye job that he typically makes into a faux-hawk and has one of the bigger pair of rhinestone encrusted sunglasses I've seen. He's really cute.

One of my new hobbies is a game called Magic: the Gathering, I think I've talked about it on here before. But I've met a couple of new people at college that are really fucking into the game, so I got a lot more into it than I was. So now every tuesday I go to a party where we cube, or play with the best 500 cards out of the 10,000 that's ever been printed. It's some of the most fun I've had outside of bed.

That's life. Might blog here more, don't know.

A new leaf

2010-08-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

I love someone so much that I would give them access to this very blog and have that person know me in real life.

I feel like I'm giving the URL link to my soul.

<3

Patience can make mountains move.

2010-08-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

God, has anything happened the past week? Has anything not happened in the past week? I hosted a party, nice big party with cake and everything I invited like a dozen people, who said they would all come, then only three showed up. Four more came in later, but I was still rather pissy about that. Need to punch babies. But hey, whatever, chilled out eventually.

At the end of the night, everyone grabbed a couch or a chair, and then proceeded to pass out. Save for me, which the only place left was a rather uncomfortable chair that only leaned halfway back. So what I did was go back to my room since it was my house, then pass out. I was woken by my ex who decided to come in like two hours before anyone else woke up and demand snuggles from tired old me. I grudgingly obliged. The he started rubbing his ass against my morning wood wanting some wake up anal. I grudgingly obliged. But when do you ever get to fuck someone for a birthday treat?

So fast forward through the pleasantries of going out into the world and enjoying the rest of the party. After everyone went home, it was just me and my ex alone. Sleeping together. Not like that, like sharing a bed to get a bit of the sleep we missed out on going to an overnight party. Then we got a wonderful idea to go and see Inception, he didn't like it because it was an inaccurate representation of dreams. But it wasn't really a date or anything, just a movie between two close, ass-fucking friends. With a romantic dinner afterward, at Taco Bell.

I don't really know if I want to get back together. I mean, if things keep going the way they are, that's probably going to end up how it's going to be. I think what I should do is move on with my sex life and find some other pretty young thing to fuck up the ass. Mostly because what use to go on between me and him was awesome 19-hour sex romps, and now his idea of sex is to come up to me and go "I'm horny" then we fuck, then he almost pukes at the idea of sex for a week and a half. Which I'm slowly learning.

Since right now, we're not anything more than fuck buddies, I really should be putting myself out there more, which will probably start with college. But the only real thing I have going with my life is him, which I will probably stay with. And if I want to stay with my ex and get, not necessarily the most sex, but the best sex, I will need to learn one basic skill.

Patience.

The night I knew I was loved.

2010-07-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

I fucked someone in the ass. No where near what I had planned for that day.

Normal pool gathering for a tuesday. Party a little bit. Then my Ex came over. Talked and waited for everyone else to leave, then walked back to his place. We talked. Reminisced. Snuggled. Maked out. Groped each other. Mostly his ass. Then stuck a finger up his ass. Then got lubed up and stuck my cock up his ass. He was glad that I didn't try to go for any front bits.

But anyways, we're like halfway through ass fucking and his dad comes home. Ever since the "J" incident, which he heard about, my ex's dad hasn't been too keen on seeing me again. So it was that if he came home, I was to sneak out a door. But my ex wasn't too keen on interupting our great ass fucking session. So the door to the bedroom was shut, locked and the key tossed behing the mattress. After the assfucking, about halfway through the fisting, the phone rang. One of our mutual friends. Apparently she was wandering around the second biggest city in the county, drunk off her ass, depressed about what was only explained as "My parents are assholes."

This very quickly went from a bad situation, to worse. As I wasn't suppose to be on the property of the man that was one hallway away playing New Super Mario Brothers Wii. A game which he's had for like four months and looked like he got maybe to the seventh world. I had that game for a weekend and beat it. But still a situation of if I walked passed, I could very well be spotted by a turned head. So my ex wanted me to go out the window. Fun. Dangerous. Just my type of night. Eventually he figured that I would probably get spotted anyways cuz the next room has a nice big window. So we did something ten times more daring. Walk straight out there and hope he doesn't see us. Which surprisingly worked. I had to duck behind a window for ten minuets while my ex got everything together, but it still worked out great. A quick ride and a peck on the cheek later, and I'm probably doing the same next week.

I would have gone along with her to see said mutual friend for support and whatnot, but he advised against it. I think it's because said mutual friend is almost best friends with another mutual friend for the remainder of this post I shall call M. M was there when the miscarriage happened. M held his hand when he was screaming on the bathroom floor, bleeding out so much that nothing could soak up everything. M was there listening when for three months straight, all he could complain about is me. And now my ex is back to me after so much pain and so much complaining. If there was any more of a hint that we were back together, in a more sexual sense, I'm not sure if he would ever hear the end of it.

good old childhood

2010-07-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I got a sudden urge to play Sonic Adventure. Now, since this is on a system that no longer is in production, and finding a dreamcast would be a feat in itself, I decided to do the next best thing. I got an emulator. That, and I'm to cheap to spend twenty bucks on what would probably be a system and probably twenty games. I know emulators and roms tend to have a reputation of being more diseased than twelve dollar hookers. But I tend to trust people and what they do. Which is something that will probably get me in some big shit someday, but what ever, I'll go down with a smile.

So, about twelve diffrent versions of emulators later, I finally got one that works. And I played a couple stages of Sonic Adventures. Then Sonic Adventures 2. I couldn't really get the emulator to play at any speed but 300%, or 70%. Both are annoying as fuck, but 300% doens't seem like your waiting for twelve hours to play one level and can get you through a level rather quick. And 70% is usefull for when you want to do something with presision.

But going through the list of games on the rom site, I saw other games that I remember playing. Things like Toy Racer, Rayman 2, and Evolution: The World of the Sacred Device. Now, for thoes of you who don't know about Evolution: The World of the Sacred Device, it was one of the first full RPG's on the dreamcast. It featured rich gameplay in it's unique dungon-crawling world, multiple exchangable charcters each with there unique wepons or abilities. If you don't have it, I suggest you go out and buy it. Or just get a digital copy of it and play it on a computer. And since there are no more "New copies" for you to buy and game makers to get roalities from, I'm pretty sure sega doesn't care either.

Diffrencencs between Girls and Boys

2010-07-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

Girls:
"Hey, you look like you're a little down. Anything wrong?"
"I didn't know I looked down at all, nothing's wrong."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea, I'm sure."
"Ok..."
Whole thing dripping with passive-aggressive-ness.

Boys:
"Hey, you look like you're a little down. Anything wrong?"
"I haven't had any cocaine in like 24 hours. Give me a break."
Round of guys busts out in laughter.

I try to leave, but they just keep pulling me back.

2010-07-14T02:58:00.000-07:00

Fuck man, I was going to become a monk or something.

Today was... interesting. I don't really think I could call it a good day though. I went to a pool party with a few friends. Went to taco bell after. Had tons of fun. On the way home, I was at peace. I felt good about myself. About my situation. I thought that I could live well like this. Not without sexual touch. I'm not all to sure if that makes sense, it makes more inside my head, believe me. The basic thing is that on the ride home, I was pretty sure that I could start to do a buddhist thing and live without disire. Without want. Without love.

Also had my first time with a horse today. It wasn't really my first time ever seeing a horse, but it was my first time seeing a horse that wasn't either at least twenty feet away, or with twenty other kids around it. I pet it a little bit, and it smelled my hand a lot, then it walked away. Horses are weird.

But, I got out of my friends ranch, and he dropped me off by the pool and went back to his house. My ex was at the pool, and since I'm trying to be closer to him and maybe repair some bridges that got broken, I thought I should stop and say hello. That hello turned into me helping pull the leather cover off their jeep, which turned into just hanging out till they left.

There were six people there. Me, my ex, his good friend, her boyfriend, and two other guys I don't really know. I did get the impression that it got a lot more awquard when I got there, which I was trying to avoid. We didn't really talk about the issue at hand, not really good company for that. Instead we talked about how Adrien Brody got hot in Predators. I kept thinking about how it would be nice to have friends. And how I could probably never live without people.

Fucking hell man.

I'm only writing this because utorrent is taking all the bandwidth

2010-07-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'm about to get two kittens. I don't really have to much more to say about that. Maybe I should have just twitter'd that. Whatever.

Some times I want to run away from this life. All this expectations, all this responsibility, all this pressure. Go ahead and become a wanderer. Go from place to place and live off the kindness of others, and give back to them what I can. Become a holy man, telling people how to live their life better. Become a tramp, picking up what little work I can to meet end's meet. Become a bard, tell people of more exciting days or more exciting lives.

The point of is all is that I want to live more free of what I do now. I want a existence that isn't tied down to anything. I want a life that isn't status quo.

I'm not all to sure of the logistics of it though. I can't really go more than a day or two without a shower before I start to feel like a grease trap. I don't really do to much with my time besides mess around on the computer. I'm not in shape at all, walking around or being in the heat for too long wouldn't really fit me. And I can't say I'm the prettist boy on the block either, free stuff wouldn't come eaisy.

Maybe I should get in shape and get a bit of plastic done before I go out into the world. Kinda weird for a hobo to have just come out of surgery. Whatever.

Most intresting weight lost system.

2010-07-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

Features no exercise! Eat whatever you want! No need for any dangerous pills! Have more hours in your day!

All you have to do is try your absolute best to never sleep. I've been trying to do this for a few weeks, and I have already lost like five pounds. I think that's a mix of still trying to eat three square meals even though it's more of a 20-22 hour day, working out to try to stay awake, and being sick to my stomach a lot, so whenever I do eat, I can only eat half what I use to. Also, when ever I do sleep, I noramally sleep so hard, that I'll wake up in six hours, and my muscles will be too sore to lie back down.

There's also a lot more dreaming going on. Probably just because I can sleep in and wake when ever I want. But last night I had an intresting dream. It started out as a 2d view of just a couple of 8-bit pixles. I had one of the pixles that got to shoot at little crosses. I finally damaged one of them enough, that a win screen popped up, an 8-bit girl offered to give my ship a blow-job. I turned my ship around and fired at the "restart" block. Again, there were a few crosses that I shot at. And again, I finally damaged one enough to open something else. However this one opened something not 8-bit, or any bit.

It was a living room with a girl in pretty much in the same position as last time, but she looked much better. This girl had long brown hair over her naked body going over her smooth perfect tits and the rest of her tan body. I walk up to her and feel her tits, taking time with her softly pointing nipples with two percings a peice. She offers me a blow-job I move my hand down to her shaven crotch, I mention how I would like something else more. I put a finger in her and I almost melted. She was tight, very tight, the thought of my cock being in her made me want to melt. At that point, I would do anything to put my cock in her. She says that she's a virgin, I still want her. We make out a little bit and I wake up.

As soon as I wake up, I try to go back to sleep. I've been trying to practive lucid dreaming more, as soon as I wake up, I try to do WILD. Which is pretty much You lying so still and ignoring any awake checks from your body so it thinks your mind is asleep. Then you can open your eyes and start seeing shit. Takes a while though, like thirty minuets, and as a I've said before, my body gets so tired that it gets sore to keep sleeping.

Stuff like that has been happening to me a lot recently, I wake up from such a nice dream, I don't want to do anything else but go back to sleep. Maybe I have nothing better to do these days but dream the days away.

The Expectations I cannot live without and their exceptions

2010-07-05T01:30:00.000-07:00

I have completely different expectations for my porn stars and my women.

Now, when I like to settle down for a little bit of 'Gentleman's Time', I generally go online to look at videos. Sometimes I'll go to places like /d/ and read a futa manga or something, but most of the time, I just go to redtube. I tend to have decently specific tastes when it comes to porn videos. Not like the girl has to be blond or Asian and the guy has to be generally my build, for the most part. The girl has to be shaved and not fat enough to rolls, I generally go for white girls mostly because black girls are weird and Asian girls are almost never shaved. My interest in guys are so specific that almost no one gets it right, just shut up and fuck the girl is all I say.

That's another thing, most porn videos start off ten minuets of them just talking. No offense, I like you being pieces of meat that get pounded. If I ever think I have a chance to date you I'll probably do all I can to find out more about you, otherwise, shut your trap before I put my cock in it. Then again, I don't really like blowjob scenes, which is the next ten minuets. So about ninety percent of the time, I just skip to the middle of the movie where she's already getting pounded. Hard. And moaning like she is. I don't really like dirty talk too much either. First off, I don't think that's very lady like. And yes I know she is having unprotected sex with someone she barely knows for cold hard cash, but I want her to keep some decency. And secondly almost no one does it right, most of it is "Oh god, I love your cock in my pussy!" Some times it even gets advance as "Oh god, I love your rock hard cock it my tight wet pussy!" Neither of which would get very far in the field of literary studies if written into a book. Good dirty talk could very well be written by Hemingway, or some other high class author that could write well and write porn.

Some other good things to shout during sex include "Yes/God yes/fuck me/harder/fuck me harder/Don't stop/*high pitched screams of pleasure*/*general moaning*." Also calling out names is good. The first time I've ever had a name called out during sex was when I was fingering a girl really intensely and she let the word "Light" slip from her mouth. For those who don't know, Light is the Americanized name of a character from the popular Manga/Anime series "Death Note". It's more his personality that makes him attractive. He's a serial killer. But a name was said that wasn't mine and I wasn't really sure how to react. Then again, I probably wouldn't know what to do if she said my name. Proven true by the first time a girl did shout out my name during sex. Part of me wanted to return the favor, part of me wanted to shout out "Oh, Jessica!", and part of me want to just keep doing what I was doing, like the last time a name was shouted out. And that was probably a good thing too, because I later found out wasn't Jessica. I think that would probably be an awquard moment to top them all. "Oh Wylv!" "Oh Jessica!" "Wait, who's Jessica?" "Aren't you Jessica?" "No!" "Then who the hell am I fucking?"

Lookie there, I've made a decently clean transition from porn to real life, now if only that could happen more often. The girls that I date tend to be not the girls that I would accept to star in porn I watch. They can be bigger girls, they can be hairy down there, they can have not such a nice complection. They can even have a bit of a mustache or sideburns and I wouldn't really care, mostly because dating an FTM has made me a lot more open to the possibility of reverse traps.

There's also a few more thing's I need in order to have a really good porn video. One is being a creampie. About 98% of all porn videos out there end with the guy pulling out and cumming onto the girls face. I don't like to do this in real life, so I don't like it in porn as well. I know that it feels probably ten times better to not have a condom on, but if it's a choice between using a condom, or pulling out, I'll get a condom because even though it feels ten times better to not have a condom on, it feels ten times better than that not to have to do something completely different at the end of it. I don't really think I could be a porn star just for that reason.

Lastly, it has to have color. I mean bold color. Bright blues or reds. I say this mostly because most porn look like they are shot in a hotel room with some off white lighting. By off white, I mean very much red or yellow. It looks like the white balance is off and is not a turn on at all. Hey, with all the videos out there, I can afford to be a little picky.

Merry July

2010-07-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

There's too much fucking emotion in the world.

For pretty much this entire day, I've been looking at webcomics. Some of the more drama filled hotspots of the internet that I actually read. Teens and adults and wolves fight each other with words of not so much hate, but words that have the same feeling behind them. Kissing and death and weird action shots of volcanoes follow all these emotions. I feel for them. I feel for these two dementional characters that are made up by some guy trying to kill time. Deep sorrow can be felt when some guy types in that one betrayed/fucked/kissed/killed/made fun of someone they should not have. The best writers make you feel like you could know the characters yourself, no?

Then I went and chatted on Omegel for a while, kill some time. I got bounced over to a site called Six Billion Secrets. It's a new fad I'm seeing pop up around the internet. People being able to share real life stories anonymously about how good, bad, or hilarious their day, life, or situation is. Then hundred of thousands of other people just like them can read and sympathize on how much their life sucks, rocks, or would make a good sitcom.

The more I read these sites, the more I realize that most people are self-centered bastards that couldn't see an emotion in someone else if it fell on their head like a brick.

I'm starting to think that most people just want to be looked at. And most of the time, they have no reason for anyone to look at them. Most of the sceans out there, like goth, skater, hipster, don't really reflect what they are about. They're just filling up space in their empty lives. I think I've finally made a revelation. Instead of trying to look cool, actually be interesting. Have stuff going on in your life that people would like to join in on. In the time it took me to right this blog, I learned how to play "A Horse With No Name" by America. Not really anything worth praise, but a start. Maybe I can keep with it this time. Maybe I can become... Post-Hipster.

Scratch that, just looked it up. Practically means hipster. Maybe I can just be an interesting guy. Maybe not Dos Equis interesting, but it's something to aim for. Let's start off with a guitar and work my way up to sharks having a week dedicated to me.

Spiritual Oblivion

2010-06-30T01:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the only reason I think I'm here is because I don't know any better.

What could have I been? I'm not talking doctor or fireman, I'm thinking bigger. I could have been a wolf for all I know. Why that popped into my head as the first thing is probably because I just got a copy of Ōkami for the Wii. Fucking amazing game. And I beat the whole thing without looking at any type of walkthrough for me. Not really a first but it has been a while. Especially for a largely puzzle game. I finally broke down and looked at IGN when I accidently stumbled apon the hardest challenge in the game. Ready to die at the fifth round of I didn't know how many, turns out there's ten.

I got on a tangent there. I'm just kinda wondering the nature of souls. Do they exist? Where do they go after we die? Where are they before we are born? Does everything have a soul? Can parts of things have their own soul? Can a group have a soul? Can souls have effects on the physical world, or visa-versa? Most importantly, why did my soul go into this body?

A thousand questions that living man might not ever answer. If we listen to science, they would tell us that our life is that and only that. There is no soul, no place that we go after we die and no place we were before we were born. That life as it is now is the only thing that matters. Why bother with church if the only place we go out of existence is into a grave?

I like to think a bit better than that. I've seen women trash on the floor when something dark inside of her was being pushed out. I've seen a man that hasn't has his lungs work right for ten years finally be able to take a deep breath after the touch of a holy man. I've heard things that no scientist would explain as a natural occurrence, felt chills in a room without wind, and seen things that could never have been there. More importantly I've heard men tell stories of walking the fine line of death and their experiences of coming back from the other side.

I'd like to think that after we die, that there isn't just some little place of dirt to call our own. That there is something more. Heck, if even all there was after we died was eternal punishment in a lake of fire, I would want to know. Probably so I can try to extend my life a bit more than I'm doing now. And maybe try to get use to heat more. If there is a hell, I hope it isn't just a lake of fire, I want it to be a bit more interesting. I want it to be my family reunion when I just got a smoking hot nymphomaniac girlfriend, that has issues about any PDA. I want it to be an urgent message courier for New York City during rush hour. I want it to be a nine to five job as an office bitch working for a company that sells paper. I want it to be my sixth grade class. I want it to be trying to teach the plot of a single episode of Lost to someone who's never seen it.

That being said, I don't really want there to be a hell. I'd like a heaven. But I think given enough time, heaven would be hellish. Getting to do whatever you want any time you want would be dull as hell after a year or two. Seems like getting a dream job that gets dull quicker than you can see your first paycheck.

If there is an afterlife, I hope it's a lot like earth here. Not everything is easy, not much comes free, and you have to give your time to get something good. And if there is an after life, I hope one day you can leave it, and I hope they have as much idea of where you go after that as we do now.

The Epic Struggle of Man

2010-06-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

I want to run an immoral science experiment.

There has been a total of five people I've fucked. Two were girls, two were guys, and then there's my transsexual friend. Three have been virgins, two have fucked other people before me. Two were younger than me, one was about my age, and the other two were older than me.

This is about the two girls that I've fucked. This is about two of the virgins. This is about two of the people that were younger than me. This is about the two fourteen year old virgins that I've fucked.

With in a few days after I fucked the first fourteen year old girl, I noticed my dick seemed to get a bit bigger. Even my transsexual friend noticed and liked that it got a bit bigger. Then, after I took the cherry of the second fourteen year old girl, I noticed my dick got a bit bigger again. Not by much, but noticeable.

Now part of me wants to think that this is a coincidence, just a fluke of nature that just some growth spurts happened at that time. Then there's other part of me that wants to think that, yes, for some reason my dick happens to get bigger when ever I fuck a new girl. That I have and will have for the rest of my life, a way to make my dick bigger, not nessicarly anytime I want, but I don't really want to think that I have to fuck a virgin in order to have this effect though. Or a fourteen year old. Then again, if I have to fuck fourteen year olds, it probably wouldn't be to hard to get virgins as well.

Need actually scientific data about the size of my cock, the girls I'm with, and change over time. Maybe I can make a connection. If I do find out if there is a connection between fucking and dick size, I want to know. Not only for my own sake, but for the sake of all the other girls I will ever fuck. If I ever publish my findings, I will probably be called a pedophile.

Isn't what most men do an attempt to make their dick seem bigger? I'm just a little more direct.

I am safe.

2010-06-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Met with parents of J today, said that they kinda understand and would probably do the same thing if they were in that position, at least the step-dad did. More importantly, not pressing charges. They talked about how she's not exactly innocent, and how they need to keep a better leash on her. The mother just broke some major part of her leg, so she can't go back to work for three months, so in that time, she's going to keep a mighty close eye on her. They kept saying teens will be teens and didn't really blame me cuz they know their daughter is a slut. They also kept saying that they would use this time to "Instill the fear of god in her." Which I didn't really understand, and made me think more and more about kidnapping J, not so that I could have a sex slave, but for her own good. The church the mother goes to is the big flashy type of Christianity that asks you to give to the rich church so they can build a bigger, flashier church. Makes sunday seem like a three ring circus.

The step dad didn't quite talk so much. The t first comment was about how he would do what I did, then a grunt followed by the words "You know, hormones," when it matched what his wife was talking about. The next words out of his mouth is that how I am rather lucky, and that I didn't sleep with anyone's daughter that would have a grudge against the pervert and go after him with a shotgun. He also casualled mentioned that he does have a shotgun, and that two people that would be the type he just discribed would be J's older brother and biological father. Thankfully for me, they are both more than three hundred miles away. He also said he'll let it slide now, but next time, he will call the sheriff. If not one of the men eariler mentioned. He also mentioned about how there are plenty of guys in this county, that if I went and fucked their daughters, they would never find the body. He's a nice guy, I think.

So I'm probably going to stay away from that girl for a while. Till she's eighteen at least.

A thousand ways my day could have gone better.

2010-06-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

Something so horrible has happened, that the thought of what might come next has made me wash my sheets.

Did I mention that J is only 14 years old? I think I did, did I mentioned that I fucked her multiple times? I think I did too. However, I don't believe that I ever wanted this mentioned to her parents, which from what I heard, just happened.

I woke up and texted J that we should meet up today. No response. Five minuets later, I text her again asking if she exists. Still no response. Then I'm about to text her that either she got her phone taken away, or I am going to be angry as hell at her, and no that will not be good for angry sex, before I get a call from my friend that he overheard a phone conversation that his parent had a talk with the parent of J, that said she confiscated her phone and looked at all the messages saying that we've fucked. Not to suprized that she didn't text me back now. But I am now frantically going through the house, picking up any condoms, throwing any used sheets into the washer because my friend also said that they were going to be coming over soon. I hid the condoms in a very secret place because I didn't quite thought I had time to burn them. But then I got everything done, and settled down at the computer and waited for them. That was about 2PM, and it is now past 3AM.

Worry is not your friend. Not knowing where someone is because they aren't on time and might be dead in a ditch, not bad. Getting a test back that may make or break your grade, not bad. Seeing your friend again after a particulary bad fight, not bad. Getting up your courage to go talk to a hot girl, ok that's kinda bad, but... Waiting for the cops to come pick you up and throw you in jail. Bad.

I am not a pedophile. At least I don't think of myself as a pedophile. She has a D-cup, so if I am a pedophile, I'm not the bad of one. She's drunk more alchol, smoke more ciggaretts, and has done more drugs than I probably ever will, yet these laws are in place to help protect young girls, like her, and their innocence. If she had any innocence to begin with, I didn't take it. If nothing else, I only gave her something else to be addicted too. Quick question, would you rather have your 14 year-old daughter have a very dedicated boyfriend that always uses proper birth control with her, or have a daughter with a very didicated crack dealer that always sells her good clean shit?

Lol, accidental 30 day challenge

2010-06-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

Lets see what happened to me today.

J, new girl, was up texting till about 1:30 at night. Then I fell asleep and got a text at 8:30. Now that I think about it, it was 7 hours so I really should be complaining, but still. She sent me a text saying that she was home alone. I don't think any self respecting man could get a text that says "Hey, I've got plenty of time for you to come and fuck me this morning. I want your ass over here." And still go back to sleep. So I got up, I threw together a bag with condoms, snacks, and some underwear for her, and went up to her place. Never been there before so it took like a hour to find it. But once I got there, I relaxed a little bit. She danced around in her new underwear. Then we fucked, I thought it was a relaxing fuck.

She was slapping me a lot, not playful slapping, full on slapping. Like, almost wanted to punch her slapping. Then we went back to my place, half making out on my bed, half snuggling. And she was still slapping me a lot. I'm normally a laid back guy, not really one to look for a fight or yell at people and do any sort of catharsis. But it got to a point were I flipped her off of me and I got all her limbs of held down. And she was smiling. That's when I realized that angry sex is what she wanted. That all that slapping and making fun of me was her trying to make me angry, so she could get off properly. She could have done a lot better way to get me angry than just slapping me till I fucked her nice and hard. But that was effective, and I'm not all to sure what I would do if she said that she wanted me to get angry. So what did I do once she finally got me angry? Fucked her hard, of course. She claims that I'm so more passionate angry.

So now I looking for ways to get myself angry. Looking at pictures of stupid concepts, reading creationist theories, screaming and punching things. I even tried doing Guitar Hero on expert mode. But one thing has seemed to work particularly well...

Music.

The starting riffs, they empty me, they make me a shell to fill myself of what comes next. The singers reach me on a level that talking could never claw it's way down to. Solo's touch places that seem like they haven't been touched since the universe was made. The chorus, the repeated notes, drilling their way into my mind passing any emotional barriers that were ever created. The ending finally brings it to an close, where ninety percent of the weather the song is good or bad can rest on weather or not it has a good ending. The very beats coursing through my veins making it seem like emotion itself is prepackaged and sold in 1's and 0's.

The only problem is that I tend to not really have any heavy music. I think Porcupine Tree is my most heavy band, mostly listen to shit like Vampire Weekend.

And J is giving me a beat around

2010-06-22T23:14:00.000-07:00

Man, today has been the weirdest day for me.

My ex called me. My ex called me and said that he(FTM transition, I think I can go with he here) wanted to meet up. I said yes. Maybe I could get a chance to apologize. I don't really know what I was thinking, but I know it wasn't what it turned out to be. He came over to my place. We talked, we had emotions spill out, we snuggled a little bit. We made out, we fucked each other. We had pizza. Basically he's hated me so much for what he calls rape, making him pregnate, then acting like a jerk. Three months of him being so emotionally fucked over from getting used, and dumped. Then the whole thing of what could have happened if the zygot that lived for a short time inside him lived to full term. A few months before the break-up, he had a dream. We were getting married, and we had a baby, named Ive. Or something like that, I can't really remember. But there was one bit where he and a friend were at a store, the passed by the little section for babies, and he just stood there, crying his eye's out. I can tell that he was very much broken up and I havn't even scratched the surface.

But we fucked and snuggled and did all these things just like it was old times again. And I loved it. One of the other major emotions he was feeling was, not so much hornyness, but just wanting someone to snuggle, someone to kiss and feel skin to skin. None of his other friends are really people for touching. Suck their dicks, maybe, no snuggling. And he was really missing that feeling of being close to someone. I was always the person to provide that, his snuggle crack dealer. So he came over to my place, and we made a bit of a move towards each other. And so we had one long ass sex session full of ass.

About the baby. I know that he at one small point in time carried something inside him that could have very easily become a full grown human being. While this is techinally true, I don't really think life begins at conception. While yea, everything is there and left alone, it would become a baby. If you took it out right then, it couldn't sustain itself. But then again, with that logic, you could say that one isn't a legal human being till you get out of collage and have your own job with a wage you can live on.

That tells me something that I think I've know for a long time. I'm not human.

I has a girl.

2010-06-20T02:24:00.000-07:00

Remember J? I talked about her a while back, and how she is insanely hot for me. Well, I wrote a little something for all you guys.

She took her shirt off, she flung it to the floor and it made a wet smack. Still rather moist from swimming earlier, but the water only made her skin glisten more. She pressed her body against me and pressed her lips deep against mine. The moisture still contained in her bikini top made my chest cold, but then warm as she pressed her body against mine harder and harder. I started to unbutton her jean shorts, with a matching green bikini bottom showing through, both through holes rubbed off, and the strings being higher on her waist than the top of the shorts. I have to slide it off, bringing my hands down her ass and thighs.

She stops to say, "No fucking me today, ok?" She waits for a second for me to nod yes. But only for a moment before she grabs my head and continues her ravaging of my tongue with her's. She holds me tight, not wanting to let go, never wanting to let go. But I want something else. I grab hold of her neck, firmly, yet gently. No where near enough to cut of circulation or airflow, but enough to make it seem like I could. She brings her hands to mine, in some attempt to maybe escape. The look in her eyes proves to me that she is mine. Submissive to me and always will be. A cold sneer crosses my lips. I throw her onto my bed. She lands gently and looks up to see me climbing on top of her. Still that sneer on my face.

I took her legs and spread them, laying half on her with our crotches pushed together. We kiss again. I hold her head up and pull at the strings holding the bikini up then pull them down to reveal the soft mounds of her breasts. How much she's worked on her tan is obvious now. Gently, I squeeze and rub her white breasts, watching her as she enjoys her tits being molested. My mouth keeps her occupied, while my hands travel farther south. Rubbing her bikini and finding the top of her slit, she moans when I start off with her clitoris. Moving up and down and making her eyes go into far off places. Another hand makes a move towards her hip, finding the knots of her string bikini then gently pull. Full contact is possible now. Her breath is heavy and small moans become more and more common.

I take off my shirt and start to take off my pants, but she takes this time when I'm distracted to her advantage. She flips me over and climbs on top of me. Her crotch hovers above mine, and she bends over to kiss me more. Her legs are open just enough for me to reach my hand through, which I do so. I start masturbating under her, sometimes hitting up against her crotch. "That better be your fingers," she says. I reply, "I'm defiantly using my hands down here." Using my own cock I rub against her, not putting anything in, but teasing both of us quite nicely. This goes on for a while, with her pecking at my lips, and me rubbing against her lips. I can tell she likes my hand down there doing what it does. "How much do you want to fuck me?" she says, leaning back and onto my cock a little more. She really wants it, but she doesn't want to admit it. "I have half a mind to turn you over and take you right now." She looks down and moans a little before saying "Do it." I grab her right leg and swing it off of me, I climb on top of her and swing her legs back. I look her straight in the eye as I aim my cock and take the first plunge.

A deep intake of breath means that she has a new rush of feeling down there, I'm not all to sure if it's good or bad. I can tell she wants more, but she's in pain as well. I start moving in slowly in and out, she both pulls her body up and pushes towards me. I'm not all to sure if she wants more, or wants me out. I start moving faster and she decides. "It hurts," she pulls away and I fall out. "You got to stick with this, it's going to hurt your first time." I say to her. She nods, I take a finger and stick it in her, teasing her with it. It defiantly makes her more accepting when I stick it back in her. Now her moans are only of pleasure. I'm still going rather slow. Taking my time going in and out of her body. I'm still not all to sure if she is loosened up enough.

I go slightly faster, and then I hear the sigh that I know that she's enjoying it. "Harder." I let myself loose. I start to pound on her with my crotch. I start to feel the full depth of her wet moist cunt. It's all she can do to hold back from screaming in absolute pleasure. Her head rolls backwards and she lets her body do the work of giving her pleasure. She moves with me, making me hit her spot so much easier. With every stoke, she and I both get closer to ultimate pleasure. So close, our bodies pounding in time. The bed shakes and short sweet moans come out of her. My own mouth and my own body begin to betray me as I go over the edge. Deep grunts and unrelenting pounding happen as I get oh so close to the edge. I cum. And she isn't doing anything but looking at the ceiling with a smile on her face.

New computer troubles...

2010-06-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

I got a new computer, a brand new right out of the fucking box took the protective film off of it myself new computer.

It's got a lot of problems. Most of which, I fixed right off the bat. To name a few, it came with both MacCaffe and Norton Antivirus software. Now, these are good programs that do their jobs with excellence, but they are not for me. I remember one of the last times I dealt with Norton, it advised that you buy the professional version insted of keep the free one. They even had a little table of the diffrenced between the two. One of the more notable things on this table was that both free and paid versions detect viruses, but only the pay for version had the little checkmark that says "Removes virus". I had to deal with a program that I forget the name of, but it's probably good that I have, but I remeber the type of program it was. Ransomware. Basically, it locked you out of your computer till you paid fifty bucks. It kept you from opening any program except for internet explorer, and it had a proxy rediret there that made it only go to there site. Where you had to pay to get the full version of the program where it would remove all these viruses it was finding and let you have your computer back. I looked it up, and they made the viruses up. It wasn't good for shit, and because Norton reminded me a lot of that program, I now think Norton is shit. So I uninstalled Norton and installed Avast before even connecting it to the internet.

Then a whole merryaid of programs came next since I was connected to the internet. CCleaner VLC, foobar2000, uTorrent, Rainmeter, WinRAR, YoWindow, Trillian, and VirtuaWin. Skype was already on here and was one of the few programs I deceded to keep. Also got Irfanview as pretty much a copy of the basic file viewer of XP, which I'm upgrading from, since the standard Windows 7 one sucks. Have to press three buttons to get the actual size and can't even play gifs. I don't care that you can play video files, that why you come with windows media player, which also sucks so I replaced it with foobar2000.

Also got the new version of firefox. 3.6.something. Big leap since my old computer only had 3.0.3. So I get the new firefox, try installing all my old add-ons and we start running into problems. I had to go into the comments of one of the add-ons to find a version that works since it's creator apparently just forgot about it. Another thing is that I couldn't get the SaveSession add-on to work. I tried two diffrent add-on and reinstalling them half a dozen times, but it wouldn't work. I eventually looked up why this is, and apparently it was because I didn't have the history being saved. At all. So when ever I closed it, it was lost to the sands of time. I went over to my old computer and looked at my old version of firefox, and found that the history was never saved and the SaveSession add on worked very well. Even though I love mozilla and everything they do, I wanted to punch them in the face. So I quickly downgraded to version 3.0.10 to keep my SaveSession, and not keep my history. It's kinda funny how big they can advertize how much they want you to have the newest version of Firefox. Even with all it's features, I still don't want it.

Oh yea, and I'm fucking a fourteen year old girl. Just thought you ought to know. I'll probably make a post about that tommorow.

Poolside Fun

2010-06-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

Just got done making out with a girl for at least half an hour. It was awesome.

Today we had a pool party, nothing special really. We have one every Tuesday and I always get my group of friends to come over to the community pool for a few hours and party it up. It was actually rather good this time, I brought a bunch of cans of soda that were left over from my last party, some other kid brought two Rockstars, and another emptied out his cupboard of snack food to us.

Then all but me and one other kid left. I live about a fifth of a mile away from the pool, so I didn't need to go anywhere fast. There was also two other girls there, one I've met by my ex's parents were friends with her parents, and the other was her cousin. Let's call the one I already know J, now I'm pretty sure J has always had a crush on me, we tend to poke fun at each other a lot.

We were talking and poking fun at each other, then she asks me "Hey, why isn't your girlfriend here?"

I say, "She's not my girlfriend anymore."

"Oh, so you're single now?"

"Yea, what are you going to do about it?"

Then she's under me and gets right up to my mouth with her mouth. We start making out. Then she steals a plastic inflatable whale from me. We're half making out, half chasing each other for the whale. Then we start to not care about the whale so much and just start making out. I feel lucky that all the people there were there, my friend that stayed there a little longer than she was suppose to talked to J's cousin and they kept each other entertained. For half an hour while me and J were making out. Then we went behind a shed and made out some more and I felt her tits. It ended with her cousin begging them to leave because she might not be allowed to stay the night.

But I got her phone number and we're going to meet up Thursday. Probably for sex.

Gothic Candy

2010-06-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

I have a date in about an hour. Kinda scared.

About a week ago, a girl sent a picture to me on facebook. It was a close up of her tits. She was in a bra and an open jacket, but still an obvious picture of the goods. This was a new experience. I've never had a girl so obviously come on to me. I can't really remember the last time a girl did come on to me, so that was kinda new too.

I wouldn't say the girl is a slut, but she is the type to cycle through boyfriends like millionaires go through cars. And from what she says, she hasn't fucked to many guys. But I'm still going to keep my emotional distance.

Mostly going for her because I want some. We're seeing Splice, should be interesting.

I am not a crook

2010-05-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

I just started making my own magic card. I am into that sort of thing, but all the cards I have now seem to be a bit underpowered. I want my own cards. My own creatures and enchantments. None of this pay 4 dollars and you'll get one good card that you may or may not be able to use.

There isn't any guide to this though. So I had to make it myself.

First off, I created the card I want. I tried not to make it overtly powerful, so it seems more believable, but still would be a killer addition to any deck.

Steal the Sky 5U

Enchantment, Rare

If Steal the Sky has any charge counters on it, you cannot win the game and your opponents cannot lose the game.

Put a charge counter on Steal the Sky, add one of any mana to your mana pool. You may play this ability as an instant and as many times as needed to.

1: Remove a charge counter from Steal the Sky

You can borrow from the gods, but be prepared to pay them back.

So with this card here, we have a practically unlimited mana pool and an exchanging system to instantly get any color mana. The draw backs are obvious, you don't want to get to far in the hole because you could never dig yourself out in time to have your opponent in the hole but you still be in the positive. Even still, it should cost more than six mana. I actually got this idea in one of my government classes. Yay deficit spending.

So on to the actual chea- making part. First, I took a dremel bit to one of my mountains that I have five copies of the exact same mountain of. I made it nice and clean, a white canvas to paint on. Then I took a while and made about ten different prints onto a peice of photo paper trying to get the size and positioning right. I finally figured it out by pasting the JPEG into Microsoft word and making the sideways deminiton exactly 2.5 inches, the size of a regulation magic card. Then I just taped the card directly onto the paper, exactly over the other one. It took me a bit of thinking to come up with that. If you don't have a crappy printer, you should have trouble with it jamming. And I pressed print, and Walla!

Honestly, its not to good. My printer is a peice of crap and the card looks like shit. It bleed freaking everywhere and the thing some how managed to smear it up. The card is noticably lighter and lets a lot more light through it. And the texture the dremel tool left is nothing near the glossy paper feel of every other card.

It's shit, but its a start and I'm proud.

De-Friend

2010-05-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

My Ex defriended me on facebook.

I don't really know why I am making a big deal about this, or why it's important at all, but I'm still going to rant on about it. I mean, all I did to her is made her feel worthless every time we met, then I impregnated her, and she found out she was pregnant by, in her own words, having a body of a dead child pushed out of her. I'm not such a bad guy, I'm just a little unlucky.

I should have seen this coming, right now for all I care, she could just go jack off with her invisible cock.

Opposite Gender Day

2010-05-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

My Emotions are a fucking roller coaster.

That felt good.

2010-05-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

Holy shit P90X is a fucking killer, first day seems fun!

I am trying to be healthier in my life, exercise more, do more for my body and for my life.

But right now I feel like shit again. Why? My fucking ex.

This text was sent to me at about 8 pm.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU. I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY YOU COULD LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO EXPEL THE REMAINS OF A DEAD CHILD FROM YOUR BODY. I HOPE THIS HAUNTS YOU TILL THE DAY YOU DIE."

Ain't she just lovely? The main mental part of me is going "So, what the fuck do I care? I'm done with that whore and I don't need her love or attention at all." Then there's that other little emotional part of me that kinda goes "You really hurt her, you aren't nice at all." I fucking hate emotions sometime. I know that it wouldn't work out, I know that she's changed so much from what she was the only way I could hold on to her is if I tied her down and did a bit of reprogramming.

I finally realized this the other day when she called my that she miscarried. She didn't even know she was pregnant so it doesn't make to much sence that she was any bit attached to it, but you know, Women. I finally realized that I probably shouldn't be with her at all. I finally realized that being with her was a bad thing to do and would probably lead to my feelings getting crushed more and more. I realized that I was free of her. Free of her repressive control of my own mental crushing of thinking about her constantly of wanting to be with her all the time of being such a goddamn dependent pussy.

But then she sends that, and I'm back in that mood of thinking about her, what I could to to make ammends. At the way she sounded, probably time would be the best thing. Like ten or twenty years, maybe more. And I am starting to rebound a little bit, starting to get thoes loose feelings that I got back when I was single and had no friends or people to be around with for days on end. I yearn for a loving touch or good fuck. If I was certain that was all she wanted, I might even take some from my ex. Probably not 'cuz she a bitch.

No one can make me feel more like shit than that girl.

2010-04-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, let me get a breakdown over what's happened over the last few weeks.

1. My girlfriend broke up with me, citing that things like I want way to much sex and I still see her as a girl even though she is trying to transition. I was devastated, broken and I would do anything to get her back.

2. In a few days, I became ok with it. She was just another lost one that didn't know what she was missing. We talked, agreed to be friends, and that seemed to be that.

3. About a week later, we had sex. That nasty little thing that broke us up, was the same thing that we did that night. At the time, she was horny as fuck and too horny for her own good.

4. We talked online. I don't want to go into too much detail. When she woke up the next morning, she was pissed. I took advantage of her, I wasn't a good friend, I was this, I was that. She was not happy. Then I said one thing that made me seem like a complete douche.

Fuck man, she said it made me seem like I just pulled a Zapp Brannigan on her. I like her a lot and I got to the point where I want to keep being a friend. But I think I might have fuck that up. And I don't like it at all. I was ok with not being in a relationship, I was ok with no sex, I don't think I'm ok with loseing a friend though. Sex is complicated, and fucks shit up.

I wanna go cry now, or at least slit my wrists.

This is bad.

2010-04-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

This is bad this is bad this is bad...

I think my girl/boyfriend might have just broken up with me. That's probably what just happened. Herrrrrrrrr fuck.

Over text she started saying that the last few times we've been together, "I leave you feeling worse than when I come to you more and more lately."

And it goes down hill from there, "I don't think being in a relationship of any kind is going to help that right now."

After that it was just kinda "Can we still be friends?" and then she accused me of being a peice of shit of something that she took totally the wrong way. I reply "I didn't mean it like that" and she kinda goes "well whatever talk to you later".

I might be able to still date her, cuz she said she would talk to me on saturday. Right up some romantic crap, hopefully we could still be friends at least. Hopefully I can get her back.

Ups and Downs

2010-03-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

My GF/BF just came and went through a cycle of high/low, and I wish I took more advantage of it.

At that little ren faire she was helping with, there were a few guys hanging around a campfire and having beer, she joined in and explained that she wanted to be a he. All these drunk guys went "You're a dude in our books", and that made her happy. Ecstatically happy. Happy enough that I got to fuck her in her vagina. I know the concept of "feeling manly makes the thought of putting a penis in my cooch easier" doesn't make too much sense. But whatever I rolled with it. I tried to make her feel manly, and loved all the sex I got for it. Life was good and I didn't feel the need to blog my issues.

Then last Thursday, we got this crazy idea to dress her up like a girl and do a photo shoot. Even though she looks a heck of a lot like a boy most of the time, when she flaunts off her figure, she's got something fierce. Which may have led to her downfall. I got turned on by this hot chick in front of me, and she got reminded that her body isn't what she wants it to be at all. So there was a night of good sex. Then there was a morning of O.K. sex. Then there was the last few days of feeling no where near what she was a week ago.

When she's not happy, I'm not happy. Partly because my crotch soldier can't get happy. And I want to help, I do, it's just that my damn hormones keep getting in the way of being a loving individual instead of just a horny fuck.

Also I have another issue. She is 8 days late on her period. I keep bringing that up in my mind and thinking "Oh Fuck, she preggers, mother is going to kill me." Then again she has also told me that she hasn't really been keeping track of her periods until last January. Now I don't know Vaginas too well, but I think that I don't think I could tell how long my cycle is in just two months, so I'm feeling a little better. But still there is that thought in my head of "I'm going to have a little baby boy. Then my mother is going to nail her baby boy to the wall."

Notes of a True Scotsman

2010-03-13T21:50:00.000-08:00

I had a weird thought cross my mind this morning. "Why do I need underwear today?" Its something I've been thinking about for a while, in the modern society, we do not need undergarments as much as those who live before toilet paper. Heck, I'm seeing my GF today, one more layer between me and her cooch might be a bad thing.

So, I woke up early, took a shower, got together some shit, and went down to see my girlfriend. Where was my girlfriend was and has been for the past few days is this local yearly renn fair. I had a few blankets for her so I got in thirty minuets early holding just one load saying "Deliveries" to the guy at the front gate. Other than that, I bummed around for a while, looking at all the shit that people brought to sell. Everything from smocks to swords, and some more. After she got off her shift that pretty much earned her a free ticket in, we went around looking at all the clothes.

She convinced me to buy a kilt. I admit, its cool. By that I mean, the breeze that goes up there. After I buy it, we both go into this single stall, mens bathroom. She had convincing enought facial hair, that was once mine. yay latex glue Anyway, I put the kilt on and take my pants off underneath. Then I remember that I didn't have any underwhere that day. And my girlfriend has my pants and are not agreeing to give them back. What a bitch.

The rest of the day I was nervous, just that one little breeze that would send my thin kilt up enough to show my ass off to a little girl that has a father that will beat my ass and mother that will get me permantly on a Sex Offender list. I have normal worries. But it was late in the day, and soon enough, we went back to her tent. And fucked hard. In kilts. Awesome.

Manty trouble

2010-02-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

I like little social experiments, changing little things about yourself to see if anyone notices. No one has however. Shave one arm, nothing. Dye beard purple, no one notices until halfway through the day. Mostly because, as it turns out, hair dye doesn't always make your hair the color you want it to. It just turned it a little red. kinda makes me look Irish.

Anyways, I mostly came up here to tell you about my new experiment, mantyhose. We got this weird thing in our school where you dress up to show school spirit on the indicated days. Monday is Jean Jacket day, Tuesday is Camo day Wednesday is Ugly Sweater day and there's some more days in the week but whatever. The important bit is Camo day, I have a pair of camoflauge pantyhose. And women, are your ankles the same size as your thighs, because apparently who ever makes the camo tights I have thinks that women are built like that. One size fits all my ass.

I always just blog about my problems, I need to explain how good I have it some time.

2010-02-25T20:30:00.001-08:00

My girlfriend is probably off fucking some other guy right now. By fucking I mean that she's the one with the strap on and he's bent over.

I don't quite know how much this bothers me. I know, I know, I don't know what I know actually. I want to say I'm fine with it, in some respects I am. I'm decently sure that she's not going to run off with him. But its this thing that she can't get everything she needs from me anymore. She needs to feel like a he, she needs to feel manly. She wants to be my bottom, she wants to be my thing to fuck, but she can't, not without turning into a useless pile of emotionally unstable mush.

She also convinced that whenever she fucks me, that I get emotionally torn up as she does inside. Which isn't true, I kinda like it. Actually, I like it a lot.

Between a choice of nothing at all or getting fucked, I would defiantly choose the latter, if nothing else but to be with her/him/whatever that thing I love is.

Whryyyyyyyyyyyy

2010-02-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

Fucking hate my life right now.

Not that's its been a particularly bad day, it's just has ended in a way that I do not want happening. Lately my girlfriend, and I say girlfriend here just because I'm use to her being my girlfriend, has been hanging out with her best friend a lot. Not that that's bad, she should have a life. But her best friend use to have a boyfriend and use to be going to home school. Which is just doing homework a lot. But there is an important bit there of "use to". Now she doesn't, now they can hang out all the freaking time. Which is kinda digging into my sex life. Which really pissing me off.

And me and her and everyone we know is kinda joining in of No Fap Feburary, this has not been as fun as a month as I thought it would be. and it's only a week into it.

Clods explain relationships.

2010-01-26T22:42:00.000-08:00

You know what my relationship is right now, to explain it to you best, I got to use a metaphor.

Relationships in general is like being a young guy working at an up-scale restaurant, OK? You generally have two choices, working as a waiter, or working valet. They're not really that different of jobs, you can both run into crappy customers, you get about the same pay and you can get good tips if you are nice. Then there are some other people who want to go higher and be a chef, but let's not talk about them.

Most guys would say, "I wanna be a waiter", for one or more of a variety of reasons. They would want just the pleasure of working with the food all the time. The might not ever want to be a valet guy, they like cars, don't get them wrong, but for something serious, they wanna serve food. It's just what their parents and the rest of society would prefer them to do.

Some guys would say, "Yea, bring on the cars," cuz they're just like that. They might tell about how serving food to people can be a pain and not fun at all, just not worth the time. That cars can more easily speak their language then a bitchy customer that expects you to know what they want. Sometimes, they might want to stay with a car and be recognized as being together for the rest of their life, but that's not legally possible in most states just yet.

Then you get some guys who wouldn't mind either one that came their way, they are just cool like that. The situation I'm in now is when I was in some job waiting tables, I liked my job, nice benefits, easy hours. Then one day, my boss, who is apparently the creator of all of us who I'm getting more and more sure each day is myself, came up and said to me, "You, you're going to go valet now. Got it?" Most men at this point would say, "No way, fuck that, fuck you, I'm outta here." But I'm not most guys, what I said was "What's the worst that can happen."

Lighting, fuck yea!

2010-01-22T22:48:00.001-08:00

I hate going green.

I mean, some bits, I like the idea of saving the earth and all that, but the small earth saving tips seem really bad. Mostly the light bulbs, I do not like floresent lightbulbs, they take forever to warm up. When I turn on a lightbulb, I want light, not to wait for a while, then be able to see whatever it is I'm doing.

Then I thought I would go one step further, LED bulbs. They hurt my eyes. I don't know what it is about them, but the wavelength of light does not agree with my eyes at all, so they're fucking useless.

Looks like I'm going to go with the incandescent lighting for now. Oh well, fuck the planet. And Al Gore.

A beginners guide to psychic shielding.

2010-01-16T23:33:00.000-08:00

First day with my energy vamp girl/boyfriend was a good one. I manage to keep my shield up most of the time and didn't feel tired at all when she left. That's not too interesting. What is interesting is how much I've learned about psychic shielding in such a short time. God, I love the internet.

Basically, what I've learned is that energy vamps take energy, life force or prana pretty naturally. They don't mean to do it, well most of them, they just survive better with it. Kinda like if you don't eat anything for a week, you survive, yes, but you're not feeling to hot. They take it from whoever they can, sometimes more active people that can handle the downtime, sometimes from crowds, sometimes from lovers in the heat of the act. But that's where you come in. You are food. Not the type that you fry up, but more like if you took steak from a cow strand by strand.

If you aren't properly shielded and you meet up with a psy vamp that's licking their lips, you can often walk away feeling tired, grumpy and ready to turn in for the night even thought it's ten in the morning. "What is this magical shielding technique, oh wise and powerful master?" you ask? Well, its quite simple and you can probably just google it, so I'm not going to waste my time with it here. But I will tell you what I've done with it.

One of the first things I did is add incantations for the basic techniques. Imagining a bright light pushing out the bad things in my body comes following the words, "Penitus lux lucis." Roughly translated into Latin it means, "inner light." Now none of the websites I visited mentioned a need for incantations, or any incantations at all. I find them useful as a kind of break between when I'm dozing off with my shield and when I put it up or reamp it. A point between here and there. I got a little shitty online latin translator to do the trick, it probably isn't what it really means in latin, but it's the thought that counts. I also have similar things for other types of shields, like fire.

Also a thing I've done with fire, I was kinda fucking with my shield, kinda fucking with psyballs. I made a shield out of fire, basic bright red spiritual fire. Then I added another layer of the shield, a red glass egg surrounding me. Then I did that inner light trick. For some reason, the Fire was still going strong without having a base or anyway to escape. This was actually causing a lot of pressure. I thought I would just go with it and see if I could do something with it, I pull it all off my body and make it float in front of me. A shield with a strong fire inside and white pure light inside that. I tried to squeeze it down. I tried to squeeze it down as far as I can, I don't really know what I was trying to do, maybe make a diamond. That would be interesting, not something to try on the first day though. It gave me a headache, a massive headache, but hey, I now I know that there maybe is something more to this besides just visualization, maybe it's something more physical.

I'm tired of these motherfucking energy vampires!

2010-01-14T20:27:00.000-08:00

I just kinda figured out something. My Boy/girlfriend is an energy vampire.

Well I kinda already knew, because she told me way back when. Then again that was also a time where she still had the whole multiple personalities going on and she has gotten a lot more normal since then. I thought that was kind of just a phase. Apparently not.

Recently, I've always been tired after messing with her for a while. At first, I attributed this to the long amounts of full-force fucking that went on with her. Then there were times when I got tired before anything naughty began. I thought that maybe that my body was tired because it knew if it became tired, I would go to bed, bringing her with me. Then sex was sure to follow.

Then I got on to an otherkin site, never a good idea. I read some things about vampires and for a second I thought I was one, that was mostly because I like to bite things, but I seem to be much closer to a fairy. I know I'm something immortal and I've never really seen things about old fairies. Or male fairies for that matter, but anyway. There were some things on physic vampires, how they made you feel tired. I kind of went "Oh shit, that's it, isn't it?"

I need to practice my shielding techniques.

Avatar in 3-D wasn't as good as just 2-D

2010-01-05T23:51:00.000-08:00

Action movies suck. I mean they really suck. They have no originality any more. I just saw avatar, and admittedly, that was the first in maybe a new type of sci-fi, but there were half a dozen trailers before it, and I had a bit of trouble telling one from another.

Here is three movies coming out soon.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Yes an original story, with all the gods and monsters of ancient Greece to back them up.
Sherlock Homes: Not only is Robert Downy Jr. an action version of the famed character, he is also crazy.
Clash of the Titans: A remake, I could not tell anything about the plot except that there's a god-damm Kracken in it.
Honorable mentions: Jurassic Park 4, Iron Man 2, Harry Potter 7

It seems like nothing anymore has an ounce of imagination. And it seems like it is all about high-octane, quick paced action. Not about any whim of plot. Our society has become this mass of ADD children looking at the next thing that will blow up.

Laptop Makeouts

2009-12-26T00:05:00.000-08:00

I made out with my laptop today. Only a little bit, and kinda on accident.

For the past few days, I've been feeling down. I haven't quiet left my girlfriend yet, but she seems to know that we can't last either. Mostly because she wants more dominate sex than I would let her have. But we are going to go on a trip soon enough, and since there is already about 250 dollars going into it, it is beyond the "Cancel for any reason" stage.

Emotions are like trains, they never stop, or at least they don't stop to easy. I have been feeling all this extra love that is in my system, but I don't have anywhere to let it go. No one to snuggle, no one to kiss softly, no one to climb on top of and make scream like I am so use to doing. When this love doesn't get let out properly, it keeps inside and rots. It rots into hate for the world, it rots into self-loathing. Until you finally get tired of it and start to give yourself flesh wounds. I think I just need to lose some bodily fluid to keep sane. Weather it be cum, sweat, tears or blood.

Anyways, I was playing The Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, on an emulator I have for my computer. I was about halfway through a day when it popped up with an error and shut down on me. It has done this several times when I was playing Orcrania of Time, but this was the first time with Majora's Mask. Looking at the clock and seeing that it was about 2:49 am, I decided to call it a day. I shut down my computer and fold it shut. I lean my tired head against it for a while and start to speak to it softly. "I know that you're getting old, I know that you're not doing to well so much. I admit, I have been looking at other laptops and others things to replace you, but you'll always be my first, and I will always love you for that." I kiss it softly on its cover, it has such a soft cover, I kiss it again, I open my lips and kiss it a bit harder...

Then I slap myself awake a little bit. I mean I love my laptop yea, but not like that. That is almost exactly what I would say to my girlfriend if I wanted to break up with her. One part of my mind is going, "dude, break it off now, you'll be better off, you don't need her, you don't need this shit." and the other part is going "I WANT SNUGGLES!!!!". Silly as it is, that part generally makes more sence.

Guy crush

2009-12-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

I have to wonder what the line is. Who you can date, who you can love. Heck, I'm not even to sure if guys are on my "O.K. to date" list.

I had a family get together this weekend. Everyone went up to a cabin my aunt rented and we had pizza, salad, and some huge muffins. Also this is the first time that Jason, my cousin, has been up in a while. I don't know why, but I almost fell in love. He tall and slighly works out and has long hair that he tied behind his back and he has this little gottee and mustach combo and he talks about all these awesome things and I think he said he was an aquatic body massauger and I have no idea what that is but its awesome and he had this jacket that had bellbottom arms that looked awesome and he had this fly pair of pants and I looked them up online and they were two hundred and twenty dollers so I don't think I'm going to get them anytime soon but they looked really awesome and I want his children, I just looked up what aquatic body massuage is and it is freaking awesome, Jason works in a pool half naked all day long making people feel good, oh god I want him to touch meeeeeee!!!

But he is my cousin, so that's kinda weird. I don't know actually. I've never really been attracted to a family member before. Save for thoes weird dreams about my mother having a horse cock and forcing me to dress up in french maid clothes and clean a redicuacly huge house that I've never seen before. Lets not talk about that. I have had a dream where I made out with a sister that I don't have, but I think that is a little diffrent. As long as their they same age, I think incest could be ok, like brother sister stuff. Or kissing cousins, which I kinda want to be right now. I think if I had a sister, and she was rather hot and my age, that I would make a pass at her. But I don't have a sister, so I don't really know.

Family is weird, I don't need to be adding weird relationships to the center of it. It be a bit like having two close friends of yours start to go out, it would be a little weird to see them make out on the couch. And if they ever broke up, you would have to choose a side. In family its worse, because if you did break up, they're blood, so you can't choose a side. And if you don't break up, you mother would want grandchildren, even if they come out with horrible diseases. She would still think they're cute.

Transhuman Necrophille

2009-12-09T21:43:00.000-08:00

I feel like an immortal, I feel like nothing can dent me forever. Why? I got a new shirt, kinda looks like the shirt Brad Pitt wore in "Interview with a Vampire". And I look damn sexy in it. But it made me realize that I am an immortal. Think of it like furries knowing that they are really a wolf. I don't think I have to drink blood, and I don't think that I have to ever die.

I think it is more of a realization. I've always been interested in living longer than your average human, always been a transhumanist. And I never really thought I was an average human. I think now I really will change my life for the better. Live healthier and exercise and stop eating crap and just be good to myself. How else am I going to live forever?

In other news I finally figured out my feelings about my girlfriend. I figured out that I can still love her, but only when I think of her as a girl. If she ever found my blog and saw that I'm using the wrong pronoun, she would be pissed. After she came out, I denied that to myself. It took me three months to realize that she will eventually become completely male, or die trying. I'm am not sure if I can ever have a serious relationship with a guy. The only reason that I'm with her now is that I consider Tommy a girl in my head. I've been loving a dead girl, I think it is time to move on.

Fin

2009-11-30T23:15:00.000-08:00

I just finished nanowrimo. And when I say finish, I mean all 50,000 words finished.

But I don't know if it was really worth it. In my mind, I had this awesome story, quick fight scenes, and sexy girls. But on paper, it is nothing near what I had in my mind. The very act of trying to transfer it from my brain to a word document made it watered down to a point that I don't know weather or not that it is the same thing. I know that at this point that I am not a very good writer, and that I need to practice just like my guitar and my drawings and my not having my knees give out when I try to pick up a girl. All things that could be worked on and improved rather than play Zelda on a computer emulation of a Nintendo 64.

There is a lot better things I could be doing with my life and I want to change that.

On another note. I recently came out to my girl/boyfriend that I am not really digging the transition as much as she thought. Even now I want to call "Tommy" a girl. She is turning into a guy and some of the stuff that she talks about with such great love, like growing a mustache or chopping off her hair, just frighten me. I know that she is changing from once she once was and that it scares me that she might turn into something that I have trouble loving. I want her to stay the way they are because I like i that way.

As much as the though of her transition scares me, I realized that the thought of me being without her is much more scary.

Clean Streak

2009-11-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

Ding dong.

"Oh hello, you must be the cleaner." The little old lady opened the door slowly, looking at the strange man in his dark jumpsuit.

"Hello mam, you called about the mess?" says the cleaner, he tips his cap to the old broad.

"Why yes, its just down the stairs." She motions he to come in and starts to go towards the basement. "Normally I keep this place so clean, but lately I just don't know what happened."

"Don't worry mam, we get a lot of cases like this." The cleaner starts off, "Can you tell me what happened when it started?"

"Why yes, one day I came home with this little electronic device that my grandson bought for me. It does all these neat little beeps and whistles, and it even tells you the time! But oh lordy me, I just didn't know what to do with it. So I just set it on the counter there. I guess I put something else on the counter right next to it and it just started to pile up and up." The old lady tries to sound as innocent as she can.

"That's perfectly normal, we can take all this stuff and put it right back where it belongs, ok?" The man takes the little old lady down the stairs to clean that huge pile of crap.

This is kind of the scene that was playing out through my head when I was cleaning my room. I had to clean my room because my parents were kicked out of their place. I had to go through all the old stuff I had and decide what of it was good. What of it was crap. And what of it I could donate to some needy charity. Lots of old memories flying by. Lots of old memories flying into the trash too. Life sucks.

A response to yesterdays post.

2009-11-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!

K and T didn't do anything!!!!
I don't have to feel like a douch!!!!
Until next time they start hanging out again!!
fuck...

But nothing happened now!!!!

Woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Nano and Moral

2009-11-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

Fuckity fuck bitch cunt niggers.

I just found out why NaNoWriMo is an awesomely bad idea. Four days in and I can't get past 2,500 words. I just don't really know what to write. I tried to practice writing 1666 words a day and I did it quite well, I know the problem now, I just came up with one little senctence and ran with it till the end of the story. When I try to follow something, it feels to short, it feels to much like there should be more. Even if I can't figure out anything more to put in there.

Maybe I'm just not to good of a writer. I'll work on short stories first.

In other news, I'm having a major moral delimma. My girlfriend, I don't quite remember what I've called her here before but lets just say T. T has a friend named, for the purpose of I don't want anyone I know finding this shit, K. Now, K was the one I mentioned that was really annoying, and he's gay.

I kind of had a fling with him a few months back, one of thoes "Lets go camping, it will be away from anyone caring about us fucking." It was mostly for T and me. I did have a good time. And since there wasn't too much else to do, I hung out with K a lot. I eventually made a game called "Noes time, ass time." He's one of thoes people that are comfortable getting touched. So I touched his nose saying "Nose time!" then he would jump/fall back. We were on a inflatable mattress. Then since it was out there, I said "Ass time!" and grab his ass. Then he would jump up and sit up to protect his ass. "Nose time, ass time, nose time, ass time, lather, rinse, repeat." Eventually he got tired of jumping around and let me fondle his ass. It went from that to eventually me fucking him in the ass.

T got really pissed at this. She's been his friend for years and has always had a little bit of a crush on him. I come in and in a few hours I turn him into a fucking machine. I could almost instantly understand it as she not really being assertive enough. She thinks she's a nice guy. I'm the one that gets laid. I also had to explain this to her in such a way that didn't sound like "you suck".

Foward back to about three hours ago. I know they've been hanging out a lot together, I'm kinda cool with that. Mostly because I know he's gay and wouldn't really want to do something with a physical girl. Turns out I'm wrong. Today they are going to go out and shop for a strap on that K would be willing to take. He bottoms. I can't join because she wants to make head way with him before I get in the picture. Just like the tents, but backwards. And the problem is that I don't really want this to happen. We have an open relationship, I've been with several others. But this is the first time she has gone and found someone else and I don't like it. I should be going "Yea go ahead, you turn to go get some!" But I really don't want it to happen. Especially without me. I want to think I'm not selfish but just protective of my prize when I'm free to get more. But either way I'm either a selfish douch, or a sexist douch.

I hate when things bite you in the ass.

2009-11-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

Daylight Savings Time

A time where the clocks get set back an hour for a couple months, why? Helps with electricity bills. Makes the day last later, nobody wants to wake up with the sun at 4:11 on July 22. 5:11, little more reasonable.

It just shows us how much we time take for granted that we would change twice a year for something as small as monetary reasons.

Angry not friend rant

2009-11-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

Why am I the bad guy? Honestly, sorry about your precious gas. Sorry you had to come pick me up so I could leave you be. The truth is that I DO NOT hang out with people I do not like and your little friend there, the one with ADD and the superiority complex, I DO NOT like. I seriously do not understand why you hang out with him, he is annoying, loud, and never makes a lick of sence. More than that he promotes stupid internet videos that he thinks is cool. That's another one of my pet peeves. And you even agree with me that he is most of the time an annoying prick that is a total cocktease. And you still hang out with him.

That's one of the diffrences between us. You will put yourself in these situations that get you angry, get you pumped up with feelings that you got to bottle down. Then when we're alone, you let these feeling out in this stream of conciousness that I've heard a million times before. If you really like M and don't like her boyfriend that she hangs out with constantly, then don't hang out with M. It's as simple as that. If you do not like someone do not hang out with them. Sometimes the reward of their friendship and company is not worth the cost of dealing with that other person. If I were you, I would have dumped M a long time ago. You put up with people that you do need to for useless reasons and that's one of your weaker points.

You know B, that kid that I really hated and, thankfully, he moved away a year ago. He occationaly comes to some of the bigger parties and whenever I hear that he is coming to one, I seriously consider not going to that party. Whenever I do go to a party when he's there, I have to sourround myself with anyone else to protect myself from not punching him in the face.

So I'm sorry that I wasted your gas when you came and pick me up, only to go right back to my home, but I didn't think he would be with us. You are one of the most lovely and wonderful things in my life, but he's a douch. I am not the bad guy.

Now if you excuse me, I have to start my Nanowrimo and my first chaper is probably going to be pretty fucking angry.

Double your foreplay, call it eightplay!

2009-09-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

God, I hate all these women saying that "Men don't do any foreplay!" or "It's all about sex for them". Well you know what sister, I do a lot of foreplay, I'm just betting your idea and my idea of foreplay is completely different.

You know what, I've heard it said a lot of different times that a woman's biggest sex organ is her brain, and I highly believe that's true, unless you have breasts that are bigger than three pounds, but that's another story. And I think the mental aspect of sex, the imagining, the fantasies, the real interesting stuff that only comes out of the gutters, I think all of that is highly important. That's why I practice it all the time.

I'll see a girl sitting in the next desk and start thinking about how I would love to take her breasts in my hands and squeeze them for hours. Or I'll take a girl with rather bright lipstick and imagine those lips sucking something that ain't exactly made out of sugar. And maybe that girl who's sitting with her legs just a bit apart, and how I'd love to stick my fingers down there and make her scream in pleasure. And that's not even the half of it.

So you know when I have a girl say "You don't do enough foreplay." I respond "You want me to do more than eight hours a day? Come on, I think I'm being excessive."

My Girl/Boyfriend

2009-08-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

As I've said before, I have a girlfriend with multiple personality disorder. One of her favorite alters is one named Jack. Your normal big bad motorcycle madman. Right now she is integrating with him. For those a bit un-researched in the MPD or DID area, integration is when the two that have split off from each other come back together. Normally the original alter will pretty much stay the same. However, she has concluded that Jack was the original, the one who was born into that body. Now instead of the abuse causing the splits causing the gender dysphoria. Its the gender dysphoria causing the abuse causing the splits. K was there for Jack to protect him from the awful dreaded act of wearing skirts. Among other things. Doesn't make too much sence to me because Jack fits way too well into a stereotype and there have been stories told of him being born, more or less.

How does this fit into me you might ask? Well one of the first things my Girlfriend decided when she started integrating, is that she was a boy. And I'm really having trouble accepting that. When we got together, I was mostly in it for, well, sex at first. But I learned to love her. Important part there, "Her". Jack, who she considered downright necessary for him to get a release, was kinda a side bonus. He was this guy that would be way more intense and a real beast and all these other things I could list. They both brought these unique things to the relationship that together was fantastic. But things change. For the last month or two, Jack hasn't been out. And I've realized something. I like being a man, I like being in control and on top of things, like my women. I wanna be a man, I wanna have a girl that will want me, want to do my every whim. And yes, that seems a little sexist, but it's how everything worked out for the last 10,000 years. Why should this century be any different? What I don't want is a boy, and unfortunately in my girlfriend, that's all there is left.

And I gotta start calling her Calvin. I'm not sure if I can do that.

Thakwaash

2009-08-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

I just watched a movie, Mysterious Skin, decent movie, I recommend it. Makes Brokeback Mountain look like Dora the Explorer. But all the while when I'm watching it I'm thinking, I know that kid. That main character that's now turning tricks. Where do I know him from. Well thanks to the internet, I got the answer off of Wikipedia really quick. It's the same kid from Third Rock from the Sun. Easy enough. While I'm on wikipedia I'll look around a bit. So let's take a trip.

Mysterious Skin > Asexual > Androgyny > Bisexuality > Gay bar > Bar > Cantina > Mos Esily Cantina > List of Star Wars Races (P-T)

In this list of races

"An equine-humanoid species, the Thakwaash reside on the world of Thakwaa.

The entire Thakwaash race is afflicted with a form of dissociative identity disorder Each member possesses multiple 'minds'; each of these minds (and associated personalities) controlling a different skill or talent.

The most notable member of the Thakwaash race is Wraith Squadron pilot Hohass "Runt" Ekwesh."

Horse-People. Crazy Horse-People. In Star Wars, there is an entire planet of Crazy Horse-People. I kinda wanted to live in the Star Wars Galaxy. Now, not so much.

Thank you George Lucas.

Wishes

2009-08-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

"What would you wish for, anything at all. I would go for having the power to stop time so I could rape everything without anyone knowing.

That's impossible try for something a bit more realistic. Alright, how about one of my friends falling in love with me. Not to realistic, but at least possible.

She already has a boyfriend, and they're decently happy together, that would be a little selfish. And what are you talking about, you already got a girlfriend. My girlfriend would probably like to see me fuck someone else, so no problem there.

Alright so how about going for this other friend? Ok, sweet.

I wish she would fall in love with me."

The meteor shower was the other night, that was pretty much what went through my mind when I walked. I think I respect the first friend enough that I wouldn't fuck her. The second friend has really big tits. But the point is that I'm a normal human male and would turn down hot hot sex if I knew that it would cause pain to some one I- respect so much. Sometimes my mind does weird things to me.

Old Childhood Memories

2009-07-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

We all have old kiddy memories, the little things like dad letting you ride on an extra seat on his bike. Or Mom trying to teach you how to wipe. The memories from way old back, the type of memories that seem like they might not actually exist but the only reason you know they're real is because you've talked to your parents or siblings or neighbors and they help bring out the details you forgot. There are some memories that if you ask anyone they have no idea what you're talking about. I remember going out to the back woods and seeing a 4by4 trail but the only part I could see of it was this bit that climbed straing up for fifty feet then went straight back down. My mom says I'm full of shit. I also like to tell people that I remember my great-grandmother telling stories about living back in Alabama and my great-grandmother's grandma fooling around with some of the share-croppers/slaves/any-black-guy-in-the-south-at-that-time so I'm not really all white. My mom says I'm full of shit.

Then there are somethings I don't like to tell people. Like how I once was God.

There are a few select memories from way back. Like before I was bore back. Like before anyone was born back. At least I think. They are mainly memories about me just floating about. Going over forests and mountains and just stopping near a little waterfall. I stopped the water from coming down for a second while I adjusted a stone that hit the water too much. When the water started flowing again, it was much prettier. I felt satisfied and floated off. I know I use to know a lot more, but its faded a lot with age.

This is the first place I ever said any of that. I love anonymity.

Fuck watches.

2009-07-26T02:40:00.000-07:00

I have this amazing ability to stay up way past my bedtime. And there's nothing I can do about it. It really pisses, well everyone around me off cuz I act like I'm in a totally different time zone from them. Wake at noon, stall up till 4 in the morning, sometimes more. That wouldn't be so bad if I didn't really have to deal with people to get things like food and a roof over my head. The sad thing is that I do. Everyone expects me to get up at a reasonable hour. Why I ask.

The hours of the day are not really time. Enjoying your life is how time really passes.

My Religion Part 1

2009-07-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

I planned to introduce this series with some of my earilest thoughts on religon, moving up to what I think now. But I just thought of this about half a hour ago and need to right it down.

If God, saying there is single Abrahamic God with heaven/hell, all that, would let anyone down into hell, it must be because he does not like them. Why else would you let someone suffer an etirenity of torture? And why would you not like someone? Mainly because of their personality. It differs from your own and that leads to clashes and general dislike. God should be saying, "If I'm going to spend an eternity with these people, I should like them". So in order to be liked by God you must be like God. Basically what I'm saying is that anyone who plays god is bound to get into heaven, or something like that. I know I'm going to get in.

Either that, or god doesn't mind letting people go to hell because it's really a giant party. I know I'm going to get in.

...

Anyways, I have these pants with holes in the knees. High fashion, I know. But I was walking through my property and had to go down a hill that had thoes plants with thoes little burrs that stick to anything more or less. They got stuck on the inside of my pants, through the hole. I had to spend 5 minuets standing in the middle of nowhere getting them out. FML

Twitter me this, twitter me that

2009-07-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

I got a twitter today. Why? I don't know.

It seems even more useless than a blog, twittering. It's pretty much you life in less than a paragraph at a time. I think its so stupid the little things that you get to find out about everyone. I mean little things. But its just the little stuff that they want you to hear. Not anything to important or anything that could probably be used to destroy their life or make them sleep with you. Just little things.

I always like going into people's houses and looking through their stuff. It's never anything too important, but sometimes you'll find interesting stuff. Like a dildo. Or an old magazine about futuristic things in the 1980's. Or anal beads.

If you care about my tiny thoughts in daily doses, go to https://twitter.com/The_Crazy_God
Please.
I beg of you.
I need to know someone is out there listening to me.

From the depths of /d/

2009-07-14T01:50:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, my girlfriend got a mannequin. Little weird yes, but its has a reason. She's about to do a show where she'll dance with it. We come from the store where the little lady there let us borrow it for the show. All the way back to my place, I'm kinda flirting with it. Rubbing its breasts, caressing its neck, holding it close. I would make out with it if it had a head. It's kinda fun making my girlfriend jealous of a milky white carbon copy of some models torso. Now normally, my girlfriend isn't the jealous type, but I actually got her to take the dummy from my lap and toss it in the back seat.

When we finally get to my place, I ask if I could keep the mannequin with me for the night, she says, "Well since we don't have time to do anything tonight, I might as well give you her." she laughs a bit before adding, "I'll be here tomorrow so I can get the bottom of it ready." then she drives off into the distance.

So there I am in my room with nothing but a mannequin and some spare time. I wouldn't fuck this thing right? I don't need this, I got a good girlfriend and as well as a good high speed connection when shes gone. I hold it up for a closer look, its got no head, no arms, and about six inches of legs. Then again, its got good hips, a nice flat stomach. I couldn't say the same about my girlfriend. I really like the perky breasts that they put on this, it even has good nipples to suck.

Wait, why would I be doing this for some piece of plastic? I guess I just like sucking it- her nipples, gently licking her neck, rubbing its back and roaming down south to her firm ass. I really love it and just start rubbing her vulva, or what should be its vulva instead of a plastic non-gendered crotch. How could I fuck her now? Wait, her legs are spread just a little, and just little enough that it makes a tight fit for my erect cock, throbbing with want. it fits snuggly right up against her crotch. I can thrust ever so gently against her where I would know she would be quivering in pleasure, I thrust harder and harder. Moans fill the room. God this is good. I'm actually fucking a mannequin. And she feels way to good to be just plastic.

Ahh...

The doll seems to have just a bit extra white on it the next morning.

Blogging Galore!!!

2009-07-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

I just found my girlfriends blog. I don't think she would like that.

Little thing out of the way first, its not too interesting. Looks more like a throwaway blog I had a few times before actually sticking to one. The kind you make for a new years resolution, because you are so sure that your life is so interesting that you could make numerous posts about it. Then post on for two day and totally forget about until Labor Day.

It's got three posts, the first being a basic, I got MPD, deal with it. The second on is actually kinda funny, she either lets Jack post or just copypastes something saved of Jack's onto the blog. It explains the trouble he had with one of his friends, a girl who is a total tease. He rants on and on about being so close that it drove him mad and some of the other alters had to put him down and out for a few days. And what is one of his closing statements? "-I’m no emo pussy." Would most likely be funnier if you've been through all the hours of crying that I've put up through. And lastly a post about ghosts. She sees ghosts, the reason which often switches between "Oh god my crazy mind is trying to make me crazy" to "I'm connected with everything"

All that aside, there is kinda a moral dilemma going on. I know she doesn't want me to read it and I found it out by accident. So is it ok if I go through her personal blog without her permission? One one side, you have the possibility of finding out info that would help you in dealing with said person. And on the other side, I know I wouldn't want anyone I know reading this blog. Hi random people. Fuck you TGO. And almost above anything else, I try to avoid being a hypocrite. So if I don't want her to read my blog, I shouldn't read hers.

But I already did.

Oh well.

An Old Dawn

2009-06-25T00:12:00.000-07:00

I've heard a lot about my girlfriend's mother. She died when my GF was 12, but she had made her damage by then. It's thanks to her that my GF has Alters in her head that fuck with her life. From what I've been told, its worse than you can imagine, the things that were done. Horribleness. Monstrosities. Scars that will never fade.

Starts with a book thrown in anger. Her anger didn't stop. There were chains, there were cages, there was anal. I know there was anal because occasionally when I try that, she will start laughing and not stop for hours until someone else comes out and fronts for a few days.

This started when she was about six, maybe earlier, she doesn't like to talk about it. And now it won't ever stop. The scars and the cracks might not ever heal.

"This mailbox even gets mail for her occasionally. It takes me a second to remember who Dawn H. is on the letter."

"Dawn?" I ask.

"Yea," She replies. "That was my mom's name."

That's a pretty name. Dawn. Isn't it? Never is a name so hopeful, so full of light. It does not suit her. I've never seen so much hate directed at a single person, besides maybe Hitler. It would be nice if the world seemed to name everyone according to their personality. Then again, if that was the case. I know a lot of people who would be named Ass.

Productivity increase due to lack of sleep

2009-06-16T01:26:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so productive right now that I don't want to waste my time by blogging about my life.

Subtly fucking our children

2009-06-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

Alright, today I was walking around the apartments I live at, thinking about doing laundry. So I go down to the room to discover all the washers are taken up. Not wanting this to be a waste, I look around to see what I could grab, there's nothing but lint in the trash but there's a bag of clothes in on the "Take me" table. I leaf through it and it looks like I might like it so I take the bag into the apartment with me so I can try them on. Turns out, most of them are girl clothes. Why the fuck not, I try them on anyways.

Now, I'm a good sized guy, 5'10", ~200lb. Get your own meter/Kilo translation if you want it. In men's shirts, I normally wear a medium if I want something with a closer fit that makes me look sexy, or a large if I want something comfy. So, I pick up the first girls shirt, XL babydoll T, I'm thinking that its going to be big on me. Nope, fits perfectly, shows off my sexy(blah) figure. There is one XXL shirt in there so I figure I'll try that on. Barely any wiggle room, I wasn't really sure if this was a size up.

According to my findings, the corporate machine has one of the biggest pushes to make girls skinner that there is. Calling that extra ten pounds an extra dress size. With a normal guys shirt, you could probably gain twenty or thirty pounds and still fit fine. And its probably more than that. Guys tend to gain weight in different areas. I knew corporations make the biggest affect on girls lives when they come out with new fashions and last seasons stuff deserve to be trashed for all time, but this is news to me. Corporations also subtly make girls want to be thinner just so they can get that smaller shirt.

Kinda makes sense if you look at it from their point of view. Corporations do it to sell more better fitting shirts. I think I'm just pissed off that I'm an eXtra Large girl.

I'm fighting the internet, and its not on ForumWarz

2009-05-29T13:23:00.001-07:00

I am in a great battle, one that cannot be lost.

I am downloading something that has two seed at times where I'm lucky. Its more of a battle of attrition, I know I can win if I can keep my internet connected as much as possible, meaning the only time I have turned off my computer in the last few days is when my stupid internet company decided to quit on me.

It's like a dragon, huge fire-breathing dragon. This dragon is in a cave, a rather dangerous cave, with rather good treasures inside the cave. But the dragon will protect his treasures at all cost, not moving to eat or drink or even shit for fear the knight will come in and steal his gold. The knight outside the cave has a position to kill him if he comes out, and if the knight outside come in, he is so toasted. So both wait.

For hours.

For days.

Forever.

Or at least till there's another seed.

My Brother

2009-05-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

I don't have a brother, she has one though. It's not me, I think that guy is like halfway across state at some collage or a job or something. Anyway he moved out. But she has this thing of calling anyone who is a decently close friend of hers a sibling. So much so that she calls my girlfriend her sister, little weird with the incest going on.

I really hate her calling me brother.

I really really hate it.

Its not because I use to have a brother that I now have painful memories of, or that I don't like being compared to her brother. It's just that when ever I hear her call me "brother," what I hear is "I never want to fuck you," And that bothers me. After the first few times she said this, I started calling her "brother," she liked it and this is kinda a running joke between us now. I hate the fact that she liked that.

Now, I don't mind not ever getting to far with a girl, but this is kinda like rubbing it in. And girls tend to do that without noticing. They know a guy likes them, but they'll just tend to ignore it. Yes girls, in guy language, saying "Oh, your such a great friend," is more or less equal too slapping a fresh sunburn.

I got Dumped =P

2009-05-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

I got dumped by one of my girlfriends, I'm pretty sure I told you I had two girlfriends. I;m a bit too lazy to look back and see. So I think Ill explain the whole thing.

The first girlfriend I had, K, she's the one with the multiple personalties, got together with me either the end of October or the end of 2008, depending on how you look at it. She said it would be cool for me to get another girlfriend, and so I do.

At the Sadie Hawking Dance, I tended to dance with one girl, B, and I kinda figured out I really liked her, so I asked her out. She said yes. Then I spent the next ten minuets explaining how much of an idiot I felt like for not asking her earlier. The night ended well, I got a new girlfriend. Woo.

The getting a new girlfriend kinda went, well, normalish. I think. All my friends asked why I would date that 'guy', and all her friends ask what she could possibly see in me. Our friends didn't like each other too much. I didn't see her that much during school. Why should I? Can't do anything fun. I think that one of my problems, I feel much more comfortable while doing the naughty. I could see her a bit on the weekends, we fucked just once. It was ok, she was tight.

About two or three weeks aftwards, she broke up with me. Just a little phone call. "Hey, I don't think this is going to work out. I hope we can still be friends." "K, thanks" The whole phone call, twenty two seconds.

Not that we ever got that close but still kinda hurts. I trusted a girl enough to date her, and well that kinda stings now. Its not too often that I will seriously go for a girl, I tend to fear rejection. It just stings.

I think it was a bit of a mistake, I don't mean she was a bad girl, she could stay a bit more in reality and a bit less in her book. Whatever, I need to read more. I think my major mistake was dating someone so popular, I thought she was at the popularity level that she could be fucking hobos everynight for 7.50 a pop and no one would give a damm. We barely did anything and rumors were going around that we were fucking like rabbits every night. I fucking wish. That and one her best friends really really fucking hates me.

Lesson learned, don't date anyone.

Guitargasms

2009-04-30T06:46:00.001-07:00

I'm taking guitar lessons from a guy on my block. Its pretty cool, I got free lessons because I'm friends with his daughter. Me and his daughter fuck at almost every chance we get.

I don't think he knows that.

Bet anyways, every Tuesday night, I walk over to his place and learn to rock out. He is so good, Stevie Ray Vaughan would blush. He has about ten guitars, half a dozen amps, including one that's about 5 feet tall, and a wife that is apparently annoyed by that five foot tall amp and the noises it makes. He's done neat things, almost any song I named he could play, long as it was at least twenty years old, he pretty big into classical rock. He even got me into country. How? by making me play a really neat and fun country song. For Cinco de Mayo, he taught me flamingo by some guy I can't remember. Half the stuff he teaches, I can't quite remember. Probably more than half. But it's ok, I go back home and try to remember for hours on end rocking out on my guitar.

But the latest thing he taught me is "Old Man". You know the one. Why? Cause I don't know the guy, "old man, look at my life, I'm a lot like you were." That one. Basically, he starts off with the intro, just going at it, but instead of just the into, he mixes it up, adding about fifty different things to it that gust sound great. Moving it up a string, then down a few frets, then doing it with cords instead of plucking, then slowing it down with such emphasis on some notes, the whole house shakes with anticipation. Then speeding it back up, really speeding it back up, more cords, new frets, more strings thrown in. Then he does it, a twelfth harmonic.

Ahh.

A little moan comes out of my mouth before I knew it. He doesn't even look up from his guitar, he's just happy playing, I don't quite know if the smile on his face was there before the moan. I don't even know if he heard that, he so close to the amp. I think his daughter noticed though, she turns around from the computer and gives me one raised eyebrow before turning back to the random crappy site for funny gifs.

I just sit there quietly and try to not look to embarrassed.

Zombie attack on my brain

2009-04-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

Can't say too much is going on in my life right now, got two girlfriends, not sure if I mentioned that before or not, failing one class, besides that A's, B's, and a C, introducing a friend into the wonderful world of iDoser, the little program that makes your brainwaves go like they are on drugs, even though she has actually been on crack and vicodin. Also just got Breathers by S. G. Browne, fun book I do wish there were more movies and games that had an overall pro-zombie feel to them.

Note to self: Do Something

Lets go to the mall!

2009-03-22T00:58:00.000-07:00

I just got a new dildo, and I don't think I've ever been in love with something this inanimate before.

It was a gift for Jack, more or less. Something that he can strap-on and fuck me with. Not quiet exactally what he wanted, it's bright pink. But still, something to strap on and just hump away with. And since I won't really see him until Monday, I got it for the weekend. I already want to be fucked with it.

But the much more interesting part of the story is how we got it. We took, a day trip to Modesto, me and my girlfriend, my brother and her boyfriend. In case that last sentence confused you, I have this long running joke with one of my female friends that we call each other "Brother". Kinda started out when she said I was like a brother to her, this pissed me off because I do not like to be told I am unfuckable. So I called he brother back, she pick up on it, this pissed me off more. But anyways, me, my GF, my female friend, and her BF went on a day trip to Modesto, which was pretty much the closest place to get a dildo. All hail the mall. We we get into Modesto, we have a little accident, my GF, driving, didn't quite realize we were in the right turn lane. Results, a little paint damage to their car, and our left-side mirror is totally fucked up. And we have to wait an hour for the cops to show up and take a report while we are, and I'm not lying, half a block away from the mall.

The mall was normal, we walked past Hot Topic, we turned our heads towards the door, we see a life size picture of Edward, we keep on walking. We go to International Imports, we pick out a sweet dildo we think we have cash for, we count all out cash up, we're two bucks short. We remember a gift card, and then the machine says it's perfectly OK to buy a $30 item on a $25 non-reloadable gift card. After failing to convince the clerk that it's not her fault and it's ok to let us go because it said that the transaction went through, she checks it out and finds out we have seventy cents left. We pick out another, cheaper, dildo. We go to Cinabon and enjoy a snack. All is well.

Right before we are about to leave, we go to the bathroom, down this long hall. Now right next to the bathroom was a bunch of vending machines, and a photo booth. One of those old ones you use on vacations but they don't have any backgrounds, you know the type. But anyways, it's something to do while everyone I'm there with goes piss. I step inside and it moves, just a little, but enough to notice. I move my foot a bit and I can rock it back and forth. Interesting enough. So, one of my friends pop out of the bathroom and I show him, slightly interested. I mess around with it a bit more and this six-and-a-half-foot tall black mall cop say "Hey, knock that off," in a menacing black voice. I go, ok, ok, I'll be a good little boy. I watch the cop walk down the hall and turn away, completely out of site. Then I show the rest of my friends. The cop appears out of no where and goes, "You need to come with me." The cop won't even let me walk across the mall to get to the car, and he escorts my driver while me and the rest of my friends are waiting outside. At this point, I convince myself that my friend is pregnant. Because, first, she just got done puking in the bathroom, and second she told me off in the most serious tone, right in between bouts of laughter. "HAHAHAHA, God, what were you thinking, shaking a photo booth?!?! I mean he told you not to shake the photo booth and what did you do, you shook the photo booth, HAHAHA."

After my GF picks us all up, there all ganging up on me for getting us kicked out. "Did anybody else want something from the mall? Anybody? Anything? That's what I thought."

Hug and cry

2009-03-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

My math teacher died today.

Either early today, or last night. But today we held a little remembrance ceremony for him. It was neat, everyone that knew him, or heard of him, which was almost everyone, was there. The leader of the school's Christ club lead the ceremony. Basically a few people said prayers, a few said nice things about him, then a moment of silence. I really didn't know the guy that well. Didn't really affect me, what people said was what people could have said about anyone.

Then one of my friends went up to say a few words, he was the last one too before the moment of silence happened. He is in my math class with me, we have been friends for pretty much as long as I've been at that school.

"I've only knew him for a few months, before he got sick. But basically from the second day of class, I could tell he was an awesome guy. He was a good man, and even though I didn't know him too well, I knew his daughter. And she is one of the best kids I ever met and I know that she had a really good dad. Thank you."

Again, those few meaningless words pass over as they could come from anyone. But then, something caught my eye, someone walking through the crowd, rather odd when everyone is standing still. I look up, it's my math teacher's daughter. And what does she do? She goes right up to my friend, turns him around and hugs him. They embrace and cry into each other arms. And as everyone is silent, just for a moment, the only thing you can here is the two crying and the few around them that hugged them too.

A tear falls from no where and lands on my cheek.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one is untouchable. There is always some way to make you cry, every sad sob story and every last sad pic couldn't touch something so close to home as someone you know so well losing a loved one.

Guess I'm human after all.

Party in the front, Bussness in the back

2009-01-19T00:35:00.000-08:00

I really don't get the emo scene, or goth, or the 'scene' scene. I just think they are useless wastes of time where people try to attract the opposite sex with obscure references or insane amounts of makeup. My friends convinced it's because I don't have a fashion sense. Well basically, why I started on this rant is to tell you about this kid I know. He's one grade younger and a share a class with him. He is one of the more emo kids at our school. The lightest colored shirt he has is a dark brown. He likes to go around with his iPod, and a handy dandy little speaker, annoy the fuck out of everyone with heavy metal. His hair cut has bangs that touch his noes, and alomst bald in the back. It's not a straight cut point for the diffrent hair lengths, but I still think it looks like a backwards mullet.

Girl (and two extra guys) trouble.

2009-01-07T21:28:00.000-08:00

Ever find something out? Something that you never wanted to know but probably would not function properly if you didn't know. Think something like back to the truth about Santa or the birds and the bees.

I found something out about my girlfriend. She has serious issues.

It turns out, as a child, she had some serious abuse. Dark damp stuff. And as a result, she has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Wonderful stuff for a young adult girl to have. Basically she has a few alternate personalities in her brain. At the latest census, there was seven, even though most aren't very active. Most anybody who gets to her, this deep inside her to find out this, they just can't handle it. They don't know what to do, what the fuck she's talking about most of the time.

I didn't. And she love me for it.

I think I know why too. Most people, hearing news like that, would think she's a freak, a fault, someone that deserves to never ever see the light of day save what ever comes through a padded room. I think it's kinda neat. Almost a Sci-Fi program, and with odd names to match. You think Daleks is odd, you've seen nothing. Sci-Fi is also the only other place where I've seen death, rebirth, rebirth as something totally different, and redeath.

Honestly, it's fun. She has two personalities that are rather prominent, first Jack. Your typical biker with an infinite appetite for sex and steak. The appetite for sex is one of the reasons I like him a lot. He's just a biker stuck in a young girl's body. Not in the way he would like to be either. Then there's Lex, when he was first born, he was convinced he was a resurrected crusader here to protect the girl. He tends to be an odd cross between Johnny Depp and Cyrano de Bergerac. He's all about honor and doesn't want to get into a relationship with me until he knows me well. I've already fuck him twice, good timing with his horny cycles I think, and it really pisses him off.

There are more of them, I don't quite know them and barely know of them, but hey, more fun for the future.

<3

My New Years Resolution is to Make a Resolution

2009-01-05T02:07:00.000-08:00

Ah, a new year, a new chance to fail at everything I do.

I think I really know why I haven't been writing here so much. I got a girlfriend. It releases stress. I only write here because it releases stress, the need to get something off my chest. But if I have another source, this seems meaningless. Honestly have a girlfriend sucks balls. What I think is worse is that she has a few rape fantasizes. Now that in itself may seem bad, but it's not really. From small psychological things I've read, what a rape fantasy really is is a cry that she wants a more controlling man. Something different from this feminized world. Even when I don't have a girlfriend, I'm a pretty relaxed guy. Asking me to have anger and raw animalistic feeling while I thrust, just doesn't really work for me.

But my title does actually work, it would actually be 'plan' a resolution down, but whatever. Take the time to actually plan something out and you got most of the work down already. Or so says a self-help book I got on how to not procrastinate. Which reminds me, need to sit down and finish that book. So I actually made a plan. I will create an indie film by May 2010. It also says to create a deadline for everything unless they're just floating in the wind. So create a script, finish by February. Get funding, get a cast, get a camera and a crew. Get filming.

Hopefully it will work out and not become another idea on the shelf gathering dust.

Yay! We're fuck up!

2008-11-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

Sorry if I didn't write that much last month, I was preparing for NanoWriMo. Not really but I'll use that as an excuse. I am a bit of a procrastinator so this will hopefully help me. I also procrastinated with the signing up part so don't go looking for me on their sight. That doesn't matter I can still do it without the word count.

If you read some of my posts labeled "Parable of Insanity". The story is basically about him, trying to fit into the real world. Then again, I can't decide on several different variables so I started rewriting it about twice already. The main difference between the versions is his name, weather he has one or not, I think I might call him Keter. But I would like to keep him nameless.

"Come here often?" He says, talking this time instead of just smiling.
"As often as I get lame pick up lines" She says, smiling at her comeback.
"Well it's my first time here, can you show me around?"
"Wait, I'm pretty sure I've seen you here before." She blurts out, confused.
"No you have not, it was just an illusion" He pauses before adding, "You must have some good daydreams if I am in them."

He can be a sweet guy when he needs be, or wants to be. But really he is quite insane. Sweet sociopathic guys. Insanity is a fashion statement nowadays. Come on, go crazy, all the cool kids are doing it! Just look at things like Jhonney The Homicidal Maniac, Dexter, and many more that I can't think of at the moment. Also the whole fashion of emos cutting themselves, come to think of it I would like to cut emos too.

Last Dance for Mary Jane

2008-10-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

He looked at her and saw more than a girl. More than anything he ever saw before really. Half a coffee shop between them and he could smell her hair, feel her breath, touch her skin. Nothing lasts forever, same with coffee. Soon enough, too soon for him, she left. Leaving only a warm seat and a empty cup. He wouldn't leave home with only that, oh no, not this time. He need more, much more that he ever survived on before. He asked how he could have ever survive before this night, before this chase of a girl. Three blocks north, one west. The longest and most exciting walk he had ever taken because at the end was her. The Beauty. And him the Beast. But that story ends a whole lot better. No one dies in that story. Everyone is happy. He knew he couldn't be happy. So he got as close as he could to true happiness by getting as physically close to this girl as possible. Once her door was down, all she tried was to get away, all her might was against him. But he knew she couldn't win, he was waiting much much longer for this chance. Nothing could keep him away form this girl tonight, especially not this girl. And he got his chance, his chance at happiness. And let me tell you something, he enjoyed every moment. The moment which she could run no longer. The moment where he first laid his hand upon her skin. When she shivered at his touch and screamed at his grab. She screamed and screamed but nothing could be done to stop him. The universe itself couldn't tear them apart at this point as he grabbed for more, so much more than he has seen before. And he took those hands that struck him and those feet that crawled from him and made sure that they could do no more. And he had his way, not just with her body but with her soul as well. He tasted not every square inch of her body but every cubic inch as well. Blood filled the room in not only volume but smell. the air was rich in the stench of iron. The stench he now loved as it came from the girl he loved one night and for the rest of his life.

<3

Rant of a Shy Guy

2008-10-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

If one thing is out there I hate, it's people. Most people can go down the fucking drain with two bottles of Drano and a dash of bleach for taste. Relations are literal hell on Earth, worrying about someone is absolutely useless. Either they're dead or they're alive, worrying makes as much of a difference than whether or not there are 11 or just ten dimensions in our universe.

I believe that kids, some time when they were raised, should be left in the middle of the woods for about three or four weeks. Maybe a year or two. Not for proving they are strong enough to catch their own food or fend for themselves. But to prove they can live with themselves and only themselves. Kinda like cabin fever for Kids! This just proves to them how many people are going to be there for them most of their life. That will really show them how will be there for them the rest of their lives. Not mommy or daddy, not the government or some good-will church. No one. Not a soul.

People really need to learn that the only person you can trust is yourself. To be truthful, I don't trust that guy very much.

Turns out, didn't really work out with that guy, oh well.

Love letter from a pedo

2008-10-12T19:04:00.001-07:00

My Lust,

I know I have seen you before but never in the eyes I have now. For days, you have passed me by, simple, just another in all the crowds. But today was different, oh how today was different, it was so much more magical than the day before. For today you saw me.

And now everything is of you, my thoughts, my dreams, my life. It's as only you and I exist. The world could be gone tomorrow for all I care as long as you and me were still hear. Death for them is life for us. Life would be worth living everyday till the end of time if I could only have you. I would feel death a thousand times to have you in my arms for but an hour, My Lust! No man, woman, or child so go a single day with out this, nothing but hope and joy for the days to come.

And all of this because of you. I would want nothing in this world if it was only your cock I could have, I would keep it till the end of time. Till the end of time I would grind against you, feel you struggle against me for the world so free. But I wouldn't want you free, I want you here, in my arms. Nobody's but mine.

For I have such lust the gods themselves could not contain, for you are nothing less than a god in my eyes. Stunning in beauty, perfection, as none other could see the pureness of you and your body. I would rip it open limb for limb just to find its secret. Tear it open to look inside and see the answers to all questions and the question to all answers. But nothing could compare to you, the boy who I would kill a thousand girls and shake a million lives if I could have you for just one day, My Lust.

Till the earth itself breaks,
Wylv

I kinda met someone today, he seems like a nice guy. We share a class but never been introduced to each other before today. I do hope it goes well with him.

I'm dreaming the popular vote elects the president.

2008-09-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

I wonder if I'm the only person who's dreams make more sense then their life. Sure, my last dream was me as a female cartoon charter who could fly stranded in a desert dome in the middle of Antarctica. But it made sense. It followed a story. Even if the story was that I escaped and met a chick on top of a clock tower in New York, it was more comprehensible than me getting two completely different illnesses within a week of each other. The entire Antarctic continent being so small that I could see ocean all around it from a couple hundred feet up makes more sense than my anatomy test last week.

Maybe my dreams only make sense to me.
Maybe my life only doesn't make sense to me.

I do wonder if I could stay a bit longer in my dream world. I look for different lucid dreaming sites but they all make almost zero sense to me. Actually what they ask is rather easy, so easy I don't want to do it. Never want to do anything anymore.

Compy Blues

2008-09-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

I started typing in random bad word with .com at the end of them and I got mixed results. Most of them were either porn or 'buy this domain' sites. But a few were unexpected. Like the American Nihilist Underground Society's site was a bit interesting.

In other news I got a program to make music. Its basically a freeware ripoff of Fruity Loops Studio. It goes nice against my Photoshop CS2, Flash 8, Corel Painter 10, and all the other stuff I don't use. I really wish I could commit myself to something. And not just a relationship. I starting to do that with my piano, but I'm taking classes for that that are easy as hell, teaching things like incrediblly simplified versions of "Ode to Joy" and "Jingle Bells" Maybe that's what I need, easy, finger by finger, high reward tutorials on how to animate, draw, act, sing, dance, and headbang.

Parable of Insanity

2008-09-16T22:14:00.000-07:00

A man with short black hair and a dark green blazer walked into a local coffee shop crowded with hipsters and wifi-stealing geeks. He told the bored looking barista that he once caught a four inch fish with his bear hand right out of a fish tank. He then asked for a Miller Lite but realized he already had one, he pulls a full bottle of beer out of his jacket and tosses it across the room, smashing it over a fifteen year old Sceenkid's head, soaking his red striped hair before he turned around and saw a man in a dark green blazer walk out of a local coffee shop.

Miami Varsity Sports vs. Tropical Storm Ike

2008-09-02T21:47:00.002-07:00

I was watching 'Extreme Home Makeover' with my step mom the other day. I was kinda making fun of it as I usually do with shows like this. "Man this family been through so much. One of their first houses was lost in Katrina, they moved more north into tornado country, and lost their house. So one of the important things here today is really giving a family back their house but the most important thing-"

"Is ratings"

This kinda made me realize that I'm lucky to live in California. We don't have bad weather that destroys cites. We do have fires and the occasional earthquake but we can prepare for those. And we have firefighters. I have yet to see someone go up against a tornado. But there are a few sporting guys named 'The Hurricane' or something to that matter. But when you put them up against something that's a couple hundred miles wide and going 120 miles per hour...

Let's just say I got my money on the tropical storm.

Sometimes

2008-08-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with the world.

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me.

Sometimes I wonder if we only do the things we do since it's the only thing we can do. Is our whole lives planned out for us not by some god but by our genes?

I'm not really sure if I can keep two thoughts in a row.

The Path To Everlasting Death

2008-08-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

Life has always trying to live, thats just its nature. Life that does not try to live or does not try to extend its species will soon become extinct. Simple Darwinism.

In the beginning, every life was important. If you go back in time and eliminate a single microscopic organism, we might have one third the amount of current species. Or we might have a third more. Never know.

A bug flew onto my desk today. It was an act of continuing survival. He wanted my chips. Unfortunately for him, he flew into a house of a human who like to take small flying creatures and rip off everyone of their limbs before crushing their head in a pair of needle-nose pliers. Some creatures are not known for their luck.

I know I didn't do much. There were three more bugs just like it on my screen and its a bug that has an area of half the continent. Luck in numbers.

One of my friend's grandfather passed away recently. No big loss, he was 87. A solider died in Iraq today. No big loss, he knew what he signed up for. A kid starved in Africa with in the hour. No big loss, he wouldn't have made anything of himself. I'm not saying that life is worthless, just a lot of it is. At least it's not worth $6.9 million.

Did you know some people came up with the fact that your average American life is worth a little less than seven million in current USD. There's about $46,230,000,000,000 in human life if you listen to the right people. Last I heard you could get someone for a good 6K if you go to the right people.

I need to meet more people.

It seems like a lot of people do think that people are worth a lot. Just check out how many 'Save the Elderly/Cancer Victims/Third-World Stick People/Neonatal Half-Chimps!' types of societies reaching their hand down your pants for some cash. Which you could write off on your tax refund or you could buy more blow. It's a free country.

This world could do a lot better if there weren't so many people. If one person dies, or one million people die, it will not affect our species. Death is rather good. It frees up space for the young and able. Unless the young and able want to use the graveyard.

Loss is nothing.

I think this is just rationalization for my own imminent suicide/murder spree but it could be fit to work for pro-Gay/Abortion/Drugs/Assisted Suicide/Suicide/Murder Sprees. What do you guys think?

Rant number 1

2008-08-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted on 411chan by me.

No one ever comes here, nice place to rant.

Right now I'm watching Chris Angel, he's trying to prove that physic don't exist. It's just on the tv, I'm not really watching it, but it's there.

Background noise. Seems like there is a lot of that around now days. Nothing is ever quiet, peaceful. Everything has noise. Fridges, AC, computers, cars, crickets. No one pays attention to them. Ever.

I guess that's a safety measure. If your brain took in everything that ever went into it, it would explode, just the same stuff over and over again. So it filters stuff out, most of the time its just little stuff. Background noise.

But we really do filter out to much good stuff. Normal stuff, important stuff. It all just fades away.

People are just big soft cocks.

Some people do catch stuff. Collect stuff. Some mom who really cares about their kid. Some Wall Street Guy who's paid to know about what stock is going to be next week.But you tend to lose something when you do that. The mom deep in her kid's life probably doesn't have a job, or one that requires much time or mental effort. Mr. Wall Street may have a wife and kids, but they'll want to see more of him. Same with any friends he has. People just aren't really meant to do that much for to long without their brain exploding, splitting, or breaking down.

One of the reasons I don't believe that trying to become medically immortal is such a good idea. After a few hundred years, what's the point? I don't believe anything has a point anyways even though I've only been here for a few years. A few centuries? I don't think so.

I'm just a little depressive in case you can't tell.

I do try to live in the moment, not really care about life or the future. In a good way though. Its because whenever I look at life and take a good look. I see something. Life sucks. Life really sucks.

When you take it all in to account. You could tell days and days of 'feelgood' stories. I could tell years and years of 'feelbad' stories. Doesn't that make you feel nice?